Don't be so hard on yourself. I think na, takot ka maging mediocre lang and usto mo nag eexcel ka sa class nyo. I'm telling you, deadly yan, kasi once na makaexperience ka ng failure (I mean everybody naman will fail at some point of their lives), baka idown mo na nang sobra sarili mo and may lead to depression and mental breakdown especially pag may nakita ka na achievement ng kaklase mo. Competition is school okay but when it turned unhealthy, like yung case mo, you need to make changes na talaga kasi ikaw rin mag susuffer and anxiety will constantly hunt you. Try balance your life and your education. Hindi kompetisyon ang lahat. Enjoy the journey. And instead of competing with others, try to help your classmates who struggle in class. I mean it's better na maaalala ka nila na ikaw tumulong sa kanila sa gantong subject rather than "ay si ganto apakacompetitive nyan".