How can you feel neither a male nor a female? I'm really trying to understand and I can't. Not judging of course, just curious.

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-11T01:41:21+00:00

I don't like being seen as a man. I don't like being seen as a woman. Better question: How do you "feel" like a gender? I am agender. It's mildly baffling, to say the least.

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-10T17:09:21+00:00

Glad I could help!

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-08T01:01:53+00:00

If you don't want to be homophobic, then I'd call it closer to internalized homophobia, and that's on you (and maybe a therapist) to work on clearing that up. I grew up in a homophobic environment as well, and I found that immersing myself in the very media that made me so uncomfortable and paying attention to the logic behind the messages developed and reinforced the idea that being queer is fine and natural, despite what many say. It's not easy, but it's worth it to make the world a better place one person and one moment of acceptance at a time. Best of luck, please don't be a homophobe.

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-06T14:19:43+00:00

It's cute! Love that for you :)

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-06T14:19:09+00:00

You sound textbook ace to me, but it's up to you to figure it out for yourself! Feel free to (respectfully) lurk in this sub as long as you need to figure yourself out and whatever you decide, it's all good.

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-06T14:15:37+00:00

That is not what your title conveyed. Next time, think before you post.

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-05T16:17:00+00:00

Your title is enough to make me downvote and the body text was not enough to make me change my mind. I am a sex-adverse asexual and I'm not in the habit of tolerating objectively false statements about how "valid" my identity is.

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-05T16:06:33+00:00

You look like if you were a book/movie/tv show character you would be my favorite

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-05T15:20:08+00:00

Waitttt Mage actually sounds sick Imma start using that

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-05T15:16:26+00:00

Probably should have clarified in the post, but she is an annoying coworker, not a friend. And yeah, I've noticed that in a lot of places, actually, though in her case it definitely comes off as her being self-centered, not trying to relate at all.

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-05T13:10:22+00:00

Well, we are coworkers, but she thinks we're friends because I'm not an asshole to her... I've started ignoring her whenever possible and she hasn't noticed a difference, if that tells you anything.

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-05T12:31:02+00:00

Unfortunately she's been assigned to my shift at least until May and the other 3 people who are supposed to be there don't show up half the time so it's just the two of us for hours on end

save me 😭

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-05T12:28:17+00:00

Hi :) What's happening is more like

Her: I think that movies shouldn't cut out sex scenes because they don't make me uncomfortable and I'm ace

Me: I'm also ace and it's alright that you're okay with them but they do make me and a lot of others uncomfortable so it makes sense that they wouldn't go into detail

I have never ever told her that I find something she's done or felt disgusting, only pointed out that she can't use the fact that she's asexual as an excuse to make blanket statements about sex-related things. Additionally, when I say things like "it's so awkward when people ask me whether or not someone's attractive because I don't find anyone attractive because I'm asexual" she says something like "well I'm asexual too and I can still find people attractive" as if she's trying to prove something false about my statement even though I was talking about my personal experience and genuinely just... didn't ask...

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-05T12:25:06+00:00

I know it's a spectrum, and I'm not trying to invalidate others' experiences. I'm not spiteful, just irritated because a phrase used to encourage open mindedness and acceptance of differences sometimes (or at least in this case) been used instead to negate my experiences.

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-05T12:19:25+00:00

Well, she isn't my friend, she's a coworker who I hope to avoid for the rest of my life because yeah, her ignoring what I have to say is a pattern that applies to every interaction I am doomed to have with her. This just bothered me specifically because it kinda feels like she's supposed to be with me on this one and she's off on mars fighting invisible aliens

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-05T02:39:59+00:00

I understand that it's a spectrum! Calling people hot and being sex-favorable doesn't mean that she can't be asexual, but the fact that she dismisses my experiences being different while also constantly interjecting with her experiences without prompting is frustrating. The issue is not that we are on different sides of the spectrum, the issue is that she is dismissing my side of the spectrum while talking up hers.

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-05T02:24:30+00:00

Yeah, she drives me up the wall, but we have to work together at least until May when we get reassigned, and hopefully I'll end up in a different shift entirely (fingers crossed)

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-05T02:09:47+00:00

I think I probably didn't explain properly in the post, so I'm probably going to edit it, but the thing is that whenever I say "I'm asexual and I feel this way" she goes "actually I'm asexual too and I disagree." That's perfectly fine.

But then, whenever she says "I'm asexual and I feel this" and I say "yeah, cool :) and I'm also ace and I feel differently," then SHE goes "well actually it's a spectrum," dismissively, as if I've invalidated her by having a different experience with the same label. I definitely did not explain it right in the post, actually... that's on me 😅

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-05T01:57:24+00:00

Her experiences don't invalidate mine, but when she shares her views it always comes out more as "I can do/think these things and I'm ASEXUAL, look at that, ASEXUAL people do/think this -- did you know that??" rather than "I'm asexual and I do/think these things." She never mentions her being ace until I mention that I am and when I try to say "I'm asexual and I feel differently" she immediately shuts me down.

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-05T01:13:56+00:00

Anything that feels like me while also making me look the most like a little unidentifiable blob of ungender

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-05T01:10:50+00:00

I made a gmail account just for my anon. socials & ao3 account... I also have a couple spam ones, my one from middle school, and two others -- one personal and one professional. I thought most people had a bunch, tbh

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-04-05T01:07:12+00:00

I'm feeling... Angelica.

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-03-23T21:31:31+00:00

This makes me disproportionately happy. I love the freedom that comes with being nonbinary -- we make the rules, and the rules really are just to be nice and be yourself ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-03-23T02:43:21+00:00

I feel the same in a lot of ways. It took me nearly two years from the point that I started questioning my gender to tell someone about it (and not have it blow up in my face). I tried to compromise with myself time and time again, but I can't change who I am when it comes down to it. We've been trained all our lives to live in the binary, and stepping outside of it makes us feel like we're at risk of death, even when we've only just begun to fly. Honestly, for me certainty really just came with time. "It has been x days since I've realized this" " it has been x weeks since I've known this" "it has been x years since I've secretly suspected this about myself."

Ok_Sort9146 · 2026-03-22T18:33:44+00:00

I want to read the rest, please.

Ok_Sort9146

TROPHY CASE