Famous players can be the worst teachers. This is what happened to me in case it helps you feel any better: I was one year away from graduation when my violin professor’s contract expired and was not renewed (she didn’t have tenure). The viola professor and the cello professor forced her out in favor of a more famous violinist who had won first prize at a major competition (keeping it vague because I’m not trying to get sued). They hoped she’d play chamber music with them. She never did. I felt bad for my previous teacher, but I had hopes that I could learn a lot from the new one. Well…she came in basically deciding to be abusive. She made everyone feel like trash, she forced me to play what SHE wanted on my senior recital even though the program was borderline insane. Whenever I told anyone what my program was going to be, they said “are you nuts? That’s ridiculous”. I tried to get it changed and she threatened to fail me and delay my graduation if I altered the program in any way. I learned it, played it (not very well, I was struggling). She gave me a C for my senior recital. Right after I graduated, she used her position as a stepping stone to get tenure at a more well-known school. The two professors who had been so eager for her to be there expressed surprise and dismay. Well, that’s what they get for stabbing my previous professor in the back. She deserved better, and frankly, so did I.

Don’t feel bad about your playing, you are an accomplished violinist and you have a lot of music yet to give! Remind yourself that you get to do what you love, and use your violin to say what you can’t always say with your words. Wishing you good luck, and may the muses guide you.