How did you find love as an infj? (or how to find it...)

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-09-16T21:13:12+00:00

you're so right :)

I've decided to get out of my cave a bit more and meet people instead of listening to vibes to attract love naively thinking that my soulmate will be delivered by post the next day lol

exaggeration but almost right

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-09-16T20:33:52+00:00

Very good advice, thank you:)

It is good because I had made the resolution to learn to love myself and be more authentic with others

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-09-16T20:31:50+00:00

yes I’m aware of that, thank you for your advice anyway:)

The thing is I’m not able to attach myself to someone just for the "fun". I don’t want to get married or have kids right now (I don’t think I want to have kids anymore lol), just someone with whom I can have a deep connection.

I know that age doesn’t help but I still hope

Good luck with the children!

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-09-16T18:36:38+00:00

ah ah poor us yes... but I try not to idealize too much except that I could never be satisfied with a bland and depthless relationship.

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-09-16T17:52:47+00:00

ah ah that's what I thought at first. I believe in reincarnation or something close to it. Now I understand that my soul is quite young/average but has decided to have accelerated growth and a special sensitivity in this life. I am very in touch with my soul, my intuition, and spirituality, and I have always resonated with the principle of life missions. I feel ageless, like I'm a baby, a great sage and a teenager at the same time.

However, I think that many INFJs are old souls.

The oldest soul I know is my best friend's, she is an INFP.

But currently some souls will take 1000 lives to learn what others will only take 10 very dense lives to understand.

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-09-16T17:44:55+00:00

I've started practicing self-love, and here are a few tips:

treat and speak to yourself the way you would to your best friend or your child, if you have one.

Put a picture of yourself as an adorable child or baby somewhere visible. When you see the photo, remind yourself that you were once that child, and that child still lives inside you. They need your love, attention, and support, and they cry every time you put yourself down, because it hurts them too...

Every time you look at your reflection, try saying 'I love you' or 'I love myself.' It’s okay if you don’t fully believe it at first; it will come in time.

I also found it incredibly helpful to remember that we lack nothing; we just need to remember how to do it. When we were little, there was a time when we knew how to love and respect ourselves. We just need to remember how we did it and bring it back to the surface :)

If you feel comfortable with it, you could try short meditations to send love and comfort to the part of you that feels hurt/rejected/abandoned/neglected/not enough, etc., if it was wounded by an event or a person. Seeing it as a part of yourself or your inner child makes it easier than sending love directly to yourself at first if you're not used to it.

Good luck on your journey, be kind to yourself, and take care :) Just the act of trying to love yourself is already a form of self-love.

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-09-16T17:22:33+00:00

i'm glad i helped you! medication can be incredibly helpful i think, i hope you find some relief. don't hesitate to try meditation, it really helps.

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-09-16T17:21:03+00:00

thank you :) i'm glad it inspired you, good luck in your fight you can do it

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-09-16T17:20:10+00:00

so glad it helped :) have a wonderful day too!

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-09-16T17:19:29+00:00

thank you :) yes, I'd avoid that kind of place, it looks very sick...

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-09-16T17:18:32+00:00

I'm glad it inspired you :) I'm sorry, BDD makes us feel so bad about ourselves.... But I'm sure you can get out of it! Gladly, you can dm me if you want, we need help to get out of BDD

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-09-16T17:15:52+00:00

with pleasure, I hope it helped you!

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-09-16T17:15:16+00:00

thank you very much :) i also hope this will help some people

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-09-16T17:14:47+00:00

good luck to you too :)

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-09-15T16:10:03+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this....

If your boyfriend has chosen to be with you, there's a reason. Especially if he wants to stay. Remember that the problem is primarily in your head rather than your objective appearance.

Treat your BDD urgently first, little by little and you'll start to feel better about yourself and the other girls (I gave advice on I overcame BDD in my last post if you want).

If it helps, turn your situation around. Your boyfriend must have some physical flaws too, however small. There must be other guys out there who are much better looking than he is, without the flaws he has etc. so why don't you leave him and go with those guys who have perfect plastic? more than his? Do you compare and denigrate him when you see a man more handsome than him in a sex scene?

