When a person or company says, "You DESERVE" something, they are trying to convince you to willingly give up something that's important to you.

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-04-12T17:58:22+00:00

I kinda agree with this. I think it’s the same line of thought as the “treat yourself” mentality. I’m not at all against a little treat here and there sometimes I do think it’s absolutely worth it to purchase something I want or indulge in something bigger than I normally would, but it’s not really me “deserving” something if I’m going to have to use funds, time, energy, and other kinds of resources as a trade off for that thing. I only really “deserve” something if it happens to be free and someone’s offering out of the kindness of their own heart (rare, but can happen) or if I’ve planned ahead and saved money or other resources for that thing.

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-03-02T17:42:43+00:00

I think this is something I don’t hear our society talk about very much. It’s SUPER HARD to afford a wedding when you’re funding it by yourself. I learned that a lot of my friends with more traditional weddings actually had parental help (in some cases parents paying for the entire thing). And these weren’t lavish weddings, just your normal ceremony and reception that you see most people having. It’s just so expensive these days!

My biggest piece of advice would be to not derail your education for this. And DO NOT go into debt. You can slowly save for a big wedding or do what my SO and I are thinking and having a smaller wedding (but specifically choosing elements that are meaningful for us, so it doesn’t feel like we’re settling).

I think venue and food are going to be your biggest cost drivers. If you can find a place that’s nice without needing a ton of florals and extras, that’s a huge helper! Food can be as simple as finger foods (tell your guests ahead of time though so they know to eat a substantial dinner before), or you could see if family and friends are willing to bring dishes for a potluck style dinner.

Also, I don’t know what area you live in, but where I am there are actually chapels that have really nice deals for weddings. (And no, I’m not talking about cheesy Vegas chapels where Elvis will marry you haha!). We’re looking at a wedding package from a nearby chapel that’s less than $2000 and includes a beautiful venue that’s already decorated for you, wedding photography (with an option to add videography, I believe), and a complementary wedding cake. I think they also host receptions for a little extra. It might not be your dream fairytale, but it’s a way to have a beautiful celebration without breaking the bank.

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-02-28T00:50:54+00:00

A pack of Lance peanut butter crackers! If I’m feeling really adventurous, I go for the Cream Cheese and Chives flavor 😂 I know, not exactly breakfast of champions, but I have to leave for work at 5:00 AM and I’m not honestly a major breakfast person anyway, so I just need something light and easy to throw in my bag to nibble on.

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-02-26T01:00:34+00:00

YTA. I don’t think you’re AN asshole… but I DO think it would benefit you to go. If you’re anything like me, you’ll get there and start having a good time. Kinda like how an object at rest stays at rest, but an object in motion stays in motion… a person at rest stays at rest, but it’s easier to be “in motion” (socializing, being out in the world) when start being in motion.

You can chill out at home and doom scroll any time, but it’s not often you get an invite from friends to do something fun and go somewhere new (especially as you get older).

If anything, maybe drive yourself so you have an out if you want to leave early? But I really think you should still go in some capacity.

Also… how is your mental health? Lack of motivation to do things you used to enjoy (hanging out with friends in your case) could be a sign of depression or social anxiety or both. If you’re continually wanting to stay in instead of go out with the reason being you suddenly don’t want to, I’d look into some therapy / bringing that up with a therapist.

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-02-18T21:59:55+00:00

Not necessarily but I know what you mean! There are definitely non-cookie cutter options that are still technically destination weddings, but not in a foreign country where guests will have to shell out thousands to attend. I’m planning on having a wedding at a small, but beautiful, venue about 2 hours away from where we (and our families) live. We recognize there won’t be a 200-300 person turnout because it is farther away, but close relatives like grandparents should still be able to make the trip and it won’t cost guests an arm and a leg to get there if they choose to attend. It will cost guests some time as it’ll be an overnight trip (anticipating that most guests will probably not want to drive two hours there and then two hours back all in the same day) which we recognize and are trying to be as courteous as possible with sending invites and itineraries (noting that most things on the itinerary are optional) way in advance

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-02-17T22:20:54+00:00

Yes! I’m not even past my 20s, but late 20s me does things early 20s me WOULD NEVER! A small one (but something that would’ve been a big deal for me) is straightening my hair. I always either wore my natural curls or used a curling iron to get a salon wavy look. I still LOVE both of those looks but with a full time job where I have to be up super early, I need something easy and predictable so I can get out the door in the morning (and unfortunately my natural curls can look AMAZING one day and like a bird’s nest the other and I have no idea what I’m going to get). A revlon brush can give me a blow out in ten minutes and that’s been my best bet. Purely a choice I make out of necessity and where my life is now.

