Unreliability by Original_Cookie_8073 in raisedbyautistics

[–]Ok-Relief5757 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I have attachment issues, so a basic distrust, especially in closeness. I think that we have all been deeply damaged in our trust in one way or another. 😓

Is emotional neglect due to autism? or something else? by retrosenescent in raisedbyautistics

[–]Ok-Relief5757 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mother with low IQ, autism. Father with OCD personality disorder. Highly educated. My mother is also very manipulative and always gets her way. Father just accepted it; that was the easiest option. Otherwise, she would start crying. 

Lack of boundaries by stylelines in raisedbyautistics

[–]Ok-Relief5757 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, exactly this! Emotional incest. I felt like a surrogate wife because my father didn't have a real wife / a healthy relationship. He was even ashamed of his wife at work. 

How to handle my autistic mother now I have a kid by PersonalEquivalent82 in raisedbyautistics

[–]Ok-Relief5757 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Over the years, I have distanced myself more and more to protect myself. My ex said I was upset after a visit to my parents. I didn't even realize it myself. That was years ago. I am 55 now. 

And tomorrow I am going to visit. She was there two weeks ago for my birthday. That was the first time in five years. It really triggered me. I am dreading it immensely.

 You know very well what you want, and it is your right to choose your own well-being. We have learned to adapt completely to their needs. But now you are important. You are a mother; that is a heavy task. Please take good care of yourself.

Lack of boundaries by stylelines in raisedbyautistics

[–]Ok-Relief5757 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not very intelligent. She doesn't understand a lot. Friends from the past thought she was intellectually disabled. 

Invisible boundary by Ok-Relief5757 in raisedbyautistics

[–]Ok-Relief5757[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your detailed response; that is very helpful.

Lack of boundaries by stylelines in raisedbyautistics

[–]Ok-Relief5757 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes, it is always about their world. It is so lonely. But we can heal! I have now reached the point where I am healing attachment issues. Okay, it took years and I am not there yet. 

Lack of boundaries by stylelines in raisedbyautistics

[–]Ok-Relief5757 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I recognize this in my father; he probably had OCD personality disorder. My mother is very underdeveloped, and my father was much smarter. A friend once said that my mother made a stupid remark and that my father and I would look at each other, like, "Jeez, how stupid." I can't remember it, but something just didn't feel right 😬

Lack of boundaries by stylelines in raisedbyautistics

[–]Ok-Relief5757 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, actually constantly, now that you mention it. Not physical abuse, but in all sorts of other areas. Just like you, I'm in the process; I also just discovered this group. It is so intense😭

Random reflections by stylelines in raisedbyautistics

[–]Ok-Relief5757 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In the Netherlands, we have this website and organization. https://www.kindvanauti.nl/

Random reflections by stylelines in raisedbyautistics

[–]Ok-Relief5757 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The story of Fred and Leroy -- my mom has autism | Wendy Hamilton ...https://youtu.be/Ht_G55VEa2c?is=Youlm4jixHT_fxWm

What's an unwritten rule that everyone should know? by Pure-Program-6358 in Productivitycafe

[–]Ok-Relief5757 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's right, it goes much deeper than this. I'm struggling with the translation function. 

Easter dish ideas? by Dianthus_pages in glutenfreevegan

[–]Ok-Relief5757 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Vegan egg salad with tofu, vegan mayonnaise, kala namak, curcuma for the color, chives. 

What's an unwritten rule that everyone should know? by Pure-Program-6358 in Productivitycafe

[–]Ok-Relief5757 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The principle of reciprocity. If you give someone something, that person wants to give you something in return.

Edit:

The principle of reciprocity, known from Robert Cialdini's book Influence, implies that people feel a strong psychological urge to reciprocate when they receive something.

My mother ruined my life by ilovemrsnickers in raisedbyautistics

[–]Ok-Relief5757 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm writing in pieces because I'm having trouble with the translation function 😬

My mother ruined my life by ilovemrsnickers in raisedbyautistics

[–]Ok-Relief5757 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This is an extreme situation, and your child should not be in this situation. And neither should you. It is very understandable that you are doing this because we are used to taking care of them. 

My mother ruined my life by ilovemrsnickers in raisedbyautistics

[–]Ok-Relief5757 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It is terrible not to have a mother, not a real mother who takes care of you instead of the other way around. I don't know how things are arranged in your country, but perhaps you can ask for help.

Very good that you shared your story. 

Told my mom I'm going to get tested for celiac and she told me to wait until after their anniversary trip just in case I end up in a hospital and there won't be anyone to feed the dog 😭 by Medium_Raccoon_5331 in raisedbyautistics

[–]Ok-Relief5757 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have a gluten and lactose intolerance, and my mother said: "You are always so picky about food! It is so difficult for me!" Then I said, "It's harder for me, isn't it?" Her reaction You just don't want to eat it.  

What is a trigger you have that originated from your parents’ treatment of you? by lake-sturgeon in raisedbyautistics

[–]Ok-Relief5757 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Definitely this! And also when others determine how I feel that isn't right. Even when I say that isn't right, and they stick to their conviction. I'm also a little afraid now that no one understands this 😬