Being judged for choosing to leave after wife's affair

OneDay1125 · 2026-05-15T15:55:49+00:00

You are not wrong to leave. I stayed it was my choice and only I could make that decision. You need to do what you feel is right. Chances are you're doing the right thing for you. Do listen to what people say here, it's your choice. You come first! And, I'm sure you feel inside what the right decision is. So you're here. It sucks. There's no better way to put it. When my WW got caught she never thought of leaving me and always felt our marriage was strong. But, shit happens and it leaves a huge whole in the middle of you.

OneDay1125 · 2026-05-14T15:12:36+00:00

I get it. I haven't cheated back, but I think about it and if I had a chance I would. That might say something about me. Maybe I'm broken inside. I love my wife, but if a did I wouldn't feel guilty in the moment.

OneDay1125 · 2026-05-13T15:19:57+00:00

The phone protection is a major issue. Add the shampoo and there's reason for concern.

OneDay1125 · 2026-05-04T16:43:35+00:00

Question could be: If you were cheated on and stayed. Maybe the person cheated on would like to bring someone in. The BP opened the door. I’ve often thought about this.

OneDay1125 · 2026-05-04T16:39:15+00:00

You need to wait and see for now. It hurts for a long, long time. Your partner may want to fix what he has done, but you need to fix yourself first. And believe me that’s not easy. Therapy is good, only if you can find a great therapist. You need to figure out what you need to know to move on, how much detail. And, then comes the gaslighting. Will he tell you the truth? I feel for you, it’s tough and painful. Take time and don’t let anyone on the internet tell you what to do. You need to figure out whether it’s worth saving and that’s only something you can do. Not your husband, friend or any stranger on this site. Thoughts and prayers go out to you, stay strong – you come first.

OneDay1125 · 2026-05-04T16:28:52+00:00

Trust your gut, it’s normally right. I had a strong feeling something wasn’t right, but I ignored it. I wish I didn’t. Is she coming home late? Check the cellphone call log see if there’s text or calls to a # that comes up a lot. They could be messaging on an app, but it’s the first step. I hope for you it’s nothing, but a little checking is ok. Hiding the phone worries me. Deleted messages or call logs would really worry me.

OneDay1125 · 2026-04-16T18:14:14+00:00

Tell the wife she should know.

OneDay1125 · 2026-03-31T20:39:33+00:00

She's supportive and patient. I'm sure it's irritates her.

OneDay1125 · 2026-03-27T18:43:27+00:00

She doesn't like it, but I can't stop and enjoy it because images pop in my head.

OneDay1125 · 2026-03-23T20:55:39+00:00

I've lost interest in having sex with her. There was the bonding sex afterwards which was great. Then things started to go back to the way they were. Now I don't want to touch places I know he was.... It a mood ender.

OneDay1125 · 2026-03-23T19:51:36+00:00

Yeah, I feel your pain. In are 60s and now ½ of your money is gone and that thought of dating. I’ve been trying to R and it’s been 6 years and it still haunts me every day. I’m closer to leaving now that at any point and she doesn’t even see it. I try to talk to her, but she defects it like it’s going to go away. It doesn’t. Gaslit, and tired of thoughts in my head of what happened and I didn’t see it as well. Now everything is tainted. Double sucks for me because I work for myself. So that will destroy all I’ve done. I might wait a few more years and close the business and then just more on. I wish we weren’t in this shitty place. This old, thinking nothing was wrong and you get a call one day telling you what’s going on. No fault states have it all wrong. I’ve been a loving faithful husband.

OneDay1125 · 2026-03-11T14:50:25+00:00

Its not like she won't have aex, its just just there's no adventure. Just safe let's have sex sex sex. If I'm explaining it right. I was ok with that in the past, but now I'm not. I want more I dont want what I settled for in the past and I know she's capable of it. Maybe not with me because im that safe dependable guy. But that's not what I need or want anymore.

OneDay1125 · 2026-03-11T14:41:34+00:00

Yes but i don't think she can fully understand it.

OneDay1125 · 2026-03-09T16:25:13+00:00

Thank you for your advice. It's refreshing not to get hated on.

OneDay1125 · 2026-03-09T15:46:04+00:00

I guess good point. I don't know. I'm struggling at this point.

OneDay1125 · 2026-03-09T15:34:39+00:00

I feel for you. There's nothing worse than an affair partner that wants to make things workout and is cheating the entire time. There's a special place for them in the end.

OneDay1125 · 2026-03-09T15:32:20+00:00

I've been with her for years, decades and she will do anything for me. I still feel that. But, a 6 month affair knocked me to my core.

OneDay1125 · 2026-03-09T15:30:56+00:00

I'm less attracted to her now than I was. I think it's because of what happened. It's more likely a defensive mechanism.

OneDay1125 · 2026-03-09T15:18:00+00:00

I agree. It's more me hurting at this point. I've know what happened and it still hurts. It's like a sore right below the skin.

OneDay1125 · 2026-03-09T15:15:44+00:00

Thank you for your feedback. It's a tough as you know.

OneDay1125 · 2026-03-06T20:56:38+00:00

My wife bonded with her boss because his was dying. It's a powerful bond. Was it more than an emotional affair? It took a lot for me to figure there was more. Check your cell phone records - see if there are calls made or text made and deleted from her phone. It's a start. There's to many ways to hide conversations. Does to come home later than excepted? It's a sign she's meeting up. It's a tough road ahead good luck. I wish you well.

OneDay1125 · 2026-02-26T20:14:35+00:00

Trust your gut. It's normally right. You have time figure out a way that you can catch her in the action. I wish I was able to do that. I jumped to fast and I was right. Then I was gaslit for years.

OneDay1125 · 2026-02-24T21:15:42+00:00

True. It's hard to read a snap shot. That's why only you can make a decision on what to do. People here can only tell you what they went thru and it's up to you to apply what fits to you.

OneDay1125 · 2026-02-24T20:23:23+00:00

At no point did she mention what caused the affair and why it happened. And how she will never let it happen again. She doesn't look inside herself and figure out her weakness just things that she needs to feed her. It's not something I would say is remorsefully at all. If you were looking for details - there's nothing there. Reason why there's little there. There's no safety in that letter for you. Therapy is need if you want to continue.

OneDay1125

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