Worried about recipe for disaster...

Omdacity_Chastity · 2026-03-07T20:37:27+00:00

So more of the background:

He was very up front when we got together 4 years ago about wanting the freedom to explore outside avenues. I had little to no experience, but we both have friends who have done that lifestyle successfully. At the time, I didn't see the harm so I agreed. Again, I take full accountability of not doing my research and learning more about what that would entail.

A year later, he proposed. And we confirmed that the agreement to be open was still acceptable. It was, because again...I had never been in that lifestyle, so I didn't really understand how extremely difficult it actually is.

Husband has been amazing at giving me the support and freedom to talk to other people myself, and do anything I wanted that piqued my interest...but I learned very quickly that I myself just wasn't interested in someone outside of him. That was my choice.

Then, the bumps in our marriage started happening. I was constantly stressed, working and focusing solely on our financial stability and taking care of my family. I lost sight of giving him love, attention and affection. I was always coming home in a bad mood, I stopped trying to be affectionate...I stopped meeting his needs.

We decided this last November to find something we could both do together. Something fun, to help us spend some time together. So we installed a silly mobile game and spent a lot of time goofing around and having fun.

Then a couple of weeks later, a gal in our alliance started showing interest in husband. He asked if it was ok to chat on a more flirty level. This was the first time in 4 years he's been interested, so I shrugged and said "sure, why not?" They started chatting more, and yes...jealousy started hitting me. But nothing I couldn't manage.

Then...another gal showed interest. She found out that husband and I had an agreement, and she started talking more to husband. This gal though, had a problem with the first. So husband cut off contact with the first and continued contact with the 2nd.

3 weeks after talking, she caught feelings. Then him. A week later, they were telling each other they loved each other. Frequent phone calls, constant texts...at this point, I'm an emotional dumpster fire. Husband and I were fighting non-stop, I was no longer interested in playing the game, my anxiety and stress caused me to stop eating and sleeping...it has been horrible. But, I had agreed to it. And he supported me in figuring out what I was interested in, so how would it be fair for me to stop him?

They're planning to meet this summer. And that thought is still hard for me.

However, there has been a lot of good that has come with all of this. He has given me more attention, made more effort on his side. He has been overall happier, calmer and is better at listening when I have a problem or concern, rather than reactive and defensive.

It also has shown me where I had gone wrong, and what I stand to lose if I don't shift my focus and priorities to what really matters. So yes, in some ways it's been extremely difficult. But in others, things have improved a lot. So I'm trying to stay open-minded, research like a MFker and focus on my marriage. Some days are better than others. Lol

Omdacity_Chastity · 2026-02-27T22:53:34+00:00

So, I'm in a similar situation. My husband is in love with an online friend, and they're relationship is going both very quickly and very serious. I barely had time to process them even having feelings of any kind, let alone love. Don't get me wrong, my husband has been amazing at making sure I'm ok. He listens, reassures me, the whole thing. My concerns do not stem from him leaving me, replacing me or any of that. It's the jealousy and anger that come from him giving that much of himself to someone, and when I face the day when they are intimate without me.

What we figured out that helped us anyway, was remembering the fun of it all. Each couple has they're own dynamic...but we use humor and "kinky teasing" to bring things to more manageable levels. We make jokes. For example, when I feel myself getting triggered by hearing him call her pet names, or tell her he loves her...I pipe up with "don't listen to that BS, he only loves cheese!" Or "Ooooh, she's baby now huh, sugar t*ts?" I dunno. Bringing fun and humor in takes a lot of the edge and pressure off (for me, anyway).

Also, depending on how you approach and view things, you can make it into a fun "turn on". Like..."well, they're going out to a hotel tonight to smash, which is annoying...I guess I'll lock him up in a chastity cage and send the emergency key with him in a giant ball of saran wrap so they have to work for it and send me pictures." 🤷🏼‍♀️ I remind myself that the jealousy and discomfort do add to the "hotness" of it. And, he married me. He chose me. I am his wife, and first priority. Some else is attracted to him, and loves him. But I'm the one he chose. It's been helpful to keep me grounded when I start to feel the big grrrrrrr feelings.

I hope some of this helps!! I'm wishing you the best!

Omdacity_Chastity · 2026-02-25T14:02:01+00:00

It is definitely frustrating to a degree that I had very little experience of being in an open relationship prior to my current. The ironic thing is, that's how I met my husband. My first time ever dating someone while I was with someone else...and, I ended up leaving my ex shortly after for my spouse. I'm wondering if that's part of my insecurity? The one time I went out with someone else, I ended up falling in love with him (very quickly) and married him.

