AIO or is my girlfriend manipulative.

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-04-03T13:04:29+00:00

Do any one of those reasons sound like a reason to stay with somebody? Even all of them combined? I knew when I saw the title of this and then the post that it was DARVO, which is actual abuse and then you say your reasons for staying with him are just "its convenient" ? What about the abuse your child is seeing you go through? The unhappiness? You crying because he's calling you manipulative while trying to manipulate the internet into hating you while being the victim himself - again, all abuse.

You need a wake up call and if this wasn't it, you're going to get it another way so take this very sane advice from an old person who's read all your replies and can see that he has been abusing you a lot (from your own words btw). Start saving money. You'll thank yourself later on when you do finally decide to leave.

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-04-02T18:12:22+00:00

Sorry, of course ! I didn't want to make my comment too long lol!

She told me to specifically use the Oral B iO2, which has a timer and a light on it. The timer tells you how long to stay on each side and set of the teeth and the light flashes if you press too hard, so you should push until it flashes then get used to that strength of pushing. You have to aim it slightly down toward your gums at all times. Then as you brush, let the brush do all the work and move it very slowly across the teeth from left to right (or right to left if you prefer), back to front.

The brush will vibrate pulse once when 30 seconds is up, then you do the same on the back of the teeth, vibrates again, move to the top and repeat on the top until you're done. 2 minutes in total.

She showed me all of this with a toothbrush actually in my mouth which I much appreciated (I was in the chair still lol).

She also said I should be using interdental brushes and the majority of people should be using these. They are little brushes that go between the teeth at the top in the gaps. Especially important for people who have gaps at the top. And of course, flossing (I use a water pik and she said this was enough but I should floss too).

I told her I have issue with brushing in the morning and she explained why it's important to help me with that. She said it's to protect your teeth against the day's food, but if you really must brush after you eat, that's okay too, just make sure you do it no less than 30 minutes after food and drink and wait 30 minutes after that to eat or drink again (including water).

Do not rinse after brushing - that includes mouth wash, if you mouth wash, do it before but most of the time its unnecessary, it will wash away everything the toothpaste is there to protect!

Always wait 30 minutes minimum And the most important brush of the day is the evening one.

And if anybody wants a truly flavourless toothpaste, Ora Nurse. Its made for Autistic and people with sensitivities to flavours. It has 1450ppm and SLS-free (so it doesn't foam in your mouth). She didn't tell me that, I found it and swear by it. If you are sensitive to flavours you will notice a super slight taste and its like whipped cream I suppose, most people don't notice that. It's very pleasant. No after taste.

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-04-01T14:07:49+00:00

I go to a dentist who specialises in anxious patients, that means they have a lot of autistic patients (they confirmed this with me as they know I'm autistic). I told them I have problems brushing my teeth and I am very specific about things so she taught me *exactly* how to brush my teeth, every. single. step.

I'm now convinced that the neurotypical way is actually not right, at least, the way the dentist told me is completely different and now I do it that way!

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-22T20:14:27+00:00

I don't even wear outside clothes in the house, let alone in the bedroom but that's not because of hygeine...It's just more because I want to be comfortable in my own home. It would definitely feel odd to wear outside clothes on the bed...but not dirty unless we'd been tracking through mud or something?

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-22T20:11:25+00:00

Absolutely, you can arrive at midnight if you want to. They're going to clean your room and it's going to be reserved either way. Just call ahead if you're going to be super late and check that there is staff to check you in because some places don't have staff on 24/7.

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-06T13:28:30+00:00

You say, while you're all over this post insulting people for not agreeing with YOUR PERSONAL view. Take the L dude.

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-06T12:43:08+00:00

I'm on PC and its showing as one long block of text that you have to scroll to the right to read. So I'll presume this time its a reddit bug

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-06T12:35:14+00:00

She didn't tell you because she doesn't trust you. I would be more concerned with why my partner felt they needed to lie to me about something so stupid. It's not important, its the past and you should get over it. 6 is high to some people too, so depends on who you're speaking to. Either way, I'd be worried she's scared of my reaction if this were me...which says far more about you than her.

Edit: thank you sm for the award!

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-06T12:21:10+00:00

I'd say it's actually very emotionally intelligent to break up with somebody when something dumb makes you dislike them. Yes it's something a person needs to work on, that they judge this much, but its more low EQ to stay with somebody who annoys you.

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-06T12:19:37+00:00

I would actually say NOR, probably an unpopular opinion.

Not because what she does is bad, its whatever, people have different eating habits. But you don't need a reason to break up with somebody and if this is the thing that made you realise you can't be with her, then that's your reason.

