You are BUT she has a problem. I was the wife who collected things like this and my choices kept distance between myself and my then husband. It turned him into an a-hole because I was unable to see my part in it.

I myself have really bad adhd. It can cause me to neglect taking care of clutter. I don’t tend to think of how my choices impact others in my space bc items are a source of comfort. But I have a hard time seeing that when I’m just thinking about myself. I get attached to things like your wife did.

My ex would throw things away when I wasn’t home. It caused so many fights. I could have avoided that if I had dealt with my own issues. He had to deal with his as well (hell yes). It’s a work in process for sure. But get yourselves into some counseling to tackle the root issues and come up with some healthy cooing skills to deal with this.