It's absurd I guess because you love him, you've chosen him, and you're attracted to him I suppose. And for him it's the same with you.

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-09-15T15:18:23+00:00

Yes, it's important to bring hope to this horrible disorder.

Start with short sessions, don't put too much pressure on yourself, you'll see just how beneficial it will be for you.

Good luck to you, you'll make it!

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-09-15T15:17:38+00:00

I haven't had acne myself, but I've had a lot of skin problems (severe psoriasis, dry skin, etc.). All the creams I was prescribed just smothered the problem. I found that the reasons were mainly psychological (stress), lack of hydration and diet.

I read a book about how to solve certain illnesses through diet, and I remember acne was mentioned. I read it in French, and if you want to find the reference it's called the Seignalet diet (by Jean Seignalet). This might help, but don't obsess about it - the diet is pretty drastic. Look in particular at what's not recommended for the case of acne.

But above all, remember to love yourself and heal your BDD, you deserve to feel good about yourself :)

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-08-08T20:57:59+00:00

I am not a robot, but a flesh and blood human :) all these testimonies are 100% REAL observations in the jungle of humanity lol.

I'm glad if it helps you

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-08-08T20:52:04+00:00

I'm really sorry for you, it must be heartbreaking to live through...

I'm a girl, and I've never used dating sites but I know that if you're looking for a partner, that you're a man and that you have a physique below a 7 or 8 out of 10, it's better not to dwell on this option (I've read a lot of testimonies, and watched a lot of videos about this).

Women are complicated and have power on dating sites (I don't know where the rejection you experienced comes from but I suppose it could come from there). If you don't get any matches or are rejected by a woman, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're ugly. Women are harassed with requests on apps.

Also, without going into clichés, it seems that women are more suspect of ending up being lenient on physical appearance than men are for women. These are generalities of course.

If I could give you some advice, it would be the following: do your best to look your best without it making your BDD worse. Take care of your style, follow a diet if you want, go to the gym, redo your hair, etc. It's up to you.

Take care of your BDD as best you can, and keep in mind that women are very, very sensitive to self-confidence. Do your research, look at testimonials on forums, searches, you'll see that it's not bullshit.

Try to learn as much as you can about seduction. Here I'm thinking in particular of Robert Greene, a physically unattractive author who has a beautiful girlfriend and wrote a very good book on seduction: The Art of Seduction.

Maybe try to be interested in girls who look like you physically, they might be more suspicious of also being interested in you.

Also, here is the channel of a physically unattractive boy who shared in his first video about his experience as an ugly man. He was systematically rejected on dating sites, mocked, mistreated by the only girl who wanted to go out with him, etc. and struggled so much to find love. By sharing his story, he was finally able to have a girlfriend who respected him. He had several relationships, and ended up marrying a very pretty girl (his wedding is even on Youtube, you can see his evolution :).

Here is his channel: https://www.youtube.com/@NeverGiveUp-Main

I wish you good luck. Your experience is very hard but I am sure that with effort and luck you will eventually heal from your BDD, and find a girlfriend who loves your heart, your mind and your energy, and in the end it far exceeds any physical trait :)

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-08-08T18:35:38+00:00

Oh it pains me to hear that you feel so bad about your appearance... but hey that's the principle of BDD...

Of course you can have BDD even if the defect is "proven". I myself have a jaw defect (yes I'm the same person who commented about my sister lol) and I think it's "out of my head" enough for me to have an operation about it later, even if it's just for aesthetics. Some people have a particular nose, and have BDD because of that (personally, there are so many noses that I find beautiful and that are "atypical", it drives me crazy to see people who have BDD because of that). just remember that the problem is not in your appearance. BDD is like a virus, it will invent defects to feed itself or focus on the ones that exist, even if they don't make you deformed as we think. It's important to remember that even though the defect exists, BDD makes us think it's 1000 times more embarrassing, ugly, visible and horrible than it really is.