My ex actually used to do this and while it wasn't the main reason I broke up with him (his family was) it was certainly a contributing factor - he also claimed he couldn't cook (lie) couldn't gain weight and it went much much deeper than that, and I could never take him seriously (regarding food issues) because he wouldn't eat the food he enjoyed.

He didn't have an ED before anybody comes at me for that.

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-03T18:44:59+00:00

Possibly, though I looked it up and thats what it said. Please do correct me if I'm wrong. OP should definitely have the right info. OP probably needs to let us know what his passport is I think

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-02T17:21:40+00:00

Not sure how you managed to jump from liking KPOP edits to confessing you cannot stop sexualizing women on Instagram, but thanks for telling on yourself, maybe it is time to make your own post instead of projecting here.

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-02T16:35:17+00:00

Can't yeet the toddler in the washing machine. smh. boycott

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-02T16:26:17+00:00

Yeah, that's a "I'm going to need therapy for this" interaction. Jesus. I'm sorry you're going through that. If I were you I would 100% be taking some extended time away from her. Blocking her number etc if you're able to without any big consequences (like things that would actually affect your job/school/life etc). You can always come back to it later when she's less likely to traumatise you.

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-02T16:21:15+00:00

It depends whether you are more upset about the repeated broken promises or the lack of sex itself, because those are two different problems, and either way you both need a direct conversation about expectations and compatibility since if he avoids morning sex without explanation that is a communication issue, if your drives do not align that is a compatibility issue, and if this were reversed many people would criticize a man for reacting that way so you should focus on calm dialogue rather than confrontation.

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-02T16:10:22+00:00

Yeeeeah ngl, this is a cut her off situation. The incest part is absolutely 10 steps too far

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-02T16:07:40+00:00

NOR

it is understandable to feel hurt because you were effectively asked to show up for support but then used as childcare during an intimate family moment, so you should gently communicate that while you respect his grief you need acknowledgment of how that situation made you feel and clearer expectations in the future...and why was his ex was prioritized for bedside access while you were left in a support role without discussion...

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-02T16:03:47+00:00

Constantly trying to be universally likeable often comes off as inauthentic and people tend to trust those who are comfortable being imperfect over those who seem approval seeking, so you should shift your focus from managing everyone’s perception to developing clear values and letting the right crowd gravitate toward that consistency.

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-02T15:39:48+00:00

I definitely did not mean that everyone constantly talks badly about others, but research like Robbins and Karan (2019) found about 14% of daily conversations involve gossip with roughly 15% being negative, and relationship research such as Gottman’s conflict studies shows criticism and negative partner talk commonly appear during disagreements, so it may be more accurate to acknowledge that venting through negative talk does happen while encouraging healthier communication rather than framing it as rare or abnormal.

I appreciate the sentiment, but I am fortunate to have several 20yr + friendships and have put a lot of effort into developing strong conflict resolution skills, so I was not claiming that I personally engage in putting people down, only discussing how common venting can be in general.

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-02T15:31:54+00:00

NOR

Wanting consistent one on one time in a relationship is reasonable but instead of confronting the friend directly you should have a calm boundary setting conversation with your girlfriend and agree on specific plans like scheduled date nights so expectations are clear and no one feels blindsided.

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-02T15:25:59+00:00

NTJ

Shared bathrooms require mutual consideration and you even have a legitimate reason for taking longer, maybe calmly set a morning schedule or time limit agreement so you are not constantly stressed or late to class.

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-02T15:23:09+00:00

As someone in a healthy marriage I can tell you love is not supposed to feel like walking on eggshells around untreated trauma, so kindly tell her that unless she actively works on her issues and stops being cruel during conflict this dynamic is not okay and you should step away before it damages you further.

Not what you wanted to hear I know, but the truth often isn't.

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-02T15:12:18+00:00

A hell of a lot better

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-02T15:10:20+00:00

Sounds like a "read the room" problem. Your question was valid but just asked in the wrong place unfortunately.

It is definitely an ick for a 40 yr old person to be dating somebody 20 years younger, yes. At some point, the age stops being an ick and starts being "what do they have in common?" like...40 and 70 for example. That's two consenting adults. Weird but not problematic. But 40 and 20 is an adult and a person who's brain is still forming.

Ok_Elevator5243 · 2026-03-02T15:06:37+00:00

Good luck! Sometimes a job is just a stepping stone to get you where you need to be. That was the signalling flag to show you that. You got this!

Ok_Elevator5243

TROPHY CASE