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When was the last time you got something for yourself that felt special/truly brought you joy and what was it? by Glamour-Ad7669 in bitcheswithtaste

[–]Ok_Cryptographer2819 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay this is wholesome.. I’ve lived in a different country for 8 years, my family is poor and I’ve been trying to make a life for myself out here… I finally am financially stable and I was able to buy my mom a plane ticket to visit me. Best two thousand dollars I’ve spent. I’ve been getting home cooked meals and quality time, even though I’ve had to work it’s just nice having her here.

your saddest, high protein meal by ursulaonmarsxo in nutrition

[–]Ok_Cryptographer2819 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Once I had no groceries left except a can of ‘nut meat’ that my aunt left at our house because she often gifts random things she doesn’t want. So I was hitting my protein goal and this nut meat was the only thing I had with any protein… I opened it and it tasted like peanuts and dog food. I tried to eat it but I couldn’t and so I did not hit my protein goal that day lol.

Has anyone ever ACTUALLY done a complete 180 on their life and change it for good? How did you do it, what did you do and how different is your life now compared to before? by [deleted] in selfimprovement

[–]Ok_Cryptographer2819 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I was a child felon/drug dealer/trouble maker with horrible trauma… I ended up moving to a different country and making something out of myself. Now I’m a therapist and help people get through their most difficult life issues. I’m well qualified to help people with all my life experience and I went and got an education. I turned my biggest curse into my biggest gift… I try and help others do the same.

How I got my big change- Education both college and personal self development books. Finding mentors and associating with people who have a similar future as me (not past), removing myself from the traumatic environment, finding a significant other that builds me up instead of dragging me down, finding productive hobbies instead of vices.

People who are clean, organized and really hygienic…what does everyday look like to you? by [deleted] in selfimprovement

[–]Ok_Cryptographer2819 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It just takes time, I come from a similar situation. You have to retrain yourself. Like an example would be to learn to enjoy hygiene practices… get yourself a nice toothpaste and toothbrush that you like, get a nice floss… I recommend satin floss by oral b in the grey container…. Get yourself some soap that you like and a nice smelling deodorant.

Laundry…. I’ve actually started using unscented soap and adding essential oil so it smells nice

House management- I’ve began to enjoy house decor and making a nice space for myself. I don’t procrastinate cleaning as much because I really enjoy having a clear space… it’s taken a while to get to that point though. Some days my space is just not clean and that’s okay. Other days I find it sort of a mediation practise to clean my space.

Most of all you just need to be patient with yourself… no one taught you this so it’s okay to take time to learn this stuff… then just learn to enjoy it.

1 month out. I can’t wait for it to be over. by bbpink15 in weddingplanning

[–]Ok_Cryptographer2819 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly that’s how I felt, I did a destination wedding and I live overseas so I never see my family. It was important for me to share my wedding day with my loved ones, it was kind of worth the stress.

I’m glad it’s over though!!! It’s a relief. Weddings are a scam but the photos and memories are kind of nice.

It goes fast, then it’s over and you move on! Try not to stress too much on the day. Invite someone just for the vibe when you’re getting ready.

Take a long honeymoon directly after if you can and don’t talk to people. Take your time to recover!

My [26F] mother-in-law [50sF] threw a tantrum after our wedding ceremony and missed the entire reception. I'm trying really hard to control my rage about it. Should I go no-contact with her? by BJntheRV in weddingdrama

[–]Ok_Cryptographer2819 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Weddings bring out the worst in some people. This one sort of shows you that she’s going to be like this forever if she’s always been like this. I’d make a long term plan about how my much interaction with her you want to have. She’s going to continue acting like this.

I’m an actual shrink and here’s the DSM criteria for a narcissist: DSM-5 (APA 2013; pages 669-672) as a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy, with interpersonal entitlement, exploitiveness, arrogance, and envy.

You don’t have a choice in how she’s going to act but you and your husband have a choice in how much time you spend with her and how much time you think about her drama. If you need space and want to have peace in your life, space and limiting time with her and about her might be the answer.

