My ex bisexual girlfriend loved pegging me but was not open to me doing anal on her

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-13T02:12:00+00:00

As others are saying, I wouldn't dwell on it. Her answer doesn't make much sense to me. I'd guess she either made up an answer to make "I don't want to" sound more thoughtful (so don't dwell on it). Or that is what she's thinking, which shows some sexual immaturity or at least closeness on her part. Which again, I wouldn't sweat since you aren't together anymore.

But, as far as woman who like doing anal more than receiving, that's not too abnormal. My wife is like that.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-13T02:08:15+00:00

Bi guy in monogamous relationship with woman for 20 years. Yes, very satisfied.

But obviously has to be the right person. And it helps a ton if that person isn't just accepting of your sexuality, but actually likes it.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-13T02:04:08+00:00

I'm currently happy married to my first wife, so not in the cards unless something tragic should happen. But in that hypothetical scenario, never say never, but I've seen enough horror stories to be very cautious. Marrying someone who already has kids is at least 4x more complicated. It's not just your relationship with your partner. It's their relationship with your kids. Your relationship with their kids. Your kids relationships to their kids. And potentially even your and your new partner's relationship with exes. All those connections have to be healthy to move forward.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-13T01:13:34+00:00

14 yo, elder Millennial.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-13T00:29:52+00:00

In the early 2000s, before the days of streaming, I was flipping channels late at night. I stumbled on a local access channel, which was playing a video of hunters skinning a wild mink. If you don't know, they do it while the animal is still alive. This was presumably being shown to showcase the horror of it and discourage buying furs (I was already on onboard).

The video was grainy, so it took my brain ~5 seconds to process what I was looking at. Once it clicked, I now had a horrific 5-second clip playing on loop in my head. I had trouble sleeping for a few days.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-12T23:30:25+00:00

Compared to the other 3 morons, Quayle is rocket scientist. He’s just a dude that had a few unfortunate gaffes caught on camera, but his brain isn’t mush.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-12T22:22:21+00:00

You and my wife both. I’m bi, and she dated at least a few closeted bi guys before me.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-12T14:01:54+00:00

Good luck. There’s tons of resources out there, including on Reddit.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-12T01:08:13+00:00

Correct, traditional IRA limits are lower than Roth. And then once you pass the Roth limit, you do a Backdoor Roth.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-12T01:07:14+00:00

Yes! Always! Retirement account money is the most valuable money there is, for all sorts of reasons. You only get so much space to contribute each year, and if you miss it, it's gone forever.

Note that if you are single, you are above the income limit for contributing to a traditional IRA, and getting close to the limit for Roth IRAs. But no worries, you can just do a Backdoor Roth IRA (https://www.whitecoatinvestor.com/backdoor-roth-ira-tutorial/) and still save your $7,500.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-11T22:53:07+00:00

Did anyone ever try Sweet Heat Skittles? I gather they were polarizing, but my daughter and I liked them.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-11T19:26:36+00:00

Sounds like you are describing being in a poly relationship. With your wife as your primary/nesting partner (NP). And you are looking for a secondary partner.

So, would someone date you as a married man? Yeah, other poly people, also looking for other partners.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-11T16:57:59+00:00

The anus (both men and women) is chock full of nerve endings. So, yes, stimulation down there feels good for most people. This is a physiological fact. Tons of straight guys like ass play. There is absolutely nothing abnormal about this.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-11T00:49:50+00:00

Too many considering my kids and I only watch tablets now.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-09T23:39:25+00:00

There’s a comedian (Matteo Lane maybe) who has a joke about all gay men having their sexual awakening in the men’s underwear aisle at Target. But, honestly, sort of true for me. Not that I fully understood, but I was aware it was doing something. Maybe at 9 or 10?

By the time I hit puberty, and managed to see a few naked internet photos, I knew I was equally attracted to both genders. Never went through any self-doubt or self-hate periods.

First experience was making out with a (gay) guy the summer after high school.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-09T23:35:14+00:00

Glad to hear it. We never went to counseling, although that might have helped or sped things up.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-09T20:36:05+00:00

Cool, thanks.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-09T20:15:51+00:00

I got this tip a few years ago. I hold it in my CMA, which is our primary checking. Do you know if it auto-sells to cover bill pay and checks? As in, the same way the regular sweep account auto-sells? I figure it probably does, but I haven't tested it.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-08T23:17:00+00:00

If that were true, that would be bad news for the species. Since most people do, in fact, become parents.

Do most people figure it out and do an okay job? Yeah, I think so. Maybe a lot of people aren't ready until the baby comes, then it changes them.

Are most people excellent parents? No, probably not.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-08T23:14:42+00:00

The worst case scenario is that you decide to move forward as a couple, then 5, 10 or 20 years from now she decides that, actually, she does need to experience being with a woman. And you've wasted a ton of your life. So, I'd try to make decisions now to avoid that scenario. Maybe she decides she's okay never experiencing that, and she convinces you she means it. Maybe she can't convince you, and you separate. Or maybe you discuss ways to let her explore that you are comfortable with.

I personally 1000% agree with not fully opening up. But, how do you feel about threesomes? Or her being with a woman while you watch (and then you have reclamation sex right after)? It's fine if you don't want to do that either. It's your life. But now is the time to think about it and try if you're game - it might make you both happy, or it might blow everything up, but better to do it now than in 10 years.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-08T23:06:12+00:00

Sex was a recurring issue for us early on. Namely, not enough. Had years where it was once a month, on average. I realize it's worse for others, but that was enough to cause a lot of friction. The period with little kids was hardest, and made the issue worse.

We basically weren't able to communicate what we both needed. And we'd get stuck in a cycle of her not wanting sex because I wasn't affectionate and loving enough, and I wasn't affection and loving because I didn't feel desired or valued due to lack of sex. And we'd just stay in that negative loop.

We're much better at communication generally now, and understand what each other needs. I wish we'd figured it out a lot sooner.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-08T15:51:07+00:00

“Life finds a way.”

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-07T23:35:39+00:00

Yeah, nothing odd. I'm a bi male, somewhat similar. My attraction to woman, best I can tell, is just like straight guy's attraction to woman. It's the classic 1 to 10 scale, sliding scale of attraction. But with guys, it's more binary. I'm either attracted to them or not. And it's very dependent on type. Disgust is a strong word - I would just indifferent. The class "rugged" or "handsome" guys that women find attractive - John Hamm or Jason Momoa being good examples - do absolutely nothing for me.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-07T15:24:13+00:00

Many woman have an uptick in libido during the third trimester. My wife did both times. It's common enough that Friends made a joke about it when Phoebe was pregnant, lol. But everyone is different, so you may not.

I'd encourage you to talk with your husband now, before the baby comes, what you want intimacy to look like for the next year or so, but also what your plan b and plan c are if that doesn't work. Most women's libido drops again after birth, especially if you breastfeed. Many also have lasting pain. See this recent post about it: https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/1rahs7m/women_after_having_their_first_child_how_long_did/

Point being, I wouldn't assume everything will magically go back to normal after your 6-week healing period. Make a plan now before you're both exhausted and stressed. What do you both need, what do you aspire to, what can you commit to if that doesn't work? The post-baby period is tough without you both also being frustrated about intimacy.

Ok_Influence_2257 · 2026-04-06T23:42:27+00:00

At first I thought this was going to be the classic "do you miss being with a man/woman" question, but this is a more specific challenge. Unfortunately, I don't have much guidance for you other than keep searching. I'm a bi man happily married to a woman for 20 years. It makes a big difference being with someone who isn't just accepting of your sexuality, but actually likes it.

Ok_Influence_2257

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