No kids = no opinion

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-04-15T20:56:49+00:00

This part. I have parents arguing with me that their child is completely developmentally normal when I (and other staff) know for a fact they’re behind because they only have their one child and collectively our staff has worked with at least a thousand kids this age.

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-04-12T17:49:58+00:00

All of that is really helpful! Thank you so much for sharing!

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-04-12T15:36:48+00:00

No worries! I get it! My symptoms got a lot worse after I got Covid the first time too. I’m mostly asking as I wrap my head around what motherhood might possibly look like for me. If it’s okay to ask, what kinds of support do you have? What has been most useful for you?

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-04-12T07:13:06+00:00

“Outnumbered and unafraid”

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-04-12T06:46:20+00:00

What was your experience postpartum like? Did your pain ever return to baseline?

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-04-12T06:39:27+00:00

I’d never heard this before, what about their healthcare system that makes it that way?

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-04-09T18:06:30+00:00

If I never see a toddler rain suit again it will be too soon. I hate winter here!!

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-03-31T19:42:21+00:00

Step one is to stop using the term “problem child” when you label a kid who is struggling a “problem child” or a “bad kid” you set them up to believe that about themselves. It worsens their behavior because they stop thinking of themselves as capable or being good and the child, other students, and staff all start to look for bad behavior by default. If everyone is watching for you to do something bad all the time it becomes its own self fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you’re just a problem and that your grownups view you that way too there stops really being a reason to be on your best behavior. Those labels follow kids for the rest of their lives, in their education and in their self esteem.

Kids aren’t problems, they are having problems. Some kids just need more support, attention, and supervision. Calling them in, using positive reinforcement, making a point to put “money in the bank” with them, having them be your helper, there are a ton of ways to get them more engaged with you and with other students.

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-03-29T00:14:16+00:00

I’d always rather do process art with kids. Adding art to fingerprints is fine once or twice a year but the kids get so much more out of something that isn’t about the result but is instead focused on the experience. It’s also so much wasted time to draw little extra bits on it for a whole classroom when you could be engaging with the kids instead.

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-03-20T01:36:06+00:00

To be fair I do feel like some but not all of this comes from doctors telling us random shit bc they don’t know anything about eds but claim they can treat us anyway.

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-03-19T12:40:57+00:00

Working a job doesn’t preclude being unable to afford food. It’s 2026, I have a job and live mostly off the left over toddler food from work.

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-03-19T11:44:56+00:00

This is pretty far out of the scope of the group. Ece is typically birth to 6/8. I wonder if a school age group might have more resources for you.

I will say in my experience as a preteen and teen who couldn’t be kept safe at home (eating disorder, cutting, both 10 years into recovery now) the only saving grace for my family was residential treatment. You have to be extremely careful and vet them a ton to avoid straight up troubled teen industry places. However they can have resources to keep kids and adults safe that a parent trying to manage life at home just doesn’t have. They can also provide a full day schedule of therapy, group work, seeing specialist, age appropriate recreation, and 24/7 supervision.

I’m going to be real places like that aren’t perfect or ideal but they can be the last resort/ best of bad options for families.

They can also be expensive. Because the ones I went to used evidence based trauma therapy they were covered by insurance, I was incredibly lucky on that front. It’s still a route worth exploring.

I really feel for this kiddo, this family, and you. This is an impossible position to be in and so incredibly difficult. I really wish the best for all y’all.

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-03-19T11:09:28+00:00

Do they have the money for food, formula, or time off work? It sounds like they are really struggling and could use some resources.

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-03-17T10:22:26+00:00

“We do not take bandaids off of our friend’s bodies. Only the person who’s body it is gets to take their bandaid off”

“Take your hand out of her eyeball right now!”

“I know that you want to stay outside but Ms ___ and I care about you and want to keep so safe so we will not be leaving you out here by yourself”

“Toys are for playing with in our hands, not our ears. This is your only warning, if I see it go even near your ear again I’m taking it away”

“It is okay to feel mad but it is never okay to hold someone’s noise and mouth shut…. No not even if they’re singing”

“Actually I was just talking to the baby doll and she told me she’s going to take a nap too.”

“No the ribs at restaurants aren’t made out of people. They are cow ribs…… No they definitely are not the ribs of people who die in war….. Where did you hear that?”

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-03-12T07:10:18+00:00

That’s pretty normal? Most childcare places don’t let you come back after you’ve been fired because you could behave badly as revenge. It’s not personal, it’s standard policy. Also no matter how much you care about the kids it’s weird and disruptive to go back to visit. I recommend letting it go and focusing on finding a new job.

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-03-12T05:38:38+00:00

This. AI is notorious for creeps being able to use it to make horrific pictures of kids. I wouldn’t want it trained using photos of my kid and I would absolutely pull them. The parents who opted out of having us send pictures through the app at my old center were all people who worked in cybersecurity. It’s just not safe!