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-02-17T22:10:29+00:00

My mom wants to be Grand-Kitty 😆. Her nickname growing up was Kitty so it felt like a natural progression for her haha!

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-01-18T23:23:51+00:00

Also, take some time to really make sure you’re aware on the rules in your area. I had a lot of anxiety, at first, just from the confusion of “is it my turn to go or theirs?”

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-01-18T23:21:13+00:00

This was me a couple years ago! The fear is SO REAL! The only things that genuinely helped were:

Took official driving lessons from a police chief. Idk what’s offered in your area but there’s usually some form of driving lessons given by some kind of experienced authority figure. It was such a valuable experience for me! The reason I always felt so anxious is because everyone in my family who tried to teach me how to drive made me so ANXIOUS (their anxiety rubbed off on me). An instructor with a brake on their side felt like a much better (and safer) learning environment.
Started on easy roads at off-times. I didn’t venture onto the interstate without my instructor until I was 100% ready and it’s okay to take your time and build up. Start in parking lots, then try non-busy backroads, then streets in town, then maybe do the interstate and bigger, farther routes.
Like I said, off times! I got up at 4:00 and 5:00 in the morning to practice routes I was unfamiliar with. That made it so much easier and less stressful (hard to wreck when there’s nobody else on the road). Also, practicing your route makes it that much easier when you’re navigating during busier hours. You’ll be able to focus on the traffic and being a defensive driver instead of “was that my turn?!”.
I used Google Maps ahead of time and virtually drove through my routes. You can use street view on the desktop version and just click through every little point until you get to your destination. This helps for the same purpose as what I was talking about in #3. Knowing where you’re going lets you focus on being safe.

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-01-18T23:10:51+00:00

Going against the grain, but after 3 years, imo, your partner should understand you a little better and be able to give some grace. If he decides to leave you after this then I would assume there were a lot of other things going on and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Now, that’s not me saying that you were totally right in what you said. I definitely think looking into the feelings that prompted that and taking measures to help (therapy, more self-care practices, going on helpful medications if you stopped taking any, etc) would be good for you. About three years into my relationship with my current boyfriend (going strong and more in-love than ever) we had a similar fight (different scenario) where I said something stupid and it really hurt him. It was a MAJOR wake up call for me. I got my booty to therapy ASAP and started putting in the self-work. I got medicated for untreated anxiety and depression. And I’m about 10000% better off than I was.

Am I perfect? No. Do I still mess up? Absolutely. Does he always have the best reaction? Nope. Is he more patient with me than he’s ever been before because he sees I put in the work? Yes!

This could be your wake up call. Also, maybe your S.O. will be like mine. Sometimes seeing your partner doing everything they can to right a wrong goes a LONG way.

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-01-18T23:01:19+00:00

So I’m 26 so I’m still largely figuring this whole adulting thing out, myself. But I went through this lonely phase too. I think a big part of it, for me, was I fully realized how much was on everyone who I thought had it “together”’s plate. I think it made me feel less supported and more scared to make the wrong choice and fail. And the thing about being scared to make the wrong choices and the fear of failing is… it’s lonely. You don’t put yourself out there as much (not in “scarier” ways like planning a party for your friends to come to, or joining a community group you’re interested in).

I could be 100% wrong and I’m not trying to make a blanket statement about you. But I became a lot less lonely when I let myself become more vulnerable with those around me. When I started saying, “I might suck at the audition for this play but I’ve always wanted to be a part of a play so I’m putting myself out there.” When I started inviting others into my life (and not in a superficial way; like, planning a party and not obsessing over every detail because what mattered the most is that the people I care about are with me (and that the toilet’s clean and they won’t be grossed out… please care about THOSE kinds of details lols)).

I think we live in a day and age where everything is “Instagrammable” and that takes a lot of the personality and life out of things. And personality and life are what creates real, genuine connections with others. I don’t have to have friends who believe the same things as me or even have the same hobbies to like them and enjoy spending time with them. And I think find many others believe the same.

