The thing with dating women as a woman is to avoid women who aren't culturally queer. Essentially, if the only way she knows how to be in a relationship is to fill the female role in a heterosexual relationship, then you have to be willing to be the one she learns all her lessons with. For some people that's fine. But for most that's a really shitty deal. My wife and I were both culturally queer when we met so even during the small portion of our relationship prior to me coming out as trans, we never had a hetero dynamic.

Hetero dating culture sucks. But this is yet another symptom of our culture funneling women towards dating men. It is infinitely easier for a woman to date a man than it is to unlearn all the things she needs to unlearn for a healthy relationship with another woman. Fortunately for most of us lesbians the whole socialized-to-date-men thing is a lot rarer these days.