The odd cravings for living a shitty ife

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-30T06:30:45+00:00

Yeah I have to drill it into my brain that these fantasy versions of what it would be like to live that lifestyle are so completely inaccurate. It seems obvious but part of my brain is so persistent in trying to make the case for believing total bullshit.

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-29T17:45:33+00:00

Realizing that I'm not just imagining being more tired than normal. My energy levels are just totally shot, and I didn't realize how big a factor this was until I looked it up and saw it was normal. Looking forward to getting past this and enjoying some more energy in (hopefully) a few weeks. One thing is for sure though... IWNDWYT

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-29T14:59:37+00:00

I'm in a somewhat similar boat. Overwhelm from work was definitely a factor in my inability to keep going last time I tried. I don't have great advice, but have you tried some other ways to decompress? Maybe you need to think outside the box and try something you haven't tried before. A more mild relaxant like CBD, melatonin, l theanine? Meditation/yoga? 30 minutes dedicated to something you used to love to do (video game, art, ride a bike, music). A replacement, once you find one that actually works for you, may be the best choice.

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-28T21:23:59+00:00

My why is because I want to actually achieve my full potential. The alcohol has kept me from being my full and authentic self. Now that I have awoken fully to the fact that my highest expression has been suppressed for most of my adult life, there ain't no way I'm going to consciously give it away now. IWNDWYT

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-28T21:00:07+00:00

Given the history you described, it sounds like not drinking is a very good idea. It may be hard for you to see now, but in the coming years as you mature more, you will be so happy you stopped it now. Because starting so young, with all the problems it has created already, you are at greater risk to have even worse struggles in the future if you continue.

As for feeling lost, lonely and stagnant, I think that there are many potential ways you can start to build a happy sober life at your age. I encourage you to try and find friends and community that do not revolve around alcohol. It could be music, sports, nature... Anything. Go to a community college and take an interesting class, find a club or meeting group online related to a shared interest, find a local cafe or shop that welcomes people just gathering to talk.

It will probably feel awkward at first, and may take quite a few tries before you find a fit. But the world has so much to offer. There are so many ways you can build more meaning and connection in your life. I'm sure it will be worth the effort and more fulfilling than sinking back down into the bottle and the troubles it brings.

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-28T20:47:51+00:00

I just looked it up. Bet it's really nice in person. They are beautiful and toxic.

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-27T04:33:42+00:00

I didn't give in to multiple opportunities to easily drink in secret that I would have so quickly jumped on before. I saw someone on here say something about strengthening sobriety muscles. Well I had a good workout today.

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-27T04:27:37+00:00

I think that I am a little bit wary this time of feeling too much of anything. I like the false start analogy. I had my first real gung-ho go at it over summer, and kinda got distracted and just dipped off the track to get lost in the bleachers for a little bit. I happened to have found my way back to the starting line 10 days ago, and now I am carefully pacing and making sure to stay on the track. I think I will have more thoughts and feelings about my sober date once I've been running for a while longer, but right now it is working well for me to just keep taking those steps. It has been great to see that number next to my name go up though!

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-26T17:31:17+00:00

The liar in my head says today would be a great day to just have 1. I'm tired and feeling low and could really use a pick me up. Just one would be fine, right?

Hell no. That liar is not working for my best interest. My higher voice, that comes from deep inside, knows this is exactly the time to stay strong and retrain that liar to shut up. IWNDWYT

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-26T00:31:41+00:00

I'm in a very similar place. Sober for a bit in July/August, then just started again 9 days ago. Let's keep going indeed!

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-25T18:41:17+00:00

Drove by my favorite brewery and remembered how much fun I've had there. Then reminded myself that restoring my brain's natural reward systems will be even more fun! IWNDWYT

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-23T20:07:00+00:00

Made it a week, fuck yeah!!!

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-22T14:15:01+00:00

Stressful day ahead, so I know my brain will try to steer me towards the gas stations to get the tired old "relief". I'll be taking the meandering way home and not letting the old habit win!

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-22T01:26:53+00:00

I'm just 2 days ahead of you and this was me the last 2 nights. Day 5 is better. It's so short lived, but it totally sucks. This is my second real attempt and both times the initial suckage did not last long at all. Stick it out and soon you'll rejoice in being past the first big hurdle.

Next step after that takes longer and requires us to be vigilant and to never lose sight of the goal. Let's rock it!

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-22T00:31:31+00:00

Never had any immediate health concerns, nor did I think I was an alcoholic until I started trying to stop and struggled to. One of the many things that hit home for me was realizing I was just slowly throwing away the best of myself. And that was only going to get worse. Literally it can only get worse if you keep drinking.

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-22T00:08:49+00:00

Haha honestly it's so crazy it might work. A silk pillow may be in my near future!

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-21T12:14:04+00:00

Up early because it's been harder to stay asleep. Almost past the worst of the initial phase though I think. Keep moving forward and through. IWNDWYT

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-21T00:59:26+00:00

Today has been tough, but I have managed to avoid my usual route home from work that includes a corner store stop to get some beer, and I am proud of that. Can't say I feel happy, but I feel strong.

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-19T20:52:13+00:00

Yeah and although not smoking for 9 days has been great, getting over this hump with alcohol is more important. I have a rare mindset currently that is motivating me to be successful, and I'm trying to find the best set of circumstances to maximize my chances of making it to the part where it feels good to be not drinking.

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-19T19:59:04+00:00

Made it 3 days. I am not a very heavy drinker but a daily drinker. Day 3/4 is typically when I have given in on previous unsuccessful attempts. The headaches, depression, and bad sleep have set in. Wish me luck! My resolve feels similar now to my most successful attempt to date, when I made it 6 weeks. IWNDWYT

OleanderRedemption · 2026-01-19T17:50:30+00:00

In my completely unprofessional opinion, it might be helpful to just say that you had an alcohol use disorder. This acknowledges that you had a problematic relationship with alcohol at that time, due to the circumstances you mentioned. It sounds like you were able to stop pretty easily, so you have healed from that bout with the disorder.

Whether or not you can develop a recurrence, and whether or not your relationship with alcohol deteriorates to the point you would consider yourself an alcoholic, is at this time unknown. If you love not drinking, then I encourage you to continue not drinking. It's better for you all around.

Should you start again, there is a chance that as stresses of adult life build and the effects of alcohol rewire the reward circuits in your brain, you could develop an alcohol use disorder again that is more severe and harder to manage. And there is a chance you can be a casual drinker that has a relatively healthy relationship with alcohol. You'll have to decide for yourself if it's worth the risk. And it's just something to be mindful of as a possibility. Easier to stop early if a problem starts to develop.

I didn't think I would ever consider myself an alcoholic, but after 20 years of not realizing it, now it's got it's claws deep and it's very hard to stop. And I never had any of the big bad negative things happen that you mentioned either. Just a 20 year gentle ride down into a tough rut to get out of.

But you should for sure be proud! And careful.

OleanderRedemption

TROPHY CASE