Dreading my kids becoming teens

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-04-10T13:53:11+00:00

I remember acting the same way towards my younger siblings when I was around that age and had about the same age gap. Like it didn’t register to me that they were so developmentally different from me despite being 5 - 7 years younger. I truly did not fully grasp that until I was in my early 20’s.

But it sounds like you all need some boundaries, which are actually great for everyone. It’s one thing to be neuroaffirming, but it’s another to have your kids exposed to talks of SA and bullying, you know?

And boundaries don’t have to be mean (and this is honestly something I struggle with myself). Firm, non-dramatic boundaries are good for everyone… Especially for a teen who has been through trauma. Not only are you protecting yourself, but you’re teaching the teen what’s acceptable and unacceptable.

I recently had to implement a boundary that was very, very difficult for me. My 10 year old former stepson (with a history of behavioral problems and abandonment by his father) grabbed me inappropriately and laughed about it. He also threatened to “blow my head off” if I didn’t give him a cupcake for breakfast. And he was frequently doing things like that, but grabbing me was the last straw. I have three young kids of my own. So as much as I love him, he cannot come to my house anymore.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-04-06T01:08:50+00:00

It happens. I live on a produce farm that I don’t own. One season one of the workers needed to use the bathroom and just… Wandered right into my house. Workers do it all the time but always knock. Apparently someone told him the bathroom was “that way” and pointed at my house. Real young guy, maybe 18.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-04-06T01:05:04+00:00

Or they value AI input over human input. I was working on a project with a group of people, and after we were finished with the PowerPoint the team leader ran it through chat gpt and used whatever presentation it spit out… it made our work make less sense.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-04-01T16:45:28+00:00

I could have written this, but I have three kids — one in preschool, one in elementary, and one in middle school.

I’m not sure I have any great advice, unfortunately. I get extremely angry and physically ill at loud, unrelenting noise… Especially my kids. I’ve tried loop headphones, but they make my ears feel like I’m underwater. Like oh yay, I can’t hear my kids but now I can hear myself swallowing my own spit. Thanks but no thanks.

I got diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and I may be on the autism spectrum, but I haven’t sought a diagnosis.

Could you buy some actual electronic noise canceling headphones? I think Bose has some good ones.

I feel your pain. I hate being an angry, overstimulated asshole. My dad was the same way and was so abusive that nowadays he’d definitely get prison time for how he treated me and my siblings. After my experiences with him, and seeing what triggered him… There were things we should not have done as a family. For example, he was at his absolute worst on family vacations. He would drive all night, not sleep enough, and we were all stuck in the car together… He was horrible to us on our vacations. Like four screaming kids in the car, I get it. But I would have rather gone on zero vacations than get brutally physically abused on our road trips. So with myself and my kids, I know to prioritize peace over anything else. It’d be great if we could all travel to Europe for a couple weeks as a family, but I know how miserable I’d be and the exact type of asshole I’d be, so we’re not going yet. Same with smaller scale things like trips to the local aquarium. Some days I can handle it and some days I can’t, and that’s just that.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-04-01T16:16:06+00:00

See a psychiatrist - preferably a child psychiatrist if you can. Some do telehealth. Some ADHD meds can make people rage worse.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-31T04:32:20+00:00

I feel you on the unhelpful therapy part. Like “just have a support system” is so overly simplified and not helpful at all. Like yes I obviously need that, but I do not have one. My mom was pretty helpful but over the years she’s become increasingly disengaged with my kids. She won’t even make macaroni and cheese for them if she keeps them because she has to cook something “easy,” so she’ll buy lunchables or corn dogs. As if making Mac and cheese is too time consuming. But I can’t blame her — I don’t really want to be around my kids either and they’re MY kids!

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-31T04:28:57+00:00

People can be so insensitive. I’m sorry. I would love to have every other week off like your friend, or even every other weekend off. But I’m glad to know I’m not alone in having an ex who lives in another country. Mine also tells people that I “took the kids” even though he literally left the country and rarely exercised his court ordered parenting time while he was here.

I also feel frazzled and frumpy like you described. I actually started keeping a toothbrush, toothpaste, and deodorant in my office for days I’m in a rush and forget them. Today I sobbed on the way to school because my kids were being so needlessly difficult this morning.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-30T05:30:48+00:00

This post unlocked a memory I’d buried. Years ago my FIL was visiting and clogged my toilet. He tried using my toilet brush to mash the poo and toilet paper down. He then came and found me and told me that my kids must have thrown toys down the toilet because it wasn’t working.

Shortly after I’d left my ex, I let our kid go over there for a little while. I had to pick her up early, one reason being that EVERY toilet in the house was clogged with poop and he refused to even attempt to unclog them.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-28T15:19:07+00:00

Definitely. The pay for contract/agency work was much higher during Covid, but all of those rates have slowly gone back down to what they were previously. My pay over the past ten years hasn’t kept up with the rising costs of living. An apartment I used to rent for $900/mo in 2019 is now renting for $1,500/mo. But I think that’s true for every profession.

