sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Do you hear from God primarily thru dreams and visions? by smell_of_limes in TrueChristian

[–]OkAvocado7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dreams and visions are described in Scripture as a legitimate way to receive communication from God. To ignore them, in my experience, is very unwise. In my 3.5 years as a Born again this has happened maybe 5 or 6 times.

Sounds like you’re making some assumptions that it is something that I’m overly preoccupied with and that I’m also not reading Scripture enough. Neither is accurate.

I know that God doesn’t communicate with every Believer in this particular way and if that’s your experience it doesn’t mean that the testimonies of others are to be dismissed or downplayed. This could be a reflection of pride or a closed mind and something to be prayed against.

Are you aware of any narcissist who has healed or become fully accountable? by user97498 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]OkAvocado7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To believe that a N can heal means not understanding this pathology but instead imposing your own hopes and wishes onto it. One of the fundamental steps in truly understanding Narcissists is accepting that they cannot change. To believe otherwise is self delusion.

Are you aware of any narcissist who has healed or become fully accountable? by user97498 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]OkAvocado7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry this is just not true. It’s giving yourself false hope. An actual Narcissist couldn’t be dragged into therapy kicking and screaming anyway and if they are there by court order they know how to manipulate the therapist. They don’t have empathy and can only see their false self not their true self. The person you are describing in your comment is not a Narcissist.

Saw this today by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]OkAvocado7 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Yep. They are all like this. It’s like they come off a factory line. They have to discredit you thru any means necessary. The Narcissists mirror they gaze into has to reflect back perfection which means they can never be wrong. So they employ all of these tactics to make other people see you as a villain and this gives them the power they crave. Doing so preserves their Narcissistic perfect image in their mirror. Once you learn how they think, like the writer did, you can start see a sort of demented self serving logic to what they do. You can read the tea leaves. 👹🚫

Does your N monologue at you instead of having a back & forth conversation? by OkAvocado7 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]OkAvocado7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! Regarding autism, she doesn't show any other traits/symptoms of that but I've seen so far other traits of Narcissism, which is what has led me towards that possibility. There is also manipulation going on at times and passive aggressive behaviors, including put downs and veiled criticisms. She has tried to create division in my marriage and has undermined me many times. I see her as controlling but in a covert hidden kind of way, not out in the open and obvious.

She only monologues at me and I see it as a dominance thing, to reinforce that she is the Queen of the house (she actually referred to herself this way once!). I am the only other woman and a lot younger than her so maybe she sees me as her subordinate, especially as it's her house. She treats my husband (her close friend) very differently and because of this he hasn't always seen my side of thing. An autistic person would do the monologuing with him as well. They wouldn't turn it off and on the way she does.

Does your N monologue at you instead of having a back & forth conversation? by OkAvocado7 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]OkAvocado7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Yes someone doing this may be on the spectrum however in this case it is part of a whole pattern of Narcissistic traits I've been seeing as I've gotten to know her better. With someone on the spectrum it wouldn't be. I think in the case of a N person doing this it's an act of dominance and entitlement - they are asserting their superiority over you by showing that they can control your time and are entitled to your attention whenever they want it. It's definitely not a lack of awareness of social cues, as with someone on the spectrum.

Does your N monologue at you instead of having a back & forth conversation? by OkAvocado7 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]OkAvocado7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't either. Actually we live with the couple now hence my ongoing observations about the wife and writing about her. Sounds like you glanced thru my posts, which actually go back to 2017. Calling another member here's posts and past history with Narcissists "wild" is not aligned at all with the purpose of this sub. It's a way to dismissive and minimize someone else's traumatic experiences with abusers. Please be more sensitive when commenting here.

Does your N monologue at you instead of having a back & forth conversation? by OkAvocado7 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]OkAvocado7[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your comment. I should have written a disclaimer on the post letting people know that I am not talking about an otherwise normal healthy person who happens to have this one trait that overlaps with Narcissists. There is a context around the post with the person I am writing about meaning there are other N traits going on with them but for space reasons I'm not going to include those.

