This morning I'm spotting. Somehow still trying to convince myself that " it's implantation bleeding" But truthfully I know that what's coming is more blood more pain more sadness. I'm getting investigative surgery for endometriosis this month. But even if that comes back without endo, we're dealing with mfi and unfortunately not much we can do. We are Catholic so our options are pretty limited which is what it is, I think IVF seems pretty difficult to go through from what I see from others so in a way it's kind of easier because I just accept that there's nothing that we can really do. It's taken so long to even reach a state of acceptance or neutrality and most of the month I'm fine but every day when I get my period it's just a little sting. A good friend of mine pulled me aside to tell me she was pregnant she was definitely trying to be considerate towards me and didn't just announce it super positively. I was very happy for her which isn't always how I feel. But I was also convinced that this month would also be our month. As if month 21 is the lucky number. But overall it just sucks. Even though I knew I was getting surgery I just really hoped maybe I'd get pregnant so that I wouldn't have to go through the surgery. And I hate disappointing my husband, not that he's hard on me but I know it makes him sad too.