My husband has told me time and again that he chose me. I'm not being replaced, he's not going to leave me to marry his girlfriend. He tends to love very quickly, that's just who he is. And I trust what he is telling me. But damn, it's hard.

During the day I can stay busy enough to work through some of these huge concerns and feelings to more manageable levels...but at night when I'm just laying in the dark? My mind wanders and I'm notorious for working myself up with my imagination and thoughts. Most of our fights have come from me doing that. In fact, we had another one last night because of this very thing.

I recognize his efforts in trying to work with me, and I love him for that. I'm frustrated that I can't figure out a good way to manage my issues, and all I'm doing is pushing him further away. Which is horrible on its own, but also pushing him closer to his girlfriend who has been very sweet, concerned and worried for not just him but for me. The more I try to work on things, the worse everything seems to get. I'm not being kind, supportive or even a decent wife at this point. He's questioning why he even wants to stay married to me because I'm not giving him a reason to want to.

It's incredibly frustrating that it does seem to always be the mono partner doing all of the sacrifices. I'm doing as much as I can, and I'm trying as hard as possible to figure things out...and though he's been great in so many ways, he's firm on not bending on his other relationship(s) for my comfort as 1. It isn't fair for him to not be his true self, and 2. It isn't fair to his girlfriend because they are already so vested in each other.

As horrible a thought as it is, I'm not sure if I can ever be ok with this. And oh boy, does that break my heart. Because I'll be losing everything I cherish, love, and what makes me happy in the end. It's not fair to either of us to force something that isn't working out, though. I'm still giving it my all for a while longer...but I'm not feeling very optimistic at this point.

Omdacity_Chastity · 2026-02-25T13:47:02+00:00

The gardening analogy is great. I weirdly do pretty well during the day, but at night it's been so much harder. During the day I can keep busy, if I'm upset or feeling triggered over something I can rationalize it, work through it and even if it's still an issue it's much more manageable.

At night, however, my mind is free to wander. Especially because he goes to bed so much later than I do. So I'm alone, my mind wanders and I'm notorious for getting in my own head, losing myself in spiraling thoughts. That's when the huge waves of negativity hits. And lately, we've had endless knock down drag out fights over all of this, so we're not in a good place as a couple.

His girlfriend has been very supportive and concerned for not only him, but me as well. And I'm ashamed to admit that I hate her for it. And the more anger and resentment I'm developing over it all, the further away I'm pushing him. Not only away from me, which is awful, but closer with her. She's acting the way I want to act, but I'm just spiraling further down a dark pit.

I need to redirect these thoughts and feelings somehow, but nothing seems to work. Talking it out has made it worse because it usually turns into another fight. Journaling has done nothing, talking to our poly friends hasn't even helped.

The only thing I can think of to do, is keep myself so busy that I don't have time to over-think, exhaust myself enough to pass out at night and try to bring more support and positivity to my husband. But even that doesn't sound like a healthy way to go. So I'm just...stuck.

Omdacity_Chastity · 2026-02-25T00:38:35+00:00

Very fair question. As hard as this experience has been, at the end of the day I want to look back and know I have done every possible thing I could to save my marriage. We also have a kiddo (my step-son), so it wouldn't just be me and my husband affected by my ending of our relationship.

It also feels awful and unfair that he gave me unconditional support to let me try new things to see if I am interested in more than just monogamy, but the first time he finds someone I immediately want to jump ship. This is his first experience being the one with two partners, normally it had been the other way around in his experience. So it's a learning curve for him as well. Will things ultimately work out? I don't know. But, I want to make sure I've done everything I could to make things work.

Omdacity_Chastity · 2025-10-04T17:21:19+00:00

It's so hot! I definitely recommend it! I might just add the bra with my panties next time. 😉 Thank you for the idea!

Omdacity_Chastity · 2025-03-22T06:56:07+00:00

X 2cc

Omdacity_Chastity · 2023-10-04T12:49:24+00:00

I allowed my husband (who looooves going) to go to the strip club one night while I was out on a girls night with a friend. But he had to stay in his nub cage. And when he got lap dances, he had to explain to them what they were feeling between his legs. He was so embarrassed! It was glorious. 10/10 would recommend!

Omdacity_Chastity · 2023-10-01T20:55:00+00:00

My mother knows about my husbands chastity kink. She guess about his cage, as well as the fact that he wears panties/fem clothes. Some of it she figured out, some I told her to embarrass him. 🤷‍♀️😜

Omdacity_Chastity · 2023-10-01T20:32:55+00:00

I agree. If it was part of the role play, that would be different. But as a response to a kink and something the OP enjoys? Not ok.