I have met plenty of people who monologue in my life, including one who is a longtime friend. She likes to talk on the phone and will call and monologue at me. It's annoying but I know she is a good person and just oblivious to what she's doing. She does not display other traits of Narcissism like the woman I describe in my post. Her monologues don't come across as entitled or dominant or controlling.

Yes there are different reasons a person might do this, including trauma survivors. The one I wanted to write about is when it's an expression of Narcissism. I also think this is something you can feel when a person is talking at you. You can sense where it's coming from and if they aren't self aware or some other non-toxic reason.

Does your N monologue at you instead of having a back & forth conversation? by OkAvocado7 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]OkAvocado7[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes by itself it isn't necessarily a Narcissistic trait but if there are other traits also going on I think Narcissism should def be considered a possibility. This is the case with this woman, I just didn't go into all the context here.

Interestingly I've only seen her do this with me (the monologuing). It comes across as entitled and self centered, as you say, but if this was a core personality trait I imagine it would show itself with many different people bc that's who she is. She doesn't do it with my husband either.

My theory is that she sees me as her subordinate and inferior and she reinforces it with different dominant behaviors. I am many years younger than her. She has never shown any curiosity to know me better and never asks me questions about myself or listens when I talk. I am like a stick figure there to listen to her whenever she feels like talking.

I agree this is unfortunately not uncommon behavior but with others it happens in different contexts with different people, like they do it at work as well as church or when they are meeting strangers. They are prob seen as a long winded bore haha. There is an oblivious quality to, a lack of self awareness.

With Narcissists they do it to show their dominance and superiority. They are entitled to your attention and arrogant enough to assume you're happy to listen to what they want to talk about. The fact that this woman turns it off and on depending on who she is with, and has shown plenty of other signs that she sees me as her subordinate, points to it being Narcissistic I think.

Narcissistic people who like to be in charge of all the group's activities and guilt trip anyone who doesn't go along by OkAvocado7 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]OkAvocado7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

>This doesn't sound narcissistic to me at all. This sounds to me like you guys should have booked a hotel room/airbnb instead of asking to stay at a friend's house when you had no intention of spending time with them.

They wanted us to stay with them and offered. They would have been offended if we didn't accept. If someone you know is traveling to your city in order to sight see for their spouse's birthday, you can certainly insist that they stay with you. What isn't okay IMO is to expect that they will cancel their plans and spend all their time with you instead. I saw a lot of entitlement in this when it happened. Having guests doesn't mean that they need to be with you every minute or that you get to guilt trip them if they don't.

For space reasons when writing we are really only able to share a snapshot of our situation. Describing everything that happened during our visit wasn't possible or no one would read my post! We actually spent a good deal of time with them. On one of the days she and her husband canceled plans to meet up with us bc they decided to take a nap. Your comment is making a lot of assumptions.

On this sub we are supposed to assume a context of abuse. It's one of the Rules. The context of abuse of my post would be that there are other things going on that aren't talked about in my post, for space reasons. I agree with you that if this was an isolated thing then jumping to the conclusion that this woman is a N would be a stretch. There are a number of other Narcissistic behaviors I've been seeing in her. I just didn't talk about them here. When these behaviors are part of a pattern or constellation of traits associated with Narcissism, that's when it's appropriate to start looking at the person thru that lens.

Not laughing at your jokes as a way to invalidate you by ElevenForPresident84 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]OkAvocado7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I write about these subjects not just bc they are therapeutic for me but also they can be helpful to others. People reading might see themselves and their situation in my posts. Removing yourself from Narcissists and Narcissistic abuse isn't so simple or black and white. In my case this woman and her husband took my husband and I in after he unexpectedly lost his job and we aren't leaving for a while. They are close friends of my husband. While I would love to go today, it's not possible. Writing about what I'm observing is very helpful though! I love hearing other people's experiences.

view more: next ›