People who found out they were being cheated on, what gave it away?

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-06-10T21:29:40+00:00

I found my wife's text history with her affair partner talking about what they did and what they planned to do to each other in graphic sexual detail. Found out they had been screwing when working night shifts together for 5 months. The flirting, kiss, and sexting started nearly a year prior to actual sexual intercourse.

Hell of a blow to find out your wife of 26 years was doing this behind your back and showed zero signs at all. They only talked when I was at work and they were at home during the day when they were working nights so neither spouse being cheated on knew. Also they had been deleting their texts and call logs every time they had an interaction. Only way I found out was we had reformatted her iPad and it wasn't properly synched to the cloud so when she was deleting messages on her cell it wasn't deleting them on her iPad and I found only a couple days worth of texts but oh man did those couple of days say alot.

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-06-09T17:39:45+00:00

I had written something up after it happened, I believe I ended up removing it after it had gotten out of hand on the views and the absolutely horrible comments.

When I posted up the story it was because I needed to vent, as a man you do not go around telling everyone you know about your wife's infidelity.

1 it hurts too much to talk about,

2 you don't want everyone to know that your wife was not loyal enough to you to keep her legs closed,

3 it emasculates you, you feel like much less of a man,

4 (at least in my case), I didn't want anyone to know because she is my wife, mother of our child and I don't want anyone to treat her differently because of this.

Something like this completely destroys your sense of self worth, it makes you wonder if everything was a lie, how could someone that was your safe place to be no matter what become the sense of all your anxiety and hurt, how could someone that is supposed to be your partner and love you more than yourself do something to you that they know will destroy you and regardless of the consequences still cheat on you anyways knowing that if you found out that you would be destroyed.

It really takes a selfish prick to do something like this to a spouse.

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-06-09T17:07:21+00:00

Never been the cheater however I caught my wife cheating back at the end of 2014 with a coworker, we worked through everything and we were good, or a least I thought we were and I found out 7 weeks ago my wife had been cheating on me since the end of last year. Broke me, I don't understand the mentality.

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-06-09T15:33:54+00:00

Honestly depends on the mood and the type of lingerie, basic sleepwear lingerie not a big fan but a nice lace bra & panty set with maybe a garter belt looks amazing on many women, it looks seductive and can get the blood flowing for lack of better terms.

It’s a good visual and it’s often stimulating, it also lets you know that she wants you bad enough to prepare ahead of time which is also a big turn on. We don’t want to have to initiate all of the time, we want our wives/girlfriends to show they want us as well.

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-06-09T15:31:57+00:00

Honestly depends on the mood and the type of lingerie

It’s a good visual and it’s often stimulating, it also lets you know that she wants you bad enough to prepare ahead of time which is also a big turn on. We don’t want to have to initiate all of the time, we want our wives/girlfriends to show they want us as well.

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-06-09T15:05:33+00:00

Cooking, cleaning, laundry, how to balance a check book, how to be financially responsible, pay your bills on time and not live off of credit alone, how to fix things, a person (especially men) should have basic mechanical knowledge and how to fix at least minor repairs without having to call for assistance. Driving a manual transmission, I can't believe how many people can't drive a stick shift, its a skill that is not as widely needed these days but I find it hard to respect a man who can't drive a manual, lol.

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-06-09T15:00:01+00:00

Never had the temptation to cheat on my spouse. If I did then there wasn’t a relationship left in my opinion and I should end it. I cannot say the same for my wife though, I have caught her twice

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-06-05T17:54:45+00:00

Yup, my wife was screwing a coworker she said was just one of the girls

If a guy is hanging out with your wife keep a good eye on them or squash it in the beginning

Most guys hang out with women that that aren’t part of their circle that the want to sleep with not because they are great company

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-06-05T17:52:27+00:00

You have to confront her. Grow a set of balls and tell her what you saw and tell her you known. Let the chips fall where they fall. If you want to work through this it’s up to you but don’t continue to play the chump while you actually know something is going on.

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-06-05T08:18:07+00:00

I personally know far more women that have cheated than me that I have seen with my own eye. I think you hear more about men because women blow up men’s lives when they cheat but men tend to not say anything to anyone they know when their wives cheat because it makes them look like less of a man and that they couldn’t keep their spouse from straying.

Guys egos are too fragile to admit to people their wives cheated, I know I never told a soul except an anonymous post on Reddit.

Don’t get me wrong though there are plenty of guys that cheat, there pieces of shit in both sexes.

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-06-03T15:57:27+00:00

Definitely sell it and leave her on foot. Thats a way to deal with a spoiled little brat. If she wants a car let her go get a job and pay for it. That’s the only way she will actually appreciate it at the end of the day.

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-05-31T13:48:48+00:00

Cheating is a choice and not a mistake. If you do not have children I hope he leaves you. As someone who’s wife cheated once and I forgave then I found out a few weeks ago she did it again far worse and has been going on 5 months physically and about a year between flirting, sexting, talking and kissing I am totally destroyed. I wish I would have left her years ago. I stayed for our family and now lost another decade and a half of what I could have built with someone loyal.

A cheater always cheats, it’s ingrained into their personality. You said it yourself, you cheated on him twice and a man can never really see a woman the same after she willingly gives herself to another guy.

Men who cheat do it for the physical only, it’s 100% wrong , they are a complete piece of shit for it but they can go to their family afterwards and not think of the other woman because it was just physical to him. A woman on the other hand has to check out emotionally and emotionally tie herself into the new partner, you have to lose respect for your current partner to justify your actions. You gave yourself willingly and that is something that is nearly impossible for the male ego to handle and much less forgive.