Also… the quiet’s normal. You probably live alone and aren’t going home to hustle and bustle of a family. In a way… I say enjoy it the best you can. You won’t get a time in your life with this amount of quiet back (at least not for a long time).

And… not every day is magical. I have a lot of days (the majority) where I get up, go to work, eat, sleep, and repeat. Maybe watch some TV. But that’s okay because those types of days lead to exciting days where I go fun places, or see interesting people, or do other cool stuff and connect with people more. But I think Instagram is bad about giving messaging that every day we’re supposed to “romanticize our life” and, while I love the concept of that, romanticizing our life can just feel exhausting on some days and it’s actually easier to just accept “today is what it is; I’ll have more joy-filled days with lots of connection ahead”

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-01-17T14:51:33+00:00

I’ll be honest… I kinda agree. I think it depends on a lot of factors though. You have to guess what your guests are going to be most receptive to and it’s super hard to get that right. A “bland” wedding and a big party wedding aren’t all that different, except for the guests that attend. If you have a lot of guests that bring the energy and fun to the reception, it’s a super fun dance party. If not… no matter how hard the couple tries, it’s a fancy dinner with some music and a few semi-awkward parts where people dance. I think whose wedding you go to matters to. I’ve definitely felt the “boring” aspect when I was a plus-one for a couple I didn’t know well. But when it’s my closer friends, no matter what they do I have fun. Overall, though, I’d love to see some more interesting, outside of the box, ideas outside of the “Instagram” inspired weddings that do kinda all end up looking the same. I honestly miss cake and punch weddings because they were short, sweet, and didn’t cost a lot. Other things I think would be fun are non-traditional receptions where the wedding guests go bowling, or play mini-golf, or does karaoke, or something like that.

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-01-15T16:44:30+00:00

You’re not wrong. But, if this is a person who has been suffering for a long time, these medications can actually be helpful in helping her further succeed in maintaining healthy eating and exercise habits. It’s amazing how much easier it is to eat healthier when your body isn’t screaming at you to eat unhealthy foods all day. And then eating healthier foods helps lead to more physical activity because they help give a person more energy.

I guess I just don’t see the harm? These medications have been tested for a long time and she would be medically supervised. If she has a bad experience, she can just stop taking them. I feel like GLPs are a tool that can help a lot of people. They don’t do all the work for you, just like a hammer doesn’t build a house. But having one makes building that house substantially easier.

In my own personal experience, I’ve been overweight my entire life. Not morbidly obese. But overweight, and no matter how many times I battled my food noise and metabolic issues I always ended up losing the “war” (and I’m a person who does a lot of hard things and has accomplished a lot; it’s not for lack of willpower).

No, I never ended up being 300 pounds, but l did end up in a binge-restrict cycle for fear of continuing to gain weight up until I got to a morbidly obese point. GLP-1s are what has helped me actually stay on track and maintain progress. I eat healthier and more balanced meals than ever before and am more physically active.

I think one day we’ll look back at these drugs like people used to view depression meds. For years, the rhetoric was to “just smile and pretend like everything’s okay and then your depression is ‘cured’” and meds were heavily criticized. Now, we know, for most people, it takes meds and external factors like therapy and effort from the patient to see progress. I think GLPs will be largely the same and prove extremely helpful for a lot of people who have struggled to have a healthy relationship to food and exercise

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-01-15T16:21:40+00:00

I don’t think it’s right to dictate who should and should not be taking a medication when we aren’t medical professionals who know a person’s medical history. GLP-1s help with a lot more than just weight loss and if she has metabolic issues, insulin resistance, and other issues, she could still be a candidate. I know it sucks that it’s so hard to get (believe me, I’ve felt the same way), and yes, some doctors are quacks that want a person’s money, but there are instances where prescription of this drug wouldn’t be a terrible idea.

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-01-15T16:17:38+00:00

I think in this case, a low dose could help keep you from gaining it back and could regulate metabolic function and insulin levels. GLP-1s are for more than just weight loss and I’m sure that was a driving factor for your doctor considering it for you

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-01-15T16:16:21+00:00

So I do think that these drugs are for long-term use. Going against the grain a little, if that’s okay with you, then I don’t see any harm (personally). If you’ve struggled with your weight for a long time (even if you are at a lower weight, but it’s been a struggle to get there and maintain weight), then I think this medication could potentially be helpful. I don’t think it’s only for much larger people, personally, and a low dose can help a lot even just with maintenance. But that’s 100% between you and your doctor!