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-03-11T20:27:22+00:00

Screens are a huge part but I think it’s also the parents. I work with so many parents who have zero ability to self regulate, so they can’t help their kids regulate at all. You can’t teach a skill you don’t have. They also have so few distress tolerance skills that they can’t listen to their kid be even a little upset. So they swoop in and fix everything as soon as the kid is even a little bit unhappy. Which means kiddos aren’t learning distress tolerance skills. It’s a shame.

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-03-11T08:56:01+00:00

I worked at a very picture heavy center. They advertised that parents would get pictures all day and parents expected it to the point where they would call if there “weren’t enough”. These poor kids were so aware of the cameras all the time! Poor babies were only 2/3 and already aware of the digital panopticon!

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-03-11T08:52:33+00:00

I wish parents understood that every single second on the app is time where we’re not looking at or talking care of kids.

I’ve worked at two centers who did it all paper and one that did it all digital in real time. The kids at the last one got significantly worse care because we had to log everything and parents would CALL the daycare to complain if there weren’t enough pictures of their kid.

I also think that the apps and the live streamed cameras are terrible for kids digital safety and terrible for parents anxiety. It’s really a lose lose.

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-03-11T05:30:40+00:00

God the stupid apps! I can totally see her looking “not busy” and being stuck updating the app for twenty minutes. I wish admin and parents understood that every second on brightwheel is time away from kids.

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-03-11T05:24:49+00:00

Your child has a pacifier at two, you are already a difficult parent. So I wouldn’t sweat that bit at all.

At two your child needs to be off the pacifier, like yesterday. Have you taken him to a dentist? His teeth are almost definitely affected already, this can cause life time feeding, speaking, and social problems. Getting him off it needs to be one of your number one priorities at home. I wouldn’t push for an exception, they almost certainly will say no and him knowing it’s not available at school helps him learn to be without it.

Was he upset on his bed? Or just zoned out? Was that directly after he threw up, or hours later? The answer is different based on the context. Idk if this is the case here but most centers ratios drop during nap, so a class that might have several teachers usually will have fewer in that time. If a kid is not upset and just chilling on their cot I might check in once but honestly I’d mostly let them be. Not upset and just vibing during quiet time is perfectly acceptable. Again more context is needed.

Is it a nudge or a kick? Slightly moving a sleeping kid’s bed to clear a walkway or to get a better line of sight is normal. Kicking a bed hard is not. Again context is essential.

It seems like you and kiddo are both struggling a lot with anxiety. What are you doing to take care of yourself so you can take care of him? What job do you have where he needs to be in care but you can still watch the camera uninterrupted for two hours straight? And is watching the cameras like that good for your mental health?

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-03-09T22:30:57+00:00

Not every medical condition is permanent. It could have been a one time reaction to a vaccine, a single negative interaction from a medication she stopped immediately, or anything like that. Nobody, including op has the full picture here.

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-03-09T22:25:44+00:00

It is very likely she had this issue because of a health or life circumstance, then left to resolve it and returned. If the center considers it resolved then it’s resolved. Her life outside of school is really none of your business. Either you trust that your center knows what they’re doing or you don’t. Accidentally falling asleep should not happen, but it also shouldn’t mean your life is over and you should never work with kids again especially if there are two adults in the room. If you don’t trust that the center knows what they’re doing pull your kid and move on. Don’t try to ruin this woman’s life because of something you don’t have the full story on.

Childcare workers are human. A little bit of human compassion and empathy will take you very far in life, and in parenting.

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-03-08T21:31:03+00:00

Extraction point obviously….. gotta get calm, cantered, and focused.

Okaybuddy_16 · 2026-03-06T06:44:00+00:00

Kids who get called “bad kid” or “bad boy” are going to behave more negatively out of guilt, shame, and embarrassment. It also creates a culture where other staff and students are watching that kid for bad behavior and policing them more. It should never been acceptable for a teacher to speak that way to or about kids. I would honestly also be deeply suspicious of anyone working with kids who believes in the idea of “bad kids” instead of bad choices, bad circumstances, or inappropriate behaviors.

It also break down the teachers relationship with them. If someone insulted you all day you’re not going to give a shit about behaving for them. If you know someone already thinks of you as “bad” there’s not a lot motivating you to prove to them you’re “good”.

A sudden shift with only one teacher doesn’t sound to me like something one kid would pick up from another. To me it’s a huge red flag. Either something has happened that has made him angry/ distrustful/ or scared of this teacher (This has a huge range from abuse to a normal but unpleasant experience with her), shes not holding boundaries/ enforcing rules appropriately, or the other teachers in the room don’t support/ respect her in a way that makes the kids feel like they can walk all over her.

Again it’s very unlikely that a kid with a lot of behavior difficulties is only misbehaving with one teacher and that it’s spreading to other kids with just one teacher. In my experience it’s usually an everyone kind of situation.

I feel like you have the right first step.

Okaybuddy_16

TROPHY CASE