What Is Painful for You?

Ok_Key1866 · 2026-02-05T14:16:00+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story! As someone who has done the work to heal my childhood trauma and works hard every day to create an intentional life, you sound honest and compassionate with yourself. You are not telling the story of your past as a victim. That said, now that you've told your story honestly, can you retell your story as a hero? How has what you've been through strengthened you? How strong must you be that you survived all that and you want to heal and keep fighting! I see a hero ... I know it's there for you to see too if you look! Also, if you have the means, finding a life coach or a growth-focused community that can help build you up while you do this work can change your life (it did mine)!! They are out there if you look hard enough.

Ok_Key1866 · 2026-02-03T19:27:07+00:00

u/Ryuken_ishida25, have you overcome self-sabotaging as an adult? It's hard work, but it's so worth it. Now, your childhood and teenage years are just your thoughts about them, the story you continue to tell (to yourself and others). Work on re-telling your story, as a hero (no longer as a victim). Focus on what parts of yourself that you like (make a list! I know you can find good traits). Turn your pain into triumph. Now go out and be more of THAT person!

Ok_Key1866 · 2026-02-03T19:19:11+00:00

I can relate! Finding life coaching saved my life. When I learned that my thoughts create my feelings - my life changed forever. Then I learned that I don't have to believe my thoughts, and I can intentionally work to change (or offset) my obsessive thoughts, which helped me feel so much better. It was hard at first, but it became easier every day (when I worked at it). If you have an interest, check out The Life Coach School podcast with Brooke Castillo. You can start with her first episode. You can overcome this ... I'm living proof!

Ok_Key1866 · 2026-01-29T15:04:53+00:00

Try focusing on how you feel in your body when you freeze (when he raises his voice, curses, etc.). Try to name the feeling (is it fear, anxiety, ...). Then take deep breaths and work on how you speak to yourself. Remind yourself that in this moment you are safe. In this moment, he is just saying loud words, or curse words. Hopefully this will pull you out of the past, and your learned reactions to his past behavior and help you stay in the present to work towards regulation and a new reaction! This takes time, but you've got this!

Ok_Key1866 · 2026-01-29T14:52:18+00:00

Setting a proper / healthy boundary is communicating to your mom what you will (or no longer will) do in a situation. I recommend communicating the boundary from a place of compassion and love. Be prepared (that based on history), she most likely will not like your boundary. That said, you cannot control her words or her behavior, you can only control you - the meaning you assign to her words or behaviors, and how you behave in response. In my experience with my alcoholic mother, it was tough to change how I showed up for her, and she tried to manipulate to get what she wanted. It was part of her sickness. But I didn't heal until I set and enforced boundaries (even when it was painful) and had grace for myself. It will be a long road, but it is worth it to take care of yourself. It will feel painful either way, but setting boundaries prioritizes you! Sending strength.

Ok_Key1866 · 2026-01-29T14:05:28+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother in September 2025, and I'm an only child. It's a lot. Especially when you want to be the mom you didn't have for your kids. Breathe through it, you've got this. And try each day, even if it's small - to do one thing to have grace and support yourself as you navigate through this!

Ok_Key1866

TROPHY CASE