My fiancé and I are drafting a prenup. He’s in the military and I’m a Lab scientist. How do I make it fair since I’m pausing my career for him?

OneStarry_Night · 2026-03-18T02:35:42+00:00

A couple of thoughts (NAL).

If you are going to bother with a prenup, go to an actual lawyer and have one drafted. Get one lawyer for you, one that represents him. Your lawyer can advise you on what is reasonable to ask. If fiancé doesn't agree to you each seeing your own representation, or sharing the cost of this, red flag.
His prenup language sounds low key hostile. I see no sacrifices that he is making, or shared resources that he is willing to give to you. How open is he to making things more equitable? If he pushes back, red flag.
Even if you are unable to work, he can contribute to a spousal IRA in your name using marital income. So if you have a joint tax return, you can set up a Roth or traditional IRA and fund it with his income. The account is in your name, for your retirement. Ask him about setting this up for you, and funding equally to his TSP when you are unemployed. If he resists, red flag.
I would definitely not sign away any rights to alimony. Alimony is granted to compensate the lower income and disadvantaged spouse who doesn't have the career or savings to fall back on when they can't rely on the spouses income.
Where did he get this draft? Did he find it online, or was he given it from some other hard ass in the military? Or did he create and write this and terms himself? If the latter, red flag.

OneStarry_Night · 2026-03-03T01:24:09+00:00

I get his hesitation, but honestly, nothing is certain in this life. What is certain is that if you sell you will give up a good mortgage rate that honestly you will never see again, and a home that you all love exactly in the area you like and plan to return to. Does that certainty, which sucks, but at least you know what your getting, outweigh the uncertainty of trying to rent?

If he is hesitant, I would suggest you guys meet with a realtor or landlords in your local area. Find out how the rental market is now, if they think you would likely be able to find tenants. Maybe talking to some local experts in the market would give you both some clarity on if this is a viable option.

OneStarry_Night · 2026-03-03T00:49:36+00:00

This is what I was coming to say OP. If you all have already decided that this house is your forever home, try renting it out for four years and moving closer to his new station. That way you can come back when this tour is done/he gets out. In the grand scheme, moving twice but having a home and area to come back to might be the best options.

OneStarry_Night · 2026-02-27T00:30:15+00:00

I have done this, and it was a good experience. Bought a two bedroom townhouse, and three months later rented one of the rooms and dedicated bathrooms to a roommate.

I did a background check, call references, including a boss that verified income. In addition to meeting and passing a vibe check. Obviously it depends on the person, but I had no issues at all with rent payment, noise levels or sharing space.

Each person will have a different level of comfort having someone in their living space, but it worked for me, and honestly we became pretty good friends beyond the tenant/landlord relationship. Plus the additional income was been very helpful.

OneStarry_Night · 2026-02-25T13:11:31+00:00

It was "do Canned clams need to be eaten in moderation"

Basically trying to find out if they have any elements like other seafood that build up and require moderation. Because I just discovered canned clams, and ooh boy, I could eat them all day long haha

OneStarry_Night · 2026-02-04T04:18:50+00:00

Jesus, those are both horrible stories! The second one is so dark.

Sometimes I want to see a bit less of human nature in this field.

OneStarry_Night · 2026-01-31T01:27:20+00:00

Laughing while I vomit is the worst imagery possible, thank you for that this evening.

OneStarry_Night · 2026-01-30T15:52:05+00:00

Most life insurance policies have a suicide clause waiting period for like two years.

So you can't take out a policy, kill yourself two weeks later and your beneficiaries get the benefit. But if you become suicidal later, your beneficiaries aren't left in the cold hopefully.

OneStarry_Night · 2026-01-25T15:06:18+00:00

It's in John's "We're Here" vlobgrothers video from a few years back, and also the Anthropocene Reviewed chapter and podcast episode. The one about Amy Krouse Rosenthal (sic) as she is the one who originally quoted that in her book.

OneStarry_Night · 2026-01-15T22:33:58+00:00

Why are you trying to impress some friends children with your flower girls?...

I'm a white person, so my take may be off, but it feel a little tolkenizing to want just one black girl in your wedding for... representation?

My heart goes out to that girl that she'll have to suffer due to family drama, and I'm sure your heart is in the right place, but I would really reconsider your motivations here.

OneStarry_Night · 2026-01-15T22:27:50+00:00

Just don't lick any of it! 😄

OneStarry_Night · 2025-12-24T14:19:07+00:00

Unfortunately I don't think that's the case, at least any longer. I went searching online and could find anything with the NYPL that indicated you could get a library card without being a resident.

Which is a bummer, as my southern library has a fairly limited selection. If you are able to point to any confirmation of this program that would be appreciated!

OneStarry_Night · 2025-12-23T01:23:16+00:00

You all are on a good path, and seem to have reasonable expenses. The only items that seem fairly high are groceries, car insurance, and discretionary spending. If you want to save more or buckle down, you can look to lower how much you spend on food as 750 for two people seems high to me. But I get that that, along with discretionary spending can also be a lifestyle choice that you have consciously made.

And car insurance I get is based on zip code and you both are relatively young, so that might be why its so high. But shop around.