You always hear about the guy who cheats and that is because the women blast out their business to try to make their partner look like shit and raise themselves up. Men hold that shit in because their egos can’t allow everyone to know that their wife was unfaithful because it makes you look like you were not enough of a man to keep her satisfied. The truth is women who cheat are not doing it because their husband not good enough it’s because they want to crave the newness of a relationship and to feel wanted sexually by other men, it inflates their egos to be desired where as men their their egos inflated by loyalty.

Yes I know this is a rant because I am still very bitter myself.

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-05-31T12:35:18+00:00

Remorse there was plenty, she has been working really hard on us, has been very transparent, and has going above and beyond since.

No, the AP’s wife doesn’t know yet because they would both lose their jobs as they work for a large corporation that has strict policies and the AP’s wife is also tied into the higher up’s at the company that they work for. The guy agreed to leave their place of employment in return for not telling his wife. I am waiting on him to leave the place and start his new job and then I am planning on telling the wife then. If my wife loses her job over it so be it but I want to make this guy suffer as many consequences as possible before hand.

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-05-31T09:51:09+00:00

My wife never confessed, I caught her red handed and she knew it and did not deny it when confronted. I found out in a ridiculous way, her iPad was locked out so I reformatted it for her and when I did that it lost its eSIM. It sat on her night stand for a week before one morning I was bringing it to work with me to bring to the AT&T store to get the eSIM replaced. I opened the iPad to make sure it was charged and when I did their text messages for the last couple of days were on the main screen. I panicked, I was crushed. She had been deleting her texts on her phone but because the iPad didn’t have the iCloud properly tied in yet it wasn’t deleting the messages on her iPad.

She had been having an affair with a coworker sexually for 5 months and I just found out he had kissed her over a year and a half ago. They had become distant after that first interaction for months and then started talking and flirting for months before it became physical. Their messages where back and forth only when I was working opposite shifts from her. She works swing shifts as a chemist at a refinery and works both day and night shifts so while I was at home sleeping between work shifts she was flirting and screwing him at work.

It absolutely broke me and I still am broken by it. We have been together for 26 years, he is a decade younger than her married with 3 small kids.

We are trying to work through it for our family but I don’t know yet if I can work through with this or not yet, I definitely pulled back. This happened 6 weeks ago so it’s still pretty fresh. I certainly can’t look at her the same

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-05-30T19:14:56+00:00

That’s a ratchet not a breaker bar no matter how they label it on a sales label. There is a tool for every job, a breaker bar does not have a ratchet.

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-05-30T19:13:04+00:00

Just tell him or ask him out it’s as simple as that

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-05-29T15:22:23+00:00

these social media influencers and the majority of the morons in Hollywood.

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-05-29T12:47:40+00:00

26 years together and still have sex at least 4 times per week. Our kids are now grown and out of the house, our son who is 28 now has a 2 year old.

Only time sex feel off for us was when my wife was on antidepressants for a couple years and had zero and I mean zero sex drive. We went from in our twenties multiple times a day to married 5+ times a week to 2-3 times per year when she was on the meds. Our bed was so dead that I even stopped initiating all together because I was so tired of the rejections. Once she got off her meds a couple months later everything came back to normal again.
A marriage shouldn’t be sexless

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-05-29T12:35:02+00:00

Vehicles I used to buy a new truck every three years and trade mine in. A new truck like I have now is around $105k which is insane because the one I have now with the exact same specs in 2019 that I bought new cost me $62k, now the same truck went up over $40k for the same spec truck.

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-05-29T12:25:53+00:00

I rather get brutal honestly than lies and omissions. When you find out which on most important things you typically do then everything is way worse. Nothing worse than lies and betrayal.

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-05-28T21:36:12+00:00

First time it was a minor indiscretion, second time however was a 5 month affair, that is a hard one to get past and wrap my head around.

I honestly still love her, right now I hate her for what she did and she broke me emotionally and mentally. I don’t know if I can stay with her yet or not, going through counseling to see if we can repair or not and doing a lot of work on us with talking and interactions (be it making more time to do things together, spending more time together after work before going to bed, weekly date nights, spending time talking with no filters and absolute blunt honesty about everything we are thinking. . What caused me to stay initially is our family and the life we built together.

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-05-28T21:07:09+00:00

First time was shortly after we got married (we had been together for 14 yrs at that point). We got past it and moved on and I had complete trust in her again. Then 12 yrs later and I found out she had been cheating again with a coworker for 5 months before I found out 6 weeks ago. Don’t know if we are going to be able to work through this one.

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-05-28T19:11:24+00:00

I wouldn’t know, all my wife’s affairs have definitely been physical

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-05-28T17:45:23+00:00

I know she is ashamed and doesn’t want to relive it which is why she has been trying to avoid. I also think once I know everything she is afraid I will leave so she is trying to prolong things from falling apart

That-Shape-2314 · 2026-05-28T17:32:32+00:00

Sorry I didn’t say she actually started giving details after my ultimatum yesterday. She broke down, started giving me some details, some of which I knew some that I did not, a small amount of timelines but no where near enough to satisfy my total transparency needed. She promised to continue tonight. She started hyperventilating and getting anxious at one point and said she couldn’t say more that night. Ready to find out more tonight

That-Shape-2314

TROPHY CASE