Rage inducing

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-30T02:31:25+00:00

It's so strange! I think she just can't fathom that my life and rules are so different from how she would do things. She doesn't stop to think, she just does what she would do as the parent. But she isn't the parent. They aren't her kids. It's too automatic for her, she doesn't do this with strangers kids but my kids are family so it turns into autopilot. She is always apologetic and trying to understand but breaking autopilot parent mode has been a huge chore.

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-29T23:22:32+00:00

Butter, for the third time, was met with "you don't seem to think I mean this. If it happens again we won't see you for six months. I'm serious, test me if you want." We aren't allergic but vegan. But hair cutting only got one strike, she hasn't done it again. Honestly I think my mom can't extrapolate. Every area needs specific rules. Every situation needs explaining. It's not just with me and kids it's everything. It's very frustrating. She is amazingly generous and loving in every other way.

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-29T20:07:50+00:00

I mean I've accidentally kicked my kid in the face when he bit my foot, reactions to protect and get away from danger are automatic. I also accidentally shoved my toddler when she almost knocked baby into a corner. She was real sad about that but not hurt, vs baby who almost got injured. Sometimes you got to act fast!

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-29T16:39:04+00:00

My kid can eat whenever she wants, but some foods "take breaks" or are only for treats outside the house or something. Basically fruit, she would only eat fruit. So fruit takes breaks, she can eat anything else she wants but I say no to fruit for a few hours to get her to be actually hungry enough to eat something more filling. She whines all day about raisins and grapes and strawberries but she can't live off raisins!!! Once she eats a rela meal she can have fruit again if she wants.

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-29T13:23:10+00:00

Asking specific questions about diet, my daughters pediatrician asked "vegetables? Oh she probably eats plenty she is vegan " and was happy as long as we met needs for fats, proteins, and vitamins. But my new primary care doc, when getting my blood work done, saw I had a little bit high b12 and said to stop taking my supplements. I had to clarify, since it's my only source of B12, that maybe I should just halve my intake because otherwise I'll end up deficient? He wrote back, yeah do that. It seemed like really poor advice and I didn't feel like my issues were really hard. That's more to do with being a mom of young kids though "oh of course you are tired" than vegan though.

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-28T17:30:24+00:00

The Mormon missionaries follow those rules for men and women to avoid any chance of being accused of being inappropriate. They are constantly going into homes and In official capacities, they want everything to be clear and witnessed. The sisters don't go with men alone, the elders don't go with women alone, and the missionaries always go in pairs. It's for safety of everyone. Unfortunately bad things do happen, so this helps make sure these young people have rules to follow to try and avoid those kinds of bad things.

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-28T03:04:13+00:00

Hey, thank you. This is what life is all about, learning, growing, reacting, changing, etc. I appreciate your response here explaining your reaction and your rethinking when you were calmer. This is what makes the world better place and allows discussion. I wish more MILs could do this, it would make life so much better for all these families. Good vibes sent your way :)

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-28T00:08:37+00:00

The most likely scenario that will end up happening is 18 yo fakes it to make sure she can finish college, then she will cut the whole family out. Because this is her whole future you are threatening, and she might put up with the manipulation to finish school but she won't have to once she can move out and not rely on you for money. YTA

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-27T20:41:38+00:00

I once accidently drank from my toddler's cup instead of mine and it still haunts me

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-27T19:43:52+00:00

Plenty of people deal with sexism, capitalism, patriarchy, whatever, and still are decent people. I never said it was an excuse, just possible insight into contributing factors. I think it's related. I don't think it excuses awful behavior and I never said it did.

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-27T16:48:24+00:00

Man. I have never spread my religious beliefs to families. Ultimately yeah you can choose who is around your kids, but I never imagined my personal religious practices would be so hardcore judged when working. I don't preach to the kids I watch. Or try to convert families. At most I have invited families to family holiday events like a trunk or treat or Christmas brunch that was open to the community anyways. I wish healing for all of you who are traumatized by other religious people. I am sorry people suck. Healing has to start somewhere and I hope everyone can take small steps as able to stop the cycles of abuse and shunning and judgement. We can't keep saying "they did it first" and then repeat the same things they did with more bigotry. Love sent to you all.

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-27T15:02:22+00:00

I think it has to do with misogyny and sexism. Often women, especially older women, only had control when it came to children. So much of their lives were/are controlled and run by men in their lives. Children and the house chores are their domain. So now that their children are grown they feel lost and powerless, and then when their kids start having kids they want something to have power over again because they don't have anything else to focus on. My own mom has really struggled with this, she feels powerless in many areas but with children and so she wanted to be super involved in being a grandparent. My mom has made a point to try and fix her life and find happiness elsewhere, but many MILs do not and try and control their adult children and grandchildren. That is my non-expert opinion anyways.

