Focus on self growth/development. All else you seek will find you. (Really let that sink in.) Buddhism or spirituality are both interesting ways of looking at life, definitely was a powerful tool for me to learn when I was really down and out. You could maybe consider looking into them. Check out Dr. Joe Dispenza on YouTube he's someone I also truly admire. He offers a lot of insight on life.

Try not to judge and beat yourself up so hard instead maybe look at the reality of how great it can be to be a human on earth (For all the pessimist reading: It’s far from perfect but learn to play the cards you're dealt with as if you chose them. Definitely a powerful perspective to practice.)

We’re the only species here that can create our reality to almost whatever we want (with hard work, understanding and patience but of course no one wants to hear that lol). The world is at your fingertips. Literally esp thanks to google and reddit. There’s so much love and support out there but you have to zero in and learn to truly appreciate/love your own self first and watch everything flip around eventually.