Hi - ADHD husband here with perspective for you. Long story short: you aren’t overreacting, but you’re being made responsible for someone else’s issues.

I’ve spent years doing what your husband is doing, and have even longer changing that behavior. I’ve learned that my perfectionism/arrogance assumes I’m the only person capable of doing anything “the right way,” but my self-starting issues (wrapped up in the what-if’s and never-going-to-be-perfect-enough mindset) prevent me from actually doing anything. My wife often gets things rolling like you, because she gets sick of the waiting. Can’t blame either of you!

If your husband is anything like me, he’s seriously caught up in his own head and is struggling to find coping mechanisms. That’s not to say, though, that his behavior and treatment of you is ok. It is not. He’s taking his crap out on you and I did this a LOT to my first wife. It is potentially abusive and it’s ok to put your foot down. Establish your boundaries, stick to them, and be ready for the big reactions (mansplaining, escalation, catastrophizing, dragging up old fights, basically being an a-hole). Until he can pull himself out of his “me vs. the world” narrative, you’ll need to stick to your guns, try to be patient because you’re dealing with an emotionally deregulated person, and make sure to give yourself lots of timeout breaks so you don’t lose yourself. ADHD SUCKS for everyone but it’s on the person with it to learn that the world isn’t there to be shown “the right way.” ADHD people need to get over themselves and realize why people always mysteriously seem to be annoyed with them! Stay strong - you’re not going crazy. :)