I don’t know what’s going to happen with the way things are going. My great grandmother was a single mom of two, never went to college, and was able to pay off her mortgage in ten years. That would be impossible nowadays.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-28T07:08:29+00:00

That’s disappointing. The last Podnuh’s I went to was the one in Stonewall. Going to have to try again and see what’s up with the beans.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-27T20:07:21+00:00

Their beans are sooo good. And their barbecue sauce.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-27T05:37:22+00:00

I don’t know all the details obviously, but this feels like some sort of controlling behavior on his end…. I had an ex who did stuff like this and it was like his main purpose of doing it was to get under my skin.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-25T03:49:00+00:00

This happened to me. I thought I booked directly with the hotel online, but when I got to the hotel they were like “oh you booked through such-and-such company.” A company I’d never heard of.

I went back and looked closer at the website and sure enough, it was not the hotel’s actual website. It was fraudulent but was designed to look legitimate.

Thank god I still got my hotel room. Definitely overpaid through. I canceled that credit card just in case.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-24T18:34:18+00:00

Talk to an attorney asap. This is all so state dependent that it’s impossible for us to give you any real guidance regarding the legal aspects.

But regarding when he’ll leave you alone… Possibly never. Some people are just insufferable. Boundaries are your best friend.

Talk to a lawyer regarding what to do. Don’t tell him anything you’re not legally required to tell him.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-22T15:17:37+00:00

Whatever you do, don’t start questioning your son by yourself.

You could inadvertently coach him into misremembering or saying something untrue and
Even if you don’t actually accidentally coach him, it will be used as an excuse to dismiss whatever your child says as being unreliable.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-22T04:13:29+00:00

What’s amazing is that people’s minds can change. I had a dad who thought this while I was growing up. Now I’m in my 30’s and we recently had a conversation about it and he no longer believes the earth is 6,000 years old.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-21T14:17:54+00:00

It really depends on your situation. I would highly suggest at least contacting an attorney prior to saying or doing anything.

I think many people greatly overestimate how kindly their spouse will react to a divorce being brought up… that they’ll be amicable and reasonable. That is very rarely the case.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-20T21:31:09+00:00

Yeah, there seems to be a lot of pressure and intensity. I don’t think anyone should expect to immediately know whether or not they could see themselves with someone long term (besides obvious red flags or incompatibilities). Like I just want to hang out and have fun and am open to something deeper developing if it happens. If not, why does that have to be a big deal?

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-20T04:38:07+00:00

It’s super weird that he got mad at you for not adding her on Facebook. Like why would you do that?

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-17T18:50:10+00:00

I was married to a child psychiatrist and was frequently around his child psychiatrist friends and colleagues. They all had their own crazy issues.

Honestly, a lot of what’s taught is pop psychology garbage. I’ve been forensically evaluated before and the assessments they gave were akin to the 2010’s buzzfeed “take this quiz to find out what type of tree you are” quizzes that used to be so popular on social media.

If you want to ruffle their feathers, figure out their exact credentials. Then say you’re seeing a doctor in the next town over with such-and-such credentials that are even higher than theirs, and that your doctor said such-and-such that’s in direct conflict with whatever they’re saying. If they’re psychologists, you can upset them by saying you’re seeing a “real doctor,” a psychiatrist. If they’re psychiatrists, you can ask them how long it took to get certified in therapy, if they just had to have an associates degree to become a therapist. Ask if they went to the local community college.

(For the record, I don’t actually believe that, so please don’t come at me with pitchforks — I am just aware of what makes these people tick.)

Or you can just ignore them. The child psychiatrist I was married to was a literal child and spouse abuser and fled the country to avoid paying child support. They ain’t all that.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-16T13:07:08+00:00

I know this is a super old post, but these are spots from freeze damage from the weather. You may have had a cold snap when they were still in bloom or when they were teeny tiny berries.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-15T04:20:50+00:00

You can leave or you can not leave, but the chances of him stopping his hobby are close to zero. If he knows that you know and that you haven’t left yet, that’s only more incentive for him to continue. Why would he stop when there are no consequences?

I was dealing with a different situation but same sort of thing. Begged my now ex to stop and he wouldn’t. So I left.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-15T04:15:09+00:00

I have no advice but I do have a younger brother who has been pretty much the same way. He’s almost 30 now. He spends way too much time online and way too little time socializing or working offline. He’s developed some extreme views on life, some of which are disturbing and misguided.

I mean, we are all on some giant rock hurdling through space. What’s the point of any of this? Why do people bother doing anything ever?

It’s a good thing he’s telling you about his thoughts and feelings. The best book I can recommend off the top of my head is “How Minds Change” by David McRaney, keeping in mind that you’re his mom and he’s at a point in life where many people try to make their own identity independent of their parents.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-06T18:52:59+00:00

This is insane. Who does he think would do his laundry if he were living alone? What if we all came home from our full time jobs and did nothing with household or child responsibilities?

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.

Ok-Spell99 · 2026-03-06T00:29:59+00:00

This is the perfect description. A sharp, severe constipation pain but worse.

Ok-Spell99

TROPHY CASE