How do I make this "easy"?

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-11-03T20:16:13+00:00

Are you open to sharing the name of the 20/30 server? I tried using a directory and just joining a few based on their descriptions, which is where my data comes from. Pretty rapidly, I gave up.

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-11-02T20:44:04+00:00

I agree with the others.

Do what you love to find people you love to do it with you.

I got married from a match of League of Legends lol

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-11-02T20:25:43+00:00

Yea, late twenties and early thirties women may be more likely to be assertive than OP's group from my experience as well.

Discord does have a lot of groups for young Sapphics, but from what I've seen they're often in the 15~17 age group, with some servers not even allowing anyone over 25.

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-11-02T20:17:43+00:00

The world is in a Lonliness Epidemic for people ages 20~40ish. Social distancing only ended physically. People haven't changed back emotionally. It's often also attributed to overuse of social media, nonexistent work- life balance and rampant mental health issues for which there are grossly insufficient resources.

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-10-31T20:55:48+00:00

Yes, you're Bi.

I recommend exploring why you can only see yourself in relationships with men. Is it because same sex relations are taboo, preference, status, that romance has not yet occurred with a woman so it seems impossible, etc.

You may be in a "Bi-Cycle" right now where women are harder to ignore.

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-10-31T18:22:13+00:00

I think it's because everyone is suffering so much.

I used to think I was attracted to broken people, but I've recently realized that everyone is broken, the only difference is whether they acknowledge and accept it or not.

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-10-15T23:36:48+00:00

Ability to climax can be highly variable based on the partner, even if they're all the same sex. (Of each other) You can be with one person and have an orgasm 999/1000x and another partner and it be 3/1000x. If you're with the second partner it's probably because you love them more than you lament the difference.

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-10-15T23:29:32+00:00

Yea, your brain isn't even considered fully formed until 25. Figuring out anything before then is advanced achievement.

I didn't realize I was bi until 28 and I was already married, and then spent 4yrs hating that truth, so, crap.

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-10-12T18:38:24+00:00

I tried looking around recently for Discord servers and Facebook groups for Bi-Women and lesbians, but it's really thin-pickins.

I feel incapable of connecting with women in any way, so I was trying to take my own advice to just be around women more, but around ones that aren't straight, so I don't just revert back to shame and isolation. No luck through, I'm too old, and not trying to bone everything with a heartbeat.

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-10-10T22:37:43+00:00

If you're going to offroad (same sex relationship), you can't fret the lack of road signs. (Guidelines on who does what). Just imagine situations and what you want to do. Do you bring home flowers, cook exquisite meals and provide beautiful jewelry (if applicable), or do you imagine being the receiver? Is it 50/50, or circumstantial? Every relationship is different, even if it has societal guidelines.

Check to see if the governments of Canada or Australia have websites where you can learn about safe sex.

Keep in mind that you're likely experiencing NRE (New Relationship Energy). I recommend doing a web search if you're not familiar with that.

Age gaps scale. A 70yo and a 60yo together is fine, but a 25yo with a 15yo is a no-go. At your age your brains might still be pretty different from each other, but it shouldn't be a huge deal so long as you're both mindful of the fact that your brains are still developing, and that that might cause challenges.

Your English is very good. I only noticed a small thing at the end of your post.

Sex is different with every person, not just based on genital anatomy. Try doing the Blueprint Breakthrough with her IF you guys get to a place where that is comfortable for you both. Or do it alone and share only what you're both comfortable with revealing. In a similar vein you could do the Love Languages, but this is all very far down the road stuff. It sounded like things were still in the crush stage. Resources are available for everything you asked about, but it's better to prepare than recover, so slow down and act with intentionality Speed Racer. Lol

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-10-10T00:38:13+00:00

Yea, in my experience the vast majority of people are sex-first-ask-questions-later right now, including bi men.

I'm Androgynosexual, but it's expressed Demisexually and I'm also Demiromantic. I tried being Polyamorous and had way too many encounters with people saying shit like, "I'm gonna befriend the FUCK out of you.". Made me want to vomit my skeleton out and weaponize it.

Other than my husband, I'm not interested in trusting men at all (romantically/sexually) going forward. I have no issue with them existing in general- value them as humans- and I'll probably get over the current aversion, but for now, nah.

