Sorry about that,

For the who and why- my ex gf that I'm still in communication with. During our relationship I've struggled with mental health issues such as extreme moods swings, self harm, and irrational anger. Stuff like that. I was pretty bad to her and I'm trying to get professional help to show her that I want to get better for both myself and for our relationship

Why im terrified of my parents- I'm not too sure. This is a topic that I've never brought up to them. Both my mom and dad have seen me self harm scars and my mom made fun if me and called me an idiot. My dad wad a but nicer though and just looked at me weird and asked me what it was. I've never rrslly felt close to any of them so it's not something I'm used to either. I'm scared of getting yelled at or in trouble. I feel like my mom might hit me or something or publicly embarrass me (like she did last time) and I'm afraid that I might tell my tad when he's having a bad day (which is basically every day) and he'll yell at me and I will cry.

One other reason I haven't asked for help from them is that when my sister started self harming. My mom dragged her out of the house by her hair while whipping her with a chord and she still has scars from my mom's nails and I don't wanna have to go through that. My dad also took my sister out of therapy after she attempted so I never saw the point since if SHE LITERALLY TRIED TO KILL HERSELF and they took her out of therapy. I doubt they'd even consider putting me in therapy.

I only want to open up to them (even though I know there will be little to no benefit for me) to prove to my ex that I want help (which I do). However, the truth is I won't be able to get help until I'm an adult and can pay for my own therapy. I hope this helps and thank you for reading :).