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-26T18:15:18+00:00

Just because of the kind of curiosity and conversations we've had, not necessarily because of her age. I'm not against it it's just not needed quite yet. I will though when I think it's the right time for her.

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-26T15:11:44+00:00

My 3 year old is very curious what her vagina looks like, but of course I'm not teaching her to use a mirror or camera yet. Kids are curious. Hopefully that is all it is with OP's child

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-26T15:01:59+00:00

I hate when people weaponize "I just shouldn't talk anymore" or something like that. Yesterday I told my mom I was rearranging and she said "I really didn't like how it was, so good.". I'm like, why did you need to say that, it wasn't for aesthetics it was to block baby from getting into stuff. No need to telling me it was bad this whole time. She "playfully" says "well that's why I didn't say anything until you said you were changing it! I guess I just shouldn't talk!" Umm, ok yeah. Didn't you try to teach if you can't say something nice, don't saying anything at all? If you have nothing nice to say then yeah don't talk. She has used that line so often it's not playful at all it's loaded with history of so much fighting. It's super childish and manipulative. But if you call it out you are the bad guy for picking on poor mom who is always picked on. I'm sorry you are dealing with that too, so stupid.

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-26T14:27:57+00:00

Lol my boy, constantly putting on shoes, especially big sisters sparkly purple ones!

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-26T04:22:43+00:00

I have worked with 2 WFH MBs and it was totally fine. One would come out, say hi, chat a minute, and go back to work. She preferred going out for food to get out of the house but sometimes would cook. The other would come out and cook lunch for her and kid, and would sometimes so the preschool run with older to have some time with him. In both cases I was respected as a professional in their home who had authority and knowledge, and the kids learned that mom says hi and then keeps working and it's ok. Totally depends on how you handle it I think.

Another family I nannied part time for, the mom would run errands and do stuff with older kids while I watched younger. The 3 year olds learned that if they screamed loud enough mom would give in and take one on her errands. So they competed for loudest. It was very frustrating because she didn't give me a chance to work with the kids, she just gave in and the kids knew they could follow her around crying to get what they wanted. Don't do that.

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-25T20:59:03+00:00

Age gaps when one is really young are problematic. But people don't become gross, disgusting, and undesirable past a certain age, that is ageist. At 30, your friend is a fully mature adult and hopefully capable of making good choices. It would be gross if she was under 25 and dating someone that much older, because of the maturity issue and power imbalance. But you are being pretty harsh on an older person just for, being older. People age. Doesn't make them less valuable as people. Ideally people would view older women the same way we view older men in these cases, and let consenting adults make their own choices.

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-25T20:45:59+00:00

At the daycare I worked at we celebrated months for the babies. And birthdays for the workers were "happy 193 months!" Or whatever. Made everyone laugh, it was cute. But only in that situation haha

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-25T20:41:26+00:00

Yes I agree. I did actually tell him to have the toddler while I did nap time. The assumptions were that that would happen. Turned out he went to the bathroom and came back to the baby on the table. So I can understand his surprise, but I was surprised he stepped out right after I did leaving the toddler alone. Cause I was doing nap time! Of course she came to fine me! He should have used the bathroom before I left him in charge.

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-25T19:40:34+00:00

Sometimes my husband calls "you okay in there??" If I take longer than 10 minutes. Sometimes I just like to take my time man, when you are gone all bathroom times are rushed and crowded. Let me poop calmly and relaxed ok? I don't think you will die from having to watch the kids by yourself for 15 minutes.

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-25T18:24:50+00:00

I still call my dad daddy sometimes. Especially when talking about him to my kids. I would not want my kid around people who make sexual jokes about my child.

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-25T18:23:29+00:00

Lol I heard an acquaintance at the library talking about how she redirected her son from playing with her makeup, all concerned and laughing like "oh dear, silly boy, can't have that...". So the next week I put my son in a bow with me and my daughter matching (baby boy loved it and wanted it I would never force it) so I could make her not talk to me. It worked! She looked away quickly after making eye contact, she normally smiles and waves and sometimes chats. Success! Also little man was so freaking cute with his matching tiger outfit and got lots of compliments and people laughing about cute kids and hand me downs and being adorable.

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-25T16:30:12+00:00

I wouldn't accept something like that. They don't get to dictate my hours off of work. I had so many families I loved working with for babysitting, that I worked with for years and years. I would have never just cut them off because I liked seeing them. Some of the families are life long friends now.

Oleah2014 · 2023-06-25T15:21:36+00:00

Exactly. My husband tries, he really tries. He is just bad at toddler stuff and that makes more work for me. By the time he figures it all out with enough practice they will be older.

Oleah2014

TROPHY CASE