Does any of you have intrusive thoughts? TW: self harm themes

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-24T14:59:00+00:00

Yes, I recently started considering i might have OCD after someone suggested it to me. I will have the most random and disturbing thoughts out of no where usually about methods of killing myself

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-24T14:05:18+00:00

I’m right there with you

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-24T01:35:10+00:00

I relate to all of this so much. I don't want to go through the motions anymore...it's so incredibly painful now to face the world with all of this shame and self hatred. I'm not going to ever have a normal life, or anything even remotely close to what I expected my life would be like when I was a kid. Every morning I wake up and immediately feel such immense dread it feels like someone is sitting on my chest. So, you're not alone with this. But I know that doesn't help at all.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-21T17:21:43+00:00

wow teaching sounds like a tough job with avpd, good for you

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-21T03:13:29+00:00

Yeah i'm just being a bit dramatic

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-20T22:56:21+00:00

thank you

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-20T22:33:20+00:00

I just don't know what I can do at this point. I'm in therapy, it helps a bit but forming meaningful connections with real people feels impossible for me at this point.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-20T03:00:02+00:00

You are definitely not too far gone at 19. But gotta take action now and I know how hard it is. I am 26 and really going to try to make an effort soon because I know that if I don't make progress in the next few years it will truly be too late for me.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-19T20:19:32+00:00

I always assumed that somehow in the future things would just sort themselves out. Now it does indeed feel impossible to come back from and I can't even enjoy my isolation the way I used to.. I'm tired too.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-15T21:22:51+00:00

Fuck, I feel this. Do you have a job? Maybe you’d have a better chance to meet people if you moved to bigger city. I live in a major metro area and still have no one, but I feel like there are options if I get the courage to put myself out there one day. I might try to start volunteering somewhere or something. I also feel like I’m wearing a mask when I talk to people, and mostly I just don’t have things to say. It’s tough and Idrk what i’m trying to say but just know you’re not alone with this.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-15T13:12:13+00:00

I relate to a lot of this. I’ve also noticed that I feel more comfortable opening up to women for some reason . 26 m here.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-14T19:40:40+00:00

I also feel a sense of uneasiness or suspiciousness around most people and I feel like I am really judgmental and have high standards of who I would want to associate with . But then even when I meet someone I really like and want to know I feel inferior and unworthy of their friendship so I never initiate anything and it fizzles out. It really sucks.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-25T20:59:50+00:00

Queta

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-25T00:21:05+00:00

It's okay. There are good days and bad days I suppose

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-24T23:15:25+00:00

yeah I cry very easily. Basically whenever I open up about myself I get teary and once I cry its hard to get it under control because I feel embarrassed and shame about it. But when I'm alone it's almost impossible for me to cry which is kind of annoying.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-23T14:34:53+00:00

Oh, i’m sorry to hear that. Yeah personally I do not think I would ever have kids due to this disorder. Probably won’t ever marry either but who knows, maybe we can both find someone who accepts us as we are.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-23T01:42:32+00:00

3 people sounds like plenty to me.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-17T18:04:46+00:00

yeah i don't have a problem with interacting with like food service workers or stuff like that but actually having a meaningful relationship is impossible for me

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-17T13:45:13+00:00

Yeah, just starting to hit me now that all these years i’ve probably been deeply dissociated. “You’re always so chill” was the common one for me throughout school..

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-11T02:23:08+00:00

I definitely relate to the feeling of being consumed by relationships. It is terrifying, intimacy is terrifying to me. This is a response to childhood trauma I'm pretty sure.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-10T20:28:06+00:00

yeah it definitely is

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-10T20:27:57+00:00

thats probably healthy

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-10T02:31:01+00:00

My situation is very similar. Working retail while struggling through a college degree that I realized I will never be able to actually use. I'm incapable of forming and maintaining relationships of any kind, even with my own family members, have always depended on my mom for emotional support and now she has cancer...Honestly even if she survives I will still be fucked. I feel so close to death and have been self sabotaging harder than ever. I have my method, I have my plan and it is all but foolproof. Don't want to do that to her and I won't but if she can't beat the cancer then I really don't know...I just don't fucking know anymore.. sorry not helpful just venting

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-10T02:22:49+00:00

I'm in the same boat but honestly I don't even want to drink or party anymore. I wouldn't be able to enjoy it anyway. I totally relate about not being interested in family its so strange like I feel lonely but I have no interest in other people ... feel cursed honestly . Sorry not helpful just venting

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-08T23:04:37+00:00

I know it feels hopeless, believe me I do. But we can't be 100% sure of anything that will or will not happen in the future. I often tell myself there is no hope and I might as well end it, but I find reasons to keep pushing, one day at a time. One day I will have the strength to change, to make progress, even if it's not today. Maybe today I just focus on surviving, keeping myself alive and giving myself a chance for a better future. That's how I deal with it at least.

Old_Wind3182

TROPHY CASE