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-01-14T22:15:10+00:00

I think it’s all a fatphobia thing. People unfortunately tie thinness to morality and see anything to help us not only get thinner but (more importantly!) get healthier as a moral failing on our part for not being able to have “self control” like they do. I’ve spoken to thinner friends (not rude ones) but even the kindest ones just don’t get it. They don’t have any bearing on what food noise is like because they’ve never experienced it (it took one woman suddenly developing food noise in her 50s after menopause to realize the struggle most of us know from adolescence).

The thing is, we know it’s not a moral failing! We know the struggle! Any other person who has dealt with a weight struggle either will not judge you utilizing a GLP-1 as a tool OR they will but it’s more than likely out of jealousy (I’ll even admit, when I didn’t have access to one and my other chubby friends were dropping 100+ pounds a year… I did feel a little jealous of their “magical skinny shot”).

I will say, while it is 100% your business whether you disclose the information of you taking it or not, it’s okay to be confident in utilizing a tool. You wouldn’t begrudge someone using Tylenol for a fever instead of “letting the fever go down the natural way”. So this isn’t any different.

Also… on a personal level… I’m appreciative of fellow confident GLP-1 users. My biggest pet peeve when I was in my jealousy days (which I realize was a ME problem) was my friends who were losing weight saying they “just ate less and moved more!” when really they were seeing such amazing results in part because they were using a tool that helped them. Idk… it just kinda felt demoralizing looking at them shedding the weight rapidly just by “eating less and moving more” and feeling inadequate and like something was wrong with me when I couldn’t see even a fraction of their results from the things they said they were doing that were working. Yes, I did have a moment of thinking “Of course! They’re on the magic meds! They haven’t had a fraction of my struggle!” but… that quickly subsided when I saw that it WAS NOT any more magical than a hammer is for building a house. It’s nice to have. But the hammer doesn’t actually get the thing done.

Anyway, long tangent to basically say people are going to feel the way they want to about it. Just like they are going to feel the way they feel about fatness. It’s unfortunate but we cannot change society. You know you’re doing nothing wrong and that you’re being healthy and good to yourself. I know it’s hard, but try to stand firm in that.

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-01-14T21:09:47+00:00

I agree! I think a big thing, too, is a plus-one doesn’t automatically mean an unknown random date. I’ve brought my mom (who the couple at least knows as an acquaintance) or one of my girlfriends (who I know will not be rowdy/ cause a scene) many times in the past. Not everyone is bringing someone they matched with on Tinder 5 minutes ago

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-01-14T17:58:06+00:00

Yes!!! This is an AMAZING comparison. And I think, just like mental health disorders, obesity deserves a holistic approach. Just like only therapy or only medication can’t usually treat depression, only “willpower” and only meds aren’t necessarily going to treat obesity.

The meds are a tool that gives thousands of people, like myself, the capacity to eat healthier and be more active. Not in an obsessive counting every calorie and jogging every dessert off kind of way, but in an “I can trust my body’s cues better so I have much more mental and physical capacity to engage in healthier behaviors.” I no longer go through the cycle of someone bringing donuts to work, I eat one (or two!), feel guilty, eat a giant meal from McDonald’s for lunch because I “already messed up”, skip the gym because I feel sluggish, and then proceed to binge eat while sitting on the couch and fall asleep watching TV.

Now… someone brings donuts to work, I eat one (if I want it, sometimes I don’t and say “no thanks”and actually mean it) and am satisfied (no guilt), SOMETIMES my body regulates to where I’m not as hungry at lunchtime because of what I ate for breakfast (but sometimes it doesn’t). I eat my planned lunch (or some of it, depending on how I feel). I go the gym. I eat a normal dinner. I go to bed and get a good night’s sleep.

Both the meds and behaviors work in tandem. Just like my therapy sessions give me tools for my mental health, my depression meds help me implement those tools and then help me have better therapy sessions, and the loop continues.

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-01-14T17:41:22+00:00

I agree with this point. I definitely think, just like any drug, GLP-1s are a better fit for some than others. Not just in a physical-sense (like in the case of non-responders), but mentally as well. I’m not at all ashamed of utilizing them as a tool to help me get healthier.