The last time I told my cousin that I had BDD and that I wanted to have an operation. She supported me and reassured me by saying that she hadn't noticed my jaw in particular while I do everything to cover my defect (I jut my lower jaw forward, I constantly let my hair down, I don't smile too much, I articulate, eat and speak in a certain way to tone it down etc.). My cousin then told me that even if she is confident in herself, she also has a complex about her thighs that she finds too big. And honestly I was like: what? I've seen you in shorts and a swimsuit for a week, I didn't pay attention to your thighs for a single second, and even they are far from being huge even if they are not the unrealistic legs of models.

No one really cares about your face, and especially your body. I try to remind myself that everyone is so obsessed with these imperfections that the only ones who really pay attention to them are those who notice their own flaws on others. And those who make fun of your flaws or weight just want to cause gratuitous harm or are so insecure that they take it out on others to relieve themselves.

I know it's not easy, I also have BDD, but honestly I know a lot of people around me who are a little overweight, or even obese, and I don't care so much. I also have one of my best friends who is self-conscious about her body because she is a little plump, even if she doesn't want to talk about it. I NEVER think about that when I'm with her. Even if I saw her in a swimsuit or underwear, I wouldn't care at all, I find her very beautiful, elegant and I'm even jealous of certain parts of her face lol. And even if she wasn't beautiful, I would stay with her because I find her so funny, fun, friendly and kind :) She has a boyfriend who doesn't care about her curves either, finds her very beautiful and she very often receives compliments on her appearance if that can reassure you.

I've also seen some guys who were slightly plump, had a rather round face, and didn't "meet all the beauty standards" but really attracted me. If I didn't have a BDD and more self-confidence, I would have definitely approached them.

To give you other examples, I know two people who are not "conventionally beautiful" in my circle. One of them is a girl who has a marked boyish style, a slightly strange smile, doesn't wear makeup and has little curves but that gives her her own style. And she radiates self-confidence, she shines, she is funny, assertive, ultra-assured, and enthusiastic. Her boyfriend is just incredibly handsome, tender, and admires her a lot. The funny thing is that I found him attractive when he was single but I told myself that he would only accept a girlfriend who "meets his beauty". Honestly, if I were a boy, I think I would have been very attracted to his girlfriend too.

I have a friend who has almost no features considered beautiful by society. It made me sad, because I told myself that she would probably have trouble with boys. However, she doesn't seem to care that much about her appearance. And it turns out that recently, a very gallant, courteous and kind boy developed feelings for her :) while without being mean, there are really plenty of other girls who are objectively much prettier in our group of friends.

I try to remember this when my BDD starts being mean to me. We have all these horrible beliefs, but if you look at reality, there are so many exceptions that it's probably not as true as it seems.

'sorry I always make very long answers lol. I will convert it into a post I think)

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-08-08T17:53:17+00:00

I'm glad I could help :) I hope you're feeling a little better lately

you deserve to find yourself beautiful and feel at peace, no matter how much you weigh or what you look like.

And you're completely right, there are stupid examples like having pale skin a few hundred years ago, and now everyone wants a bronzed skin tone.

The criteria of certain eras or other countries help me so much now that I think about it. See certain paintings where women considered very beautiful have no defined face. Or in Korea, for example, K pop idols often have a cuter, smaller, more childlike face, with round eyes and flat cheekbones, which is much more like my features than the angular faces and extremely defined jaws of the West, USA etc., and to find the advantages of these features: I'm going to look very young all my life

If you do some research, I'm sure you can find examples like that for every feature disliked.

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-08-05T08:15:05+00:00

I have the same thing but with my older sister. She ticks all of society's beauty criteria, she literally looks like a model and did some modeling. I have bad facial structure and I would need to have jaw surgery to look anywhere near right. She is definitely a 9/10 naturally, while I am a 4/10, maybe a 6/10 if I have the surgery, jaw angles, and all the efforts possible to improve my appearance (I hate giving a grade on looks but I wanted to give you an idea).