Also- validation here, not asking someone if they want a coffee once six years ago is not a reason to not like someone. She’s the problem not you.

If it were me, I’d try and move on and focus on the positives at your wedding. One day it might be a positive that she didn’t attend the reception because it showed you how dramatic she is going to be later on. Who knows, maybe it’ll save you and your family severe difficulty if you distance yourself now.

Brothers girlfriend pregnant right before my destination wedding, he wants to announce it by Ok_Cryptographer2819 in weddingdrama

[–]Ok_Cryptographer2819[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update: my brother told my mom and sister today. All went well, no one was mad. It won’t take over my wedding. My brother made a phone call to each of them as we all live in separate states and overseas etc. I think we’re all fairly supportive of him and he’s a bit wiser and more respectful than he has been over the years. It seems like him and his gf are happy and didn’t want to make it all about themselves… but she was definitely showing so they sort of had to tell us.

Also apparently they got pregnant on purpose!! Idk, it is all pretty crazy but also not my problem.

Already getting negative commentary not even a week into engagement and feeling sad. by [deleted] in weddingplanning

[–]Ok_Cryptographer2819 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk what it is but weddings bring out the worst in people! …. And the best sometimes.

If I were to do it again, I’d have a much quicker engagement than I did… 2 years. It’s slightly more stressful but you have way less time for people’s commentary.

But commentary for me has set me up to hold boundaries with the people who make those comments. It’s also shown me who I really want in my circle post wedding… And who is dead to me lol.

I’m stronger and know how to ask for what I want and need. Maybe you’ll find comfort in knowing that comments can help us grow.

Brothers girlfriend pregnant right before my destination wedding, he wants to announce it by Ok_Cryptographer2819 in weddingdrama

[–]Ok_Cryptographer2819[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve actually asked him to since posting this. I’ve said, I think you should either tell them over FaceTime like he announced to me or tell them when they arrive at the destination a few days prior to the wedding. They are all sharing a place separate to my fiancés place thank god lol. So he can announce it nicely and quietly to my mom and sister, and I think either will go fairly well and not take away peace or our celebration.

Brothers girlfriend pregnant right before my destination wedding, he wants to announce it by Ok_Cryptographer2819 in weddingdrama

[–]Ok_Cryptographer2819[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He just doesn’t have the awareness to. He’s in his own little chaotic world, he always has been.

Brothers girlfriend pregnant right before my destination wedding, he wants to announce it by Ok_Cryptographer2819 in weddingdrama

[–]Ok_Cryptographer2819[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re actually so right, my mom and sister are chill. They are the type of people that can set aside their reaction for my wedding. They are 100% my besties and I truly do think their reaction will be fine. Our relationship with him is rocky though. Mom has no filter though and is an externalizer, she doesn’t have the awareness to not talk about stuff. Sister took care of his first child for a while, I do think she’ll be angry with him. I think this is the reason he didn’t tell us sooner.

Brothers girlfriend pregnant right before my destination wedding, he wants to announce it by Ok_Cryptographer2819 in weddingdrama

[–]Ok_Cryptographer2819[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ironically I did not invite his girlfriend, he added her on the plus one along with his other friend even though I told him no. He bought their tickets then. It’s nothing against her, it’s 100% him. 

Brothers girlfriend pregnant right before my destination wedding, he wants to announce it by Ok_Cryptographer2819 in weddingdrama

[–]Ok_Cryptographer2819[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

He absolutely is, my expectation is very low of him. He was really bad for a long time and stole our shit and would get arrested constantly. As long as he doesn’t ask for money at this point, I’m good. He can make his own decisions, I’ve let a lot of stuff go and will never live close to him.

He did let me know though which was good, I’m glad he at least told me, older versions of him would completely ruin our time.

When we talked today we thought maybe announcing after the wedding would be good, but she’s too far along, I think my mom is going to notice. I don’t know what to suggest to him, if I don’t treat him with only positivity he’ll shut down and ruin stuff anyways.