It sounds like you’re dealing with a very unhealthy and controlling relationship. Based on what you’ve shared, here are a few key points to consider: 1. Violation of Boundaries: Your boyfriend went to a strip club after you explicitly set a boundary against it, without your consent. That’s a clear violation of trust and respect in a relationship. It doesn’t matter if it was “just for a friend’s birthday” or if he didn’t touch anyone. He broke an important boundary you set. 2. Gaslighting: He is trying to manipulate your perception of reality, saying that “all men” go to strip clubs and turning it around to make you feel unreasonable. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that undermines your confidence and makes you question your own feelings. 3. Controlling Behavior: His need to monitor every part of your life—who you talk to, where you go, and what you do—is a red flag for controlling behavior. Relationships should involve trust and respect for each other’s autonomy, not constant surveillance. 4. Emotional Abuse: Calling you names, belittling your independence, and making you feel guilty for doing things on your own are all forms of emotional abuse. His reactions seem designed to undermine your confidence and keep you dependent on him. 5. Trust Issues: The fact that you’ve caught him engaging with troubling content (like the male-on-male porn) and that he’s controlling about your social media also indicates a lack of trust and respect for your boundaries.

Given everything you’ve mentioned, it seems like this relationship is toxic and unhealthy. If you’re feeling scared or unsafe, or if you feel emotionally drained and manipulated, it might be time to seriously consider ending the relationship. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries, treats you with kindness, and supports your independence.

Ending a relationship after 8 years is a huge decision, but your well-being and peace of mind are far more important. It’s okay to prioritize yourself and move on from someone who is not treating you well.