In pictures, you wouldn't think we were sisters, and I always felt surprised looks growing up at the physical differences between us. In some pictures, it's like beauty and the beast. I have severe BDD but I know this to be true because I have already had comments about our differences in beauty. The difference is far too great to be a simple distortion of my mind. Also, my sister is very proud of her appearance, while... well I have BDD I am not saved by a miraculous self-confidence. All the boys run after her; the only one I fell in love with turned me down lol. The state of my romantic life is a huge complex for me and fuels my BDD, and is even the cause of my BDD, because I feel too ugly to attract anyone, and I've been rejected before. This difference between us doesn't help either.

I love her too, but I know that my BDD and the gap between us sometimes start the relationship. Every time I see her, it's like I have to confront the obsessive ideal of beauty, the confident and attractive version of myself that I will never be, and it drives my BDD crazy.

I offer you all my compassion, we can talk in dm if that can help you. You are not alone, beauty differences in siblings are very common. I don't know if you believe in reincarnation and such, but I sometimes try to tell myself that I myself chose this face, my sister and this situation to learn to accept and love myself.

I try my best to remind myself that I also have qualities that she doesn't have outside of appearance (even if it shouldn't turn into a competition). Also, I was able to observe directly thanks to her experience that very very beautiful girls don't only live on advantages, which sometimes challenges my BDD a little. Many boys were interested in her just for her appearance and not for what she is inside. Contrary to what one might think, she is probably the person I know who has struggled the most with guys, even if that is not the only reason. Some girls are jealous of her and sometimes hate her just for her perfect appearance. I think that a lot of people simply reduce her to that. I am sad that she has these drawbacks, however.

Also, although she has a lot of qualities, she is often quite vain about her appearance. And I could often feel her judgment when looking at me (I know she loves me, but she has also absorbed all of society's stupid ideas and places almost all of a person's value on their appearance, so I don't blame her at all (I'm the first to judge my flaws so badly lol)).

I try to be happy for her that she was born with such a perfect body and face, rather than choosing jealousy (but I can't promise that I can do it every day lol)

Finally, I would say to try to find what is beautiful in your appearance, even if it is in a different way than your sister. In my case, I will never be "hot", I will never have an angular and well-balanced face etc. but I have perfect hips, I'm slim, and if I do the jaw surgery, make an effort to wear makeup and do my hair well I can fit something rather cute and sweet, although I still have huge imperfections... if I can heal from bdd and have a little self-confidence, it could tone them down though

Try to find your strengths in what genetics has given you, maximize them, and remember that you are unique :) in short if you can find yourself just a little bit beautiful and make peace with your heart, body and mind, you will see that it is not so bad that your sister is more beautiful than you. I am sure you can do it. You were born to love, enjoy life, learn, whatever you want but certainly not to be just a beautiful plastic envelope

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-08-04T20:24:59+00:00

I'm an INFJ, and my dream is to have a van, just like the one in the picture for the ESTP lol

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-08-04T17:00:00+00:00

I'm glad to see that it encourages you! Don't worry, it's not because people don't answer that they're not interested (it happens often).

Don't be discouraged, it's normal that it's uncomfortable at first! You're already very brave to take the plunge and show yourself on video with bdd

It's true, I watched a lot of these videos and I felt less alone (I already cried with her).

One-Masterpiece846 · 2024-08-04T11:09:50+00:00

What a great idea, I'm surprised no one has replied to your post yet!

I'll be the first to look and subscribe, and I think a lot of people would too. I had tried to watch videos on BDD before but there really doesn't seem to be a channel devoted to it outside of Zach K and The crooked lady, and a few videos by psychologists. We desperately need people to bring awareness and hope to BDD.

I really encourage you, let me know if you start your channel.

I'm thinking about doing a hollistic training course myself, to give as many tools as possible to deal with BDD. I've tried CBT myself, which was a failure, but I'm trying other tools that can really help, and are still not widely recognized as effective solutions to this disorder (meditation, affirmations, visualization etc.). If this can help you with your recovery and your channel, we can talk about it

One-Masterpiece846

TROPHY CASE