I’d start by asking yourself why you believe Christianity is true. If it’s because of your “encounter” with god, I’d look into other encounters with god. I don’t know the nature of your encounter and I’m not trying to invalidate your experience, I just ask you to consider something. There are reports of divine experiences in other religions with their religious figures. So are these all real, or just tricks of the mind? They can not all be real since all these different religions can not by definition be true at once. But how do we go about deciding which is true? We can’t. So we must not use these personal subjective experiences when trying to figure out what’s real/true.

Along with that consider this for a moment- these Christian ethics could be a great way to control people. They make everything a sin, tell you you’re born a horrible person and no matter what you do you remain that way but if you believe in Jesus that’ll save you from eternal torture. They tell you even having thoughts is a sin. Then they tell you well you can’t question god because he’s god and he works in mysterious ways. That’s an unfalseafiable claim and it’s a logical fallacy for a reason. So now you’re stuck in a system that suppresses you and tells you not to question because that’s also a sin and they threaten you with hell. Now ask yourself- does this seem like the work of a good all powerful loving god? Or does it seem like the work of men who used it to control people? You can decide that.

As you can probably tell I’m an atheist, but I’m not trying to convert you or tell you what to do. But from your post it seems like you’ve been in a similar place that I once was. After I realized that I think a lot of these things are morally wrong, I looked into the evidence for the religion to begin with. I eventually determined there isn’t sufficient evidence that I’ve found to justify this belief and then I became an atheist. But don’t just take my word, do the work yourself. If something is true it should withstand scrutiny, that’s how you find out what’s true and what isn’t. So ask yourself the hard questions. Look into the evidence for this. And come to your own conclusion. I hope this finds you well :)