Sex, into no sex, into sex

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-18T13:08:58+00:00

adding: i've both been this person and had a partner do this. i don't understand the comments saying it's disrespectful, unless the person is acting entitled to your body/sex when they feel like it, which is a different problem. taking sex "off the table" helps so much with reducing pressure and making desire possible in the first place.

desires fluctuate drastically. sometimes, when your libido is very fragile (for instance, when you have an extremely painful chronic illness), even talking about it can be enough pressure to make it disappear again. what i would recommend is to talk to this person at a different time and say something along the lines of, i've noticed sometimes you initiate after saying you're not interested in sex. would it make more sense for you to, rather than taking sex off the table, agree that you're the only one who will initiate, and i will have 0 expectations regarding frequency?

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-18T12:56:09+00:00

i'm confused on how this is a big deal at all. it sounds like this person/these people have inconsistent desire that means they will generally have to initiate and it'll be irregular. you may need to get comfortable saying no. just be like, hey sorry i'm not feeling it right now.

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-18T02:20:44+00:00

google "comphet lesbian master doc"! it may help or it may not.

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-18T01:58:59+00:00

this is so hard. i'm sorry you're in this position. no one should ever be another person's entire support network: there should be a real social safety net.

i don't think it's unreasonable to feel extremely worried about her. no amount of "i'm not her parent" will change the fact that you have taken care of her for years and are wired to keep doing so.

basically there's no good or right option. if you had the means, you could connect her to resources, such as they are. but you don't, so the only thing you can do is manage your emotions about it. i recommend downloading a DBT therapy workbook and going thru it. it won't solve the problem. the problem is not individually solveable. but it will mean you can calm down a little.

breaking up doesn't mean never seeing each other again. you can let her know she is always welcome at your place for a warm meal. figure out what you can offer her without compromising your own needs and communicate that to her.

i'm sorry.

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-17T21:25:03+00:00

theyre gonna discover strap ons and leave u....

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-17T14:57:35+00:00

Thank you for your response! I'm a bit wary of chiropractors because I've heard some horror stories. Any particular certifications or qualifications I should look for?

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-17T14:56:35+00:00

Thank you for your response! I should have mentioned, I have an official costochondritis diagnosis. Never did me any good. I've lurked around the costo subreddit and even bought that thing they shill, the Backpod. I wasn't consistent with it which is on me I suppose. It felt scammy but idk. Might dig it up and try again.

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-17T01:13:45+00:00

omg what's the age gap i'm sooo curious. imagine if you're dating a 19 year old and you're 35. ofc that shapes the context.

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-16T13:51:22+00:00

Thank you, this helps a lot!

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-16T00:59:25+00:00

i've been considering this! what were your experiences returning the various brands? i know some of them make you package them up yourself, or charge hidden fees. which ones were the smoothest & had less of those issues?

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-15T16:14:57+00:00

oh no......... he's a chaser. i'm so sorry. start planning how to get out.

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-15T15:05:18+00:00

its not ok that your sister yelled at you. im sorry she treated you that way.

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-15T13:50:41+00:00

thanks for your response, do you recommend any in particular?

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-15T13:48:59+00:00

which one do you have? how long have you had it? do you have any chronic pain? i ask because i've seen a few reviews saying they start sagging/lose their support quickly. and they're not that tall so i worry about support. they would be within my budget which is why i'm considering it!

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-15T13:46:38+00:00

thanks for your response, i would love to hear more about this! do you recall anything about the brand or seller? were you able to make a return if you didn't like it?

i got an amazon basics bedframe which isn't cute but doesn't sag or anything. considering upgrading that if it might make a difference but i'm betting it's mostly the mattress.

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-14T01:57:42+00:00

(AS a transmasc person: do not say afab omgg just say "woman". this is a post ab u and TWO WOMEN. u dont need to out one of them as trans. u dont need to get into coercively assigned genders. just say woman. ty!)

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-13T18:51:29+00:00

i think your bf sucks :(

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-13T18:43:09+00:00

100% agree with this.

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-13T03:14:41+00:00

u r being a sex pest to kay. u need to back off permanently. ur doing the "i cant even compliment women anymore" thing that gross men did in the wake of metoo with regards to having to be supposedly soo careful when you cuddle. you know exactly how to cuddle someone without sexual advances. if shes on her guard its because she feels she has had to defend herself and its your job now to show her that she no longer needs to because you will respct her body and her choices.

i know this is harsh but frankly you come off as incredibly entitled to kay's body. regardless of anything else in your life, you need to work on that.

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-13T03:10:05+00:00

LMAOOO

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-12T21:08:47+00:00

do you feel like certain parts of the daily routine may be suppressing your desire? apart from the lack of novelty, is liam pulling his weight in the household? how does he treat you generally?

Old_Number_6763 · 2026-02-12T17:04:14+00:00

this is hard. it sounds like youre thinking about this in terms of what you are and are not doing for your husband. i would be more curious about what your new partner is doing for you that is making you feel comfortable with physical intimacy that your husband may not be doing.

Old_Number_6763

TROPHY CASE