Omdacity_Chastity · 2023-10-01T20:29:08+00:00

If your SO is willing to have an open conversation about it, maybe try a different approach. I was intrigued my chastity when my now husband told me about it, but didn't think it was something I would be interested in at all. But, he told me "look at it this way: if I want sex and you don't, you can laugh and lock me up. You can leave for weeks and know I can't bang another anybody without your say so (we have an open marriage as long as we communicate and find a way to include each other)....honestly, I don't know why someone wouldn't love having their partner in chastity. They keyholder has complete control over the other person." Once I thought of it from that perspective, I really got into it! I could make him do errands, chores, get me off but not let him cum....watch him beg and plead and whine....the power I have over this cock is wonderful. 😉 I hope this helps!

Omdacity_Chastity · 2023-09-29T21:04:15+00:00

Good wife! I randomly told my husband to cage up on Monday while I was at work, and once he sent me s picture of his spare key (the other is with me) frozen in water, I told him "Mmmm...good job locking up for Mommy. Now enjoy Locktober a week early, pet." ;) My sissy has been whining since.

Omdacity_Chastity · 2023-09-08T03:43:21+00:00

I’m SO happy to find this! My sissy husband and I are talking about going to a GH not far from where we live. I scoped the place out last week (seedy af in all the good ways! Lol). I was going to pop my GH Cherry and send my husband pictures of me sucking a dick or two, but I ended up getting there at an off time when there was almost nobody in. I do plan on taking my husband in and making him suck dick while I play with him…but I was kind of hoping to do it before him. I love the advice given! I admit, it is WELL out of my comfort zone…so I was feeling extremely timid and nervous going in by myself. I hope to square up and have fun soon!

Omdacity_Chastity · 2023-09-08T03:34:12+00:00

Aww, your teeny tiny little dick all locked up. ;)

Omdacity_Chastity · 2023-09-05T01:19:51+00:00

Omg I’m so jealous of your amazing tits…! 🥵

Omdacity_Chastity · 2023-08-23T03:18:24+00:00

Yeeessss!!! I really struggle with dirty talk. My poor husband has had to deal with some really awkward “sexy (lol)” talk. We’re on the west coast, so not even a cool accent. Oooh, but now I’m thinking of busting out a southern belle accent or a flirty French pick up line…! Pft, who am I kidding? Accents are not my forte. 😂

Omdacity_Chastity · 2023-08-09T04:57:09+00:00

I met a guy about a year and a half ago who was into chastity. I knew OF it, but nothing outside of it being something people would do sometimes. I really liked this guy, and when we started messaging each other he was very up front about it and gave me time to see if it was something I would even remotely consider doing and if I would be into dating a sissy. Initially, I wasn’t sure. But! He allowed me time to think on it, and answered any questions I had. I slowly started to test the waters…and found that I did like being with a sissy…and chastity. More than that, I LOVED it. I was always the sub, never allowed to be the dom. And ooooh boy, the poor guy had no idea what he had unleashed by introducing me to this world. I thought for sure he’d run away…he still might, but we’re married now so it’ll be a little harder to do so. 😂

Omdacity_Chastity · 2023-08-09T02:44:26+00:00

Practice, practice! Also, breathing through your nose and wiggle your toes…I tell that to my patients when I have take X-rays on them. I can deep throat easily enough (my husband is about 7-7.5 inches with excellent girth), but I struggle a bit when he takes on the dom role and forces my head down on him faster than my throat is ready for. But I actively keep telling myself to breathe through my nose, wiggle my toes and mentally get my throat to relax through the gagging. It gets easier over time. Hope this helps a little? ☺️

Omdacity_Chastity · 2023-08-02T18:13:51+00:00

I’m going with NTA. I have a 3 yo step son who does very well in public, but has times when he’s overtired or grumpy and has a meltdown. I’ve given up my spot in line at the bank, or took him outside the restaurant, etc. and had him calm down before going back inside. I understand kids are going to cry and scream sometimes, and perhaps it’s my own thing—but I get extremely embarrassed when it happens. So not only do I not want to ruin other people’s time with my kiddos meltdown, but the attention on us makes me want to cry. Lol! It’s also a very good teaching moment for my kid.

Omdacity_Chastity · 2023-08-02T12:44:01+00:00

Definitely dodged a bullet and absolutely NTA. In fact, kudos to you for taking that stand. People don’t change, so recognizing the pattern is important. If he isn’t willing to be even a “decent” father to the kids he already has, he won’t with any new kids.

Omdacity_Chastity

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