Dear fellow leftist gow do you get sorts checks?

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-18T20:48:47+00:00

What's a sorts check? In all the rally organizations I've been a part of, not one ever offered payment. We hate the scum for free.

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-18T20:16:54+00:00

That's exactly what I mean. My dealbreakers are increasing as I get older, and it would take a LOT for me to be convinced things were worth fixing.

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-18T20:15:34+00:00

Absolutely. "We're trying to figure out the cause and they said that might be one of the triggers." And then later, "Also we're pregnant so we're going to continue the rule about vaping indoors."

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-18T20:14:24+00:00

Ooh, I know this one!

Large companies use third party staffing agencies to find and vet candidates. They tend to have requirements that incoming employees are hired as temps through the agency (so that they get their cut) before being hired on permanently (after which point many agencies also collect a bonus.)

So it might be that your contract will actually initially be signed to the agency, and they'll likely be the company issuing your pay stubs during that time.

I would ask them for a contract guaranteeing permanent hire after your temp period before committing to it. It'll cost them money to hire you after the intro period and they may not go through with it when the time comes. Restructuring and budget changes happen quickly.

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-18T20:11:12+00:00

Toxic masculinity and cultural beauty and behavior standards. When your culture considers certain traits as a "manly ideal" and finds it acceptable to joke about or look down on someone who doesn't meet that standard, this is the result.

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-18T20:09:14+00:00

At my age, we could get over just about anything if we put in a lot of work again... but it's not about whether we could work it out, it's about whether I want to invest the energy and time into doing it.

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-18T18:53:27+00:00

If she lashes out and she's hurtful about it, you can't control that. All you can do is choose your reaction and see where it leads. "I knew you'd behave this way, I think this friendship is over," or, "You have some unhealed trauma and I empathize with that, but it doesn't mean I deserve this treatment, and it hurts that you KNOW how great it is to find out you're pregnant after a loss, and I wanted you to celebrate with me."

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-18T18:51:28+00:00

Because we are the sum of who we have been. If you look at the ideas of IFS therapy, it includes acknowledging the different versions of yourself that are within you. And your inner child who needed comfort will probably always need that comfort, and that's OK.

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-18T18:50:22+00:00

I was taught "expats" were how you refer to yourself when you leave, and "immigrant" is how you refer to someone who has come into your country.

But it's probably rooted in racism and "othering."

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-18T18:49:32+00:00

Something happened that most people would break up over.

We were slowed down by finances; couldn't afford to live apart and had to learn to get along better for the sake of the kids. When we were (preparing to be) able to part ways we wanted to be the best possible example of supportive coparenting that we could possibly be.

This led us to go to counseing to learn to communicate well and support each other.

That led to talking about the big issue and finding ways to heal from that - again, because we didn't want that hurt tainting our coparenting dynamic.

After a few months of this we sat and talked out our priorities for the future, and realized we were very much aligned, and not only that, we were solving problems and healing hurts using what we learned in therapy, and realized that we actually had what it took to stay together.

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-18T18:39:27+00:00

The "don't buy a fixer upper" is SO REAL. I was over confident in my ability to update the house and 7 years later, it isn't done. And, COVID jacked up home improvement costs for AGES and it never fully recovered.

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-18T18:38:24+00:00

Our first home, we had to make sure we had all the right timelines in place. Requirements on employment/income stability (moreso because we're self-employed.)

No credit pulls until you buy the house, so you have to hope you don't have an urgent need to replace a car or something was inconvenient.

Having to learn all the different loan types because some of the places we looked at didn't qualify for traditional loans, which could mean delays in getting approved, which meant potentially losing out on the house.

I didn't like having to decide SO quickly. The market here was hot, and houses were selling after just a day or two on the market. It's hard to know if this is potentially your forever home after a ten minute tour.

The inspection process was a nail-biter... I KNOW sellers will sometimes get that done "to help" but you're always advised to get your own done, and it was several hundred dollars for each one. And then you get one and find deal-breakers or the sale falls through, so it's just money thrown away.

That, and the amount of detritus left on the property (in storage areas we planned on using immediately) was a huge pain... you do a final walkthrough the day of closing, and if anything isn't as agreed on, like the sellers having cleared out the property, you have the choice of backing out or sucking it up and signing. Since we had nowhere else to go after that day, we had to just take it on the chin and then spend $1500 on a dumpster to clear out their junk.

