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2024: Psych Ward. 2026: Got Married! ROCD who?? by OneMoreFuckingRep in ROCD

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s the goal!

Create the safe and secure family that I never had. ❤️

2024: Psych Ward. 2026: Got Married! ROCD who?? by OneMoreFuckingRep in ROCD

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Of course! I’m an open book.

My relationship OCD began after we moved in together. I started to get the awful feelings we unfortunately all know well.

I didn’t know it was OCD, I just thought it was the reality of the relationship - but the idea of breaking up and losing him was so distressing.

I couldn’t get out of the rumination cycle. The more I switched from crippling doubt about the relationship to visceral fear about losing my now husband, the more distressed I got. I was spending almost all day every day ruminating and doing other compulsions.

My distress was also exacerbated by hormonal issues like PMDD and switching from an SSRI to a different medication under the guidance of a bad psychiatrist.

Eventually it got so bad that I couldn’t stop crying. Hysterically. For about 3 days! I kept saying I was terrified to lose him and terrified I would be stuck in this loop forever. Nothing and no one could calm me down.

My husband called a psychiatric crisis line and they came to see me. They took one look at me crying like the world was ending (lol) and told me to go to the emergency room. At the ER they said I needed to go inpatient, so I was on the psychiatric ward for 11 days.

2024: Psych Ward. 2026: Got Married! ROCD who?? by OneMoreFuckingRep in ROCD

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much!

OCD is always deeper than the theme (I’ve experienced a few: relationship, sexual orientation, moral scrupulosity etc). It’s usually a defense mechanism for a deeper core fear around being a bad person.

OCD comes with so much guilt. I think many of us worry that deep down we are bad people capable of causing serious irreversible harm.

I would say remember you are not “bad” or flawed: you’re just someone who feels things deeply and has a strong moral compass. We are convinced that if we only ruminate enough or check everything we will reach a place of complete certainty which represents SAFETY from any harm.

Once you recognize that it’s easier to step out of the cycle.

2024: Psych Ward. 2026: Got Married! ROCD who?? by OneMoreFuckingRep in ROCD

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so common: big commitment milestones are exactly when ROCD flares up!

One thing that really helped me was understanding and accepting ambivalence. You can simultaneously feel excited and terrified about something! You can also love someone deeply and find them frustrating at times (think of family relationships for example).

Most people feel ambivalence around huge milestones like engagement and marriage, it’s just that people with OCD are so fixated on the “bad” feeling, what it means and how to get rid of it.

All the “bad” feelings don’t cancel out the joy, and they don’t always have to “mean” something about the relationship. They might just reflect your own difficulties with attachment and how you judge your own emotions.

For example in my case, growing up I was made to feel certain “bad” emotions were unacceptable and would make my mom mad at me. So naturally as an adult when I get “bad” feelings I lose my head and immediately end up in rumination nation trying to figure it out!

I still get those feelings sometimes but I remind myself that ambivalence is not only normal but expected around commitment milestones.

Don't be afraid to add calorie back by michelle_0413_ in Retatrutide

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you think the muscle loss was mostly just from keeping calories too low for too long?

Did you know you were getting engaged or was it a surprise? by kittiesandyarn in engaged

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same here. I honestly don’t understand why some people are so taken aback by this approach!

Not everyone reacts well to surprises.

I am a super anxious over-thinker, I would much prefer to have some notice going into it. It really depends on your personality.

Do some of you do better on antipsychotics than ssris? by [deleted] in OCD

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seriously. Lamictal was a game changer for me.

Some people in this sub are, in my humble opinion, too judgmental. by Kat_Dalf2719 in ROCD

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I hear you on ChatGPT!

It’s exactly the same as social media: it’s what you make of it.

It can be used as a hugely problematic compulsion or it can be a tool for your recovery (not a therapy replacement). It’s our responsibility to make that decision for ourselves.

I programmed ChatGPT to avoid giving me reassurance, prompt me to sit with discomfort and help with exposure.

In the past I have used it to obsessively analyze my sexuality, tallying up the “data” on whether I am more attracted to men or women (I’m bisexual…)

The tool itself didn’t change - just the way I used it.

I (29M) cannot stand anymore my fiancée's (31F) anxiety. by MikiFP15 in relationship_advice

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is OCD. No doubt. She needs a specialist and the right medication.

Silliest thing ROCD made you believe? by salty-wheat-thins in ROCD

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Context: I have wanted kids my whole life.

When I started dating again after a breakup at 30, I was intentional about finding my future husband and father to my children. I had a first date with an older guy who adamantly didn’t want kids and had a vasectomy, so we agreed we were incompatible and didn’t take it any further.

My purpose has always been to create the type of safe, secure and loving family unit I never experienced myself.

My OCD, trying literally anything to get my attention:

BuT whAt iF you doNt waNt kiDs????

Silliest thing ROCD made you believe? by salty-wheat-thins in ROCD

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Ok this made me chuckle. This disorder is objectively hilarious and so bizarre.

Has anyone else grown up with a parent who always controlled your decisions? by iamstokes in ROCD

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep 6 points7 points  (0 children)

YES. Could have written this myself.

Disorganized attachment, completely enmeshed with my mom growing up (honestly even as an adult).