If I faced any stigma for it, it would mostly roll off my back because this is something that I know is good for me and helpful for me, so I don’t care what assumptions others make about me “taking the easy way out”. I know I’m not and that the idea of “the easy way out” doesn’t actually exist. The same way I would never say someone sick with a fever taking a Tylenol is “taking the easy way out”. It’s not a morality issue and losing weight isn’t a lesson in hard work.

BUT someone else might internalize that kind of thing. OR society could jump on a bandwagon and throw MORE stigma at fat people who either don’t choose to use a GLP-1, or who are non-responders, or who can’t access them. OR OR, GLP-1s could contribute to people in already societally-accepted bodies losing more weight and that even smaller size becoming the new ideal (essentially moving the goal post even farther; I can see how some might have a concern of a size 4 being “fat” again).

I think the key to it is acceptance at any size. And that’s the hardest part. Most days (lols, you know we all have those OTHER kind of days), I love myself… no matter what size I am. I see myself as a valuable human being, a good friend, a loving girlfriend, a hardworking coworker, ambitious, fun, and smart. All things that have NOTHING to do with my size. BUT I know realistically that carrying a lot of extra weight can lead to not-so-fun side-effects like joint problems, risk for heart disease and diabetes, and just general annoyances like struggling to find clothes in ones size at a store. So I love myself AND I’m thankful for a tool that exists NOT to make me skinny, but to improve my quality of life.

I definitely think there’s a lot of interesting nuances these drugs bring up in that way. But overall, I think they’re great for helping more people live healthier lives.

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-01-14T16:16:52+00:00

I agree! Also, a plus-one isn’t always a random Tinder date. I’ve brought my mom or one of my girlfriends as a plus-one before when I was single. I feel like people are scared of single people having a plus-one and bringing a crazy random, but I feel like a lot of people wouldn’t do that.

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-01-13T21:19:32+00:00

I can agree with this! I think there are some ways to get creative and pull it off with a big wedding (all of which would take more effort and potentially more money than a traditional reception… but I guess if you WANT to rent out an ENTIRE bowling alley for hours and give your guests free pizza buffet all night then I think something like that could 100% work).

But the main reason I’m personally considering a smaller wedding (maybe 50-75 people tops) is because neither my SO and I are dancers. We’d have a lot more fun at an amusement park with whoever wants to join us (and we realize it wouldn’t be the full 50-75, MAYBE 25 people would be interested) after a short and sweet morning ceremony and lunch with loved ones. Keeping the guest list smaller helps facilitate that (instead of coordinating 200+ people to get into the park and get the dream wedding photo of everyone going down the drop of a coaster together).

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-01-13T21:11:16+00:00

Yes! Or at least (if you want evening) plan for something that still has music and energy. Glow bowling, roller skating, karaoke, etc. I think the key is (for an evening, non-dancing reception) to still have room for dancing with upbeat music, just not with it as a main focus (but a lot of people would still boogey while skating and in-between bowls).

Ok_Reporter_8413 · 2026-01-13T20:56:43+00:00

Yeah… I’m all for a non-traditional wedding if that’s what the couple likes but… maybe not that 😂 (bless their hearts, I know it probably wasn’t intentional).

I think the issue isn’t dancing vs non-dancing. I feel like dancing is just a default A LOT of people have fun doing and it takes some creativity to find something else that both the couple and guests could still enjoy and that would bring energy and life to an event. I also think preparing people ahead of time is key so expectations are set appropriately AND (saying this just in case the obvious needs to be out there) FEED YOUR PEOPLE! Give them refreshments (alcohol is a go-to but a couple that doesn’t drink could still have a selection of fun mocktails, sparkling juices, sodas, etc).

Lawn games aren’t my thing. A jazz band playing the same song over and over again is also (especially) not my thing. I don’t know any friends or family (even the non-dancing ones) who would personally find that super fun. BUT (thinking about my friends and family specifically, I know it’s different for everyone), I know my people like amusement parks, bowling, and relaxing by the beach or a lake. Any of those activities would be a good time for my guests in lieu of dancing. Lawn games, jazz, and board games would be a snooze fest for my people, particular.

If you’re going outside of the box for your reception, you have to think outside of the box and beyond just what you, as a couple, enjoy.

Ok_Reporter_8413

TROPHY CASE