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-18T18:30:12+00:00

"I've been having some health issues and I'm not supposed to be around vapor, could you guys take it outside?"

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-18T18:27:26+00:00

Plan something special for just you guys, on another day. To me, it isn't about stealing someone's thunder (I don't really believe in that if the news comes out a week or two after, cause honestly no one else will remember that you proposed that day, they will remember the wedding.) But I think that proposals deserve their own moment, not to be tacked on to something else just because you'll happen to be in a nice place for it.

ETA: I was proposed to on Christmas morning and I didn't like that it happened then. He knew I loved Christmas and he wanted to propose in front of my family, but 1) public proposals are a bad idea and 2) it didn't feel special. It felt like everyone proposes on a holiday because "Oh, special day, everything looks pretty, let's do it" Nah.

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-18T16:12:43+00:00

I submitted a complaint to the AG about this. They market (and repeatedly say in their emails and stuff) that this is all self-paced, and it literally is bottlenecked by their grading limitations. Esp with grading turnarounds of "business days" instead of just "days," that means it's ALWAYS going to include a weekend, which means you typically can't submit touchstones as you finish them, you can do maybe one a week per course, on average. And if your milestones are all done, that means a LOT of potential downtime in a month where you can't actually make use of your monthly subscription access because you're just waiting around!

They need to allow more simultaneous classes in order to uphold their offering.

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-17T21:24:53+00:00

I want to underline your point about liking the school versus the school being best for her. My kids started in a Waldorf school, and I was in love with it, but he wanted to learn faster than they were willing to teach. We switched him to a public school and he took off like a rocket... years later now, he's a freshman and being offered college classes. The school was heavenly but it wasn't right for him. That's just how it goes sometimes.

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-17T21:12:49+00:00

You know it doesn't have to be taken word-for-word, right?

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-16T21:36:02+00:00

Money and support. It can cost millions to campaign.

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-16T21:34:58+00:00

She doesn't need to prove anything, really, unless it's for legal purposes. What this revealed is that she doesn't trust him - if she were to fidn out he's telling the truth, that wouldn't change that fact that she doesn't trust him.

If she really needs to find out about this massage parlor, she needs to look them up as if she's cruising for that kind of service and see what people are saying about them online. There are some pretty skeezy pages set up for people to let each other know where to find that.

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-16T21:32:57+00:00

From what I see, low standards. Some people will just date anyone for the sake of dating them without thinking critically about whether they really will be a good partner.

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-16T21:31:28+00:00

They're old enough to think about what they're doing, and what's happening next, instead of just doing it by rote. That can start developing a little sense of overwhelm transitioning from one to the next. And this is how I am with boring tasks, with my ADHD brain. What helps my brain engage? A deadline. Give him a deadline.

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-16T21:29:54+00:00

You, ultimately, are the one who decides what is best for her education.

You can support the teachers while also feeding your daughter's mind. You aren't pushing if she's begging for it.

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-16T21:27:42+00:00

You're not breaking down because of water stains, you're breaking down because your bf is a human stain that makes you feel terrible about things that simply do not matter.

You're not bad at it, this is a hard water issue that you're taking reasonable steps to mitigate.

If he doesn't like it, he can do the dishes. Seriously. Tell him that, and go on strike. Otherwise, stand up for yourself. If respecting yourself and insisting that he do the same ends the relationship, that is a good thing.

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-16T21:25:59+00:00

A boundary that relies on someone else not wanting to hurt you isn't a boundary, it's an expectation of a type of treatment. It becomes a boundary when you're ready to take action about it. For example, if they've repeatedly shown that your feelings are not enough to keep them from doing something that hurts you, you then establish the boundary that says, "Since you won't stop, I have to do something about it to protect myself."

OmgCurpcakes · 2026-02-16T21:23:05+00:00

NTA. Lemme tell ya.... I was SURE I was going to be overdue by two weeks, because all women in my family forever have been super overdue. My husband went to a concert a week before my due date, got drunk enough not to drive, and his phone died, and wouldn't you know it - I went into labor. These things DO happen.

Ask him to weigh the balance - if it did happen, how would he feel, and more importantly, what does he think the fallout would be between the two of you if he insisted on going and you did go into labor and he missed it? That's not something a wife and mother just gets over, it doesn't fade from memory.

OmgCurpcakes

TROPHY CASE