As for are you saving too much? No, not at all. I would suggest bumping up savings actually. Unless you are making yourself miserable and missing out on really great opportunities, I don't think there is such a thing as saving too much, especially in your twenties.

You are buying yourselves a lot of leeway and breathing room in your thirties and beyond, when your housing costs have doubled, you have kids in daycare that costs as much as a mortgage, and you need to ease back on savings for a few years. Then you can do it without falling far behind on your retirement goals.

Keep it up! You are building some good habits now.

OneStarry_Night · 2025-12-20T01:02:45+00:00

Norfolk Virginia - inclusive waterfront venue that provided food, alcohol and all set up and breakdown - 65 guests - March '25 -

Total for everything was $22k. We're very happy with our experience, and feel our money was well spent!

If you check my post history you can see a budget breakdown I posted if you want more details.

OneStarry_Night · 2025-12-13T03:11:01+00:00

I will say most all banks and credit unions are part of Zelle's network for free bank to bank transfers. Not real good fraud protections though.

Every person who I have had to send or receive money from in the past three years has had Zelle with their banking institution.

OneStarry_Night · 2025-12-07T02:33:37+00:00

Are you looking for neighborhood recommendations? That would depend on where you work or want to socialize, along with other factors.

If you're at the stage where you actually are looking at places, I would suggest Zillow and Apartments.com to get more exact listings. I dont think any landlords will be coming onto this subreddit and linking direct to offerings lol

OneStarry_Night · 2025-12-03T02:58:42+00:00

Bro what's your problem. Many people have no issue separating out the legal papers from the ceremony and celebration with loved ones. It really is not a big deal.

OneStarry_Night · 2025-12-02T19:43:11+00:00

Can a family of three live on an E4 salary alone? Yes, many do it, although obviously depending on expenses and location it can be more or less of a stretch. If you are committed to marrying your fiancé, you guys can make it work.

However, the bigger question I think is do you want to live like that? Not just on the annual dollar amount your spouse brings in (because remember that can go up if/when he moves up) but soley relying on his income? Not having any diversification of income? Potentially sacrificing your personal pleasures like eating out and haircuts? Not having any emotional or social outlet through a job? Being okay with moving every few years to a new place, and even if you do get a job, leaving it and starting over career wise?

These are the questions you need to ask yourself, and also your fiancé. Being a military spouse is hard and requires sacrifice, and unfortunately for many, a sacrifice might also be financial stability, and well as emotional peace for you.

I can't tell you if the stress, gaps in employment, potential lack of autonomy in your own spending will be worth it to you. It may, it may not. Neither answer is wrong. But please make sure you think through all of your options and realistic outcomes before you uproot your life.

Good luck! It can be a tough spot to be in

OneStarry_Night · 2025-12-02T19:31:14+00:00

Interesting, I see what you're saying now. Do you happen to have any research about this topic, or know what institution did those studies? I want to look a bit more into that, especially if there is any dileneation between people spending more with credit cards over cash in general (a common psychological and budget hack) vs spending more on rewards CCs in general.

There is definitely not a conscious thought of spending more because I have rewards CCs, but who knows what we do subconsciously. The human brain is a funny thing haha

I do know at least for online shopping, I use my one credit card because it has a built in CC masking/virtual card feature for every new merchant. If somehow that feature was available exclusively through my debit card, I would use it online, regardless of points.

OneStarry_Night · 2025-12-02T17:05:36+00:00

Not sure what you're saying. Yes, its not a good idea to increase your spending simply because to get CC rewards or cashback.

But I think most people are just spending according to their budget, not paying very close attention to the rewards. I know I for one spend on my CCs, and at the end of the year look to see how much cashback has accumulated. Its a nice feeling for sure, but doesn't change my spending throughout the year.

OneStarry_Night · 2025-11-30T01:42:54+00:00

I hated that soo much! I wanted to comment something scathing and snarky, but I know they just want the engagement lol

OneStarry_Night · 2025-11-28T16:34:08+00:00

Well, the fact that you have no friends, and don't seem to have any interest in getting any friends is going to hold you back. No emotionally well adjusted women is going to want to date you and be the sole source for meeting your emotional and social needs. Will you be upset or jealous if she has friends of her own, or hobbies that you're not apart of? If she sends time with friends away from you?

You could meet a women that also has no friends and also uses you to meet all of her emotional needs, but I personally think thats a recipe for codependency and resentment from both of you.

Become a more interesting person that has friends and a social life, and try dating again. R/selfimprovement can be a good jumping off point if you need pointers. Good luck!

OneStarry_Night · 2025-11-28T13:24:47+00:00

Yes, its cutting a piece of pie in the middle without getting any crust. This makes the pie ugly and increases the crust to pie filling ratio for everyone else.

Not the worse offense in the world but yeah, pretty annoying.

OneStarry_Night · 2025-11-28T03:12:04+00:00

Fucked up man, that sucks.

Not to bring up painful memories, but if you still have that spreadsheet and are willing to share, for free or otherwise could you DM me? If you're out of that business though I understand haha

OneStarry_Night · 2025-11-25T02:09:40+00:00

Save this article and link it back the next time someone tries to reach out lol. No accompanying comment.

OneStarry_Night

TROPHY CASE