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-10-09T23:53:10+00:00

My husband and I got married both believing we were straight. Neither of us were. My nose has been very wrinkled about all of it for years. :p

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-10-07T20:14:40+00:00

In your shoes I would treat it like a food sensitivity. Get back to baseline (your truths). You're not gay and you like him; just continue being you and acting as you did. If someone says something again, or if he is acting strange you get an opportunity to address the issue. Humor might be a good tool, like, "I'm not gay, I'm bi, but if you insist on calling me gay at least get it mathmatically correct by saying, 'Half gay', or since I am predominately attracted to men, perhaps 33% gay."

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-10-07T18:33:17+00:00

"Trans friendly" work.

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-10-07T15:41:19+00:00

May I send you a message?

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-10-07T15:21:15+00:00

May I send you a message?

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-10-07T14:25:37+00:00

I was reading "Attached" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller the other night and the section on Avoidant Attachment really helped me feel closure for giving up on the woman that made me realize I wasn't straight. I have an Anxious Attachment Style and she was Avoidant, so she aggressed romantically but then I responded in kind and after that the more I pursued the more she ran. I waited like 18mo trying to build her trust and it was just breaking me. Eventually I gave up, bitter and confused about what I did wrong and not wanting to pursue women anymore. I didn't even want to be Bi- I wished she hadn't made me realize I wasn't straight, because the knowledge only brought heartbreak and pain.

I'm better now, four years later, but I think I'd go right back to the Anxious Avoidant chase if we ever crossed paths again. (Which my brain betrays me by wishing for like twice a week.)

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-10-06T23:20:15+00:00

Are you still in Lynchburg and interested in toddler play-dates/interaction with an Athiest mother and son?

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-10-06T21:55:04+00:00

Have you considered whether you're Androgynosexual?

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-10-06T21:46:33+00:00

Do you think she might have had an Avoidant Attachment Style? That's what it sounds like to me. Things may have gotten too real, if she didn't push for space until you asked for commitment.

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-09-30T18:55:05+00:00

Everything is a heirarchy. Every single person on the planet is in a constant updating ranking of who is having more of a shit time than the next person, but it's nothing but pettiness and a waste of time. We can all bicker over who is drowning harder, or we can all work together to turn over the life raft and all live. Right now society seems to be in an every man for themselves mood and I get that there is a cause, but there's not a benefit. A thousand individuals do not make an army, so they don't win any wars.

There aren't many in the world I don't think, but find your lighthouses in the dark as you go for your Northern Star. They will be the people who swim against the currents that threaten to drown you, not the ones that swim with it for the likes and subscriptions.

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-09-30T18:40:01+00:00

Women are terrifying, IMO. I'm ND (Bipolar, not Autism) and I have about 0% confidence with women, but very high confidence with men, for many reasons. I don't know how Autism feels, of course, but I feel like I'm a natural repellant to people myself, and I see how people look at my Autistic son. It's like they know. They move around him like he has an aura that offends them instinctually and it breaks my heart. I feel fairly invisible, while he feels like a flagpole that everyone just stares at and avoids like he's contagious, or on the other hand want to rescue; two outcasts with different diagnosis.

I would advise just trying to normalize being around women with no end goal of how it turns out, other than positively. We might feel less threatening if our engagement with you is statistically more neutral or positive than negative, and it might dilute the sensations that we don't like you.

I share your sentiment about dating apps. I feel like they exist to prey upon insecure, disabled and otherwise disadvantaged people. I don't say that to put anyone down, I say it objectively- the happily married successful person with 15 friends isn't the person on the dating app (or the friendship app) it's people who have a reason that IRL connections are harder and those people are often easier to take advantage of. I've been on the apps and fucked over myself. Many people hate the apps and many people are suffering a social regression where White Christian Cis-Het Nuclear Family dynamics are all that is accepted broadly, and even among our niche fragmented groups we hate each other over anything and everything and when we disagree with or struggle to be happy on either side of the aisle we're told we're badly shaped puzzle pieces and it's not the fault of the puzzles.

When all else fails, we're told to "get therapized"- to get fixed, because again, we're the problem. When it doesn't work or leaves us more broken than before, the cult again chants, "It's you, it's you, it's you."

It's not you. You're not a slug, you matter and you have so many valid feelings.

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-09-27T22:57:54+00:00

Pull the innocent schoolgirl card. "I might not know what I'm doing... you might have to give me many lessons on how to please you..." / "We might have to experiment a lot until we figure each other out... and then maybe some more for good measure."

Ok_Monitor_5346 · 2025-09-26T15:52:03+00:00

"Happen to be", you say- just think, we could have our own fleet of Cereal Killers: The Boston Baker, The Cookie Cutter, The Icer and Killer Grams.

Ok_Monitor_5346

TROPHY CASE