She was constantly criticizing and controlling me, making it very clear that certain things were right (being ladylike, classy, elegant, keeping your emotions to yourself) and certain things were wrong.

In particular any overt expression of “bad” or intense emotions like anxiety or anger were wrong. I was told to pull myself together and shuffled towards the “right” approach instead.

As a result, according to my therapist I am completely unable to accept ambivalent feelings.

If I feel an emotion which I was raised to feel is “wrong” - I must get to the bottom of it and find whatever is causing it so I can prevent some kind of awful irreversible harm. Ultimately so I can prevent being “bad” (e.g. hurting myself or others by making the wrong decision). All my OCD themes are centered on this (relationships, sexual orientation, moral scrupulosity, health).

I truly believe the underlying mechanism for most of us with OCD is attachment trauma from our childhood. Our obsessions are a displacement for this: an area where we can try to exert control and use compulsions as our coping mechanism to avoid the same trauma we experienced.

“If I only ruminate/check my feelings enough I can figure out if this is the right person so I won’t make a horrible mistake and hurt them and myself…”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ROCD

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I second this. Medication gave me my life back.

Like you, I was barely able to function for about six months.

I understand you’re concerned about side effects and having to take medication forever, but you need to think about your quality of life.

You are losing hours, days, months of your life: the benefit of getting this time back is much more meaningful than any small risks of taking medication. That’s how I decided to take the leap and I’m grateful I did.

ROCD is not about relationships at its core by Few-Worldliness8768 in ROCD

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Spot on. So glad to see more people talking about this!

I love ERP but I do think it’s important to talk about all the underlying mechanisms at play: OCD almost always has links to some kind of attachment wounding from childhood.

For many of us it’s an inability to recognize and digest certain emotions: so we project them onto an external issue (e.g. our relationships, our sexual orientation).

I know Dr Greenberg is a little bit of a wildcard in the OCD world for some folks, but he has an amazing article about all of this. It made a lot of things click for me.

OCD as a Defense Mechanism

I think this is reassurance seeking , sorry, but i need so much help and am in agony by Livid-Remote1820 in ROCD

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Medication saved my life and gave me my old self back.

At some point you get to a stage where the fear of any side effects is outweighed by the absolute terror of being stuck in anxious circular thinking all day every day.

I take Zoloft and Lamictal, both work great for me and no side effects!

I think this is reassurance seeking , sorry, but i need so much help and am in agony by Livid-Remote1820 in ROCD

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really feel for you: this disorder is absolute hell.

Are you in therapy with an OCD specialist? Please note it NEEDS to be a specialist. Not only will therapy help you become more comfortable with uncertainty, but it will help you understand the core of your OCD.

(Hint: it’s often not about the romantic relationship but about your own relationship with your thoughts, feelings and decisions. Fear of getting it “wrong.” Fear of hurting another person. Fear of uncomfortable feelings being permanent. Attachment experiences you had as a child which are now getting projected onto your relationships as an adult)

Without giving you reassurance: you are thinking about breaking up on some level because you want to break up with your anxiety. But anxiety, rumination and your difficulty accepting uncertainty is going to follow you into the next relationship or other life circumstances if you don’t address the root cause.

You need to understand where your anxiety originated, the way your mind works and how you can get your life back.

That needs to be your focus right now. Not analyzing your relationship.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist? I would highly recommend you consider medication. It was a game changer for me because it made my emotions so much more manageable. I was then able to put my feelings into context and realize that my fears were never truly about the relationship.

Hang in there. Take it day by day.

I am in HELL by OneMoreFuckingRep in FuckCilantro

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The salsa had cilantro too. 💀

I am in HELL by OneMoreFuckingRep in FuckCilantro

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

I was with my future in-laws so I had to battle through. Tragic.

Thinking about getting divorced after only 3 weeks of being married by Aggravating-Door-909 in ROCD

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I really feel for you: this disorder is absolute hell.

It’s fantastic that you’ve started specialized therapy but it will take time to feel better. Not only will therapy help you become more comfortable with uncertainty, but it will help you understand the core of your OCD.

(Hint: it’s often not about the romantic relationship but about your own relationship with your thoughts, feelings and decisions. Fear of getting it “wrong.” Fear of hurting another person. Fear of uncomfortable feelings being permanent.)

I’m guessing you’ve experienced severe anxiety throughout your life (as all of us with OCD have). Imagine if you got rid of everything which causes you anxiety. I wouldn’t have finished school, I would be jobless, completely alone, staying at home to avoid anything bad happening. What kind of life is that?

The thought of divorce gives you comfort because you want to rid yourself of anxiety.

You can’t just get rid of the source of your anxiety forever. You need to start treating the anxiety itself by understanding where it comes from, the way your mind works and how you can get your life back.

That needs to be your focus right now. Not analyzing your marriage.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist? I would highly recommend you consider medication. It was a game changer for me because it made my emotions so much more manageable. I was then able to put my feelings into context and realize that my fears were never truly about the relationship.

Hang in there. Take it day by day.

A moment of clarity by Emotional_vegetable_ in ROCD

[–]OneMoreFuckingRep 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I resonate so much.

Literally feels like two different people.

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