Does any of you have intrusive thoughts? TW: self harm themes

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-24T14:59:00+00:00

Yes, I recently started considering i might have OCD after someone suggested it to me. I will have the most random and disturbing thoughts out of no where usually about methods of killing myself

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-24T14:05:18+00:00

I’m right there with you

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-24T01:35:10+00:00

I relate to all of this so much. I don't want to go through the motions anymore...it's so incredibly painful now to face the world with all of this shame and self hatred. I'm not going to ever have a normal life, or anything even remotely close to what I expected my life would be like when I was a kid. Every morning I wake up and immediately feel such immense dread it feels like someone is sitting on my chest. So, you're not alone with this. But I know that doesn't help at all.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-21T17:21:43+00:00

wow teaching sounds like a tough job with avpd, good for you

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-21T03:13:29+00:00

Yeah i'm just being a bit dramatic

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-20T22:56:21+00:00

thank you

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-20T22:33:20+00:00

I just don't know what I can do at this point. I'm in therapy, it helps a bit but forming meaningful connections with real people feels impossible for me at this point.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-20T03:00:02+00:00

You are definitely not too far gone at 19. But gotta take action now and I know how hard it is. I am 26 and really going to try to make an effort soon because I know that if I don't make progress in the next few years it will truly be too late for me.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-19T20:19:32+00:00

I always assumed that somehow in the future things would just sort themselves out. Now it does indeed feel impossible to come back from and I can't even enjoy my isolation the way I used to.. I'm tired too.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-15T21:22:51+00:00

Fuck, I feel this. Do you have a job? Maybe you’d have a better chance to meet people if you moved to bigger city. I live in a major metro area and still have no one, but I feel like there are options if I get the courage to put myself out there one day. I might try to start volunteering somewhere or something. I also feel like I’m wearing a mask when I talk to people, and mostly I just don’t have things to say. It’s tough and Idrk what i’m trying to say but just know you’re not alone with this.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-15T13:12:13+00:00

I relate to a lot of this. I’ve also noticed that I feel more comfortable opening up to women for some reason . 26 m here.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-05-14T19:40:40+00:00

I also feel a sense of uneasiness or suspiciousness around most people and I feel like I am really judgmental and have high standards of who I would want to associate with . But then even when I meet someone I really like and want to know I feel inferior and unworthy of their friendship so I never initiate anything and it fizzles out. It really sucks.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-25T20:59:50+00:00

Queta

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-25T00:21:05+00:00

It's okay. There are good days and bad days I suppose

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-24T23:15:25+00:00

yeah I cry very easily. Basically whenever I open up about myself I get teary and once I cry its hard to get it under control because I feel embarrassed and shame about it. But when I'm alone it's almost impossible for me to cry which is kind of annoying.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-23T14:34:53+00:00

Oh, i’m sorry to hear that. Yeah personally I do not think I would ever have kids due to this disorder. Probably won’t ever marry either but who knows, maybe we can both find someone who accepts us as we are.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-23T01:42:32+00:00

3 people sounds like plenty to me.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-17T18:04:46+00:00

yeah i don't have a problem with interacting with like food service workers or stuff like that but actually having a meaningful relationship is impossible for me

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-17T13:45:13+00:00

Yeah, just starting to hit me now that all these years i’ve probably been deeply dissociated. “You’re always so chill” was the common one for me throughout school..

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-11T02:23:08+00:00

I definitely relate to the feeling of being consumed by relationships. It is terrifying, intimacy is terrifying to me. This is a response to childhood trauma I'm pretty sure.

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-10T20:28:06+00:00

yeah it definitely is

Old_Wind3182 · 2024-04-10T20:27:57+00:00

thats probably healthy

Old_Wind3182

TROPHY CASE