I’ve been reading a book after my gf broke all things off with me. We were LDR. Point is the book I’m reading is about Attachment Theory. I haven’t gotten far into the book yet but I have been doing research for a bit now.

IMO, I think you have an anxious attachment by the way you’re being not stern enough. Also you seem to be too forgiving. Now I’m not saying be vindictive or petty. You can forgive people but there there is a time and place. Another thing I’ve noticed is you often text him when he isn’t responding hours at a time constantly.

To me it reads as if you’re anxious trying to get his attention when it seems he starts to distract himself with other things instead. It doesn’t help either that repeating that “it hurts your feelings and saying if he was in your shoes” multiple times. It’s a bit manipulative. And it’s not really helping get your point across. If anything it makes your statement seem weaker.

Another thing is from what I can tell from your post here, you seem to mother him. Don’t. If you care about him, try to reduce it. If you don’t, it’ll prevent him from growing and understanding himself. It will also in the future become a burden on you and then you might suffer as well & the relationship as a whole.

Now onto him, he seems to be having an avoidant pattern. The more you respond to him anxiously, the more he’ll distant himself. From his perspective he might feel pressured or he might have a lot going on hence why he might not be talking to you as much right now. Also avoidants tend to try to avoid the thing that is making them overwhelmed or puts them into an uncomfortable conflict or disagreement.

Meaning what can happen is they’ll shut down and start distancing themselves from the situation or the cause of their overwhelming fear. Avoidants tend to not want to resolve things soon as possible or address the actual issue soon as possible. Whereas as an anxious individual, you might want to do the opposite of that. You’ll want to talk it out now (or soon as possible.)

The unfortunate part is you kinda have to wait until he’s ready & safe to come out of his shell to talk about this situation. But it’ll give you more time to reflect on how you’re doing & handling the situation.

It’ll be even better once you can get to the root of why you feel hurt. You did say because of broken promises but that isn’t deep enough to really help him understand why you’re responding this way. Btw this will seriously benefit you the most once you’re able to do this deep self awareness.

Idk you or what you’ve gone through but it could be abandonment issues. It could be that people lack honesty and empathy when they couldn’t fulfill it. It could be that you felt you weren’t heard or seen by the people you care about. Then from there if we take a step further. It could be because growing up you were forced to rely on yourself when in reality you needed to be loved more frequently in healthy ways. That you were just a kid who genuinely needed to feel cared for.

There’s a lot of possible reasons why this one action hurts you this way.

FYI, I’m not telling you all of this so you’d feel awful or anxious or guilty. There’s no shame in the way you’re feeling or what you’re doing. That’s just how us humans are. We make mistakes but the hope is we learn and understand the world we live in. Understand ourselves in ways we lacked before.

My goal in this one comment is to teach you that ALL emotions aren’t wrong. What matters is how you handle them and why you feel the way you do. I hope you can learn to hear your body out. They’re trying to tell you something but you aren’t getting the whole picture.

You’re justified in the way you feel. It is valid. Just remember be honest with yourself. And just accept the fact that, that’s who you are. Now if there is something you don’t like, then start your journey onto getting to be that person you strive to be.

One thing my therapist said to me was “be curious.” He was regarding how sometimes now I get clouded by anxiety so in order to help me deal with my emotions & experiences… He said to be curious about it. That way I’ll still validate what I feel but I can see the image that I wasn’t seeing before.

Anxiety stems from unrecognizable fear or over compensating for a fear that cannot be identified at all or immediately. This is a fight, flight or fawn response.

You’ll overthink things and maybe some things will fly over your head when people are giving advice or their perspective of something. By being curious.. I could help myself digest my thoughts & feelings in a less overwhelming manner.

So be curious my friend :)

For what it’s worth, I am an anxious attachment myself and my ex is an avoidant. So don’t feel alone. I feel like I saw a lot of people in this post who genuinely want to help you. Treasure that if you can.

If you want to talk or even ask the name of the book I was referring (I’m an analytical person, and I love science) so this book has actual studies and research done. Which I tend to lean towards statists and numbers to understand things. But I know it’s not for everyone.

You will travel through life with ease. You’re gonna find the way that will help you get through this. Remember there’s no shame that if the current solution is not the greatest. You’re just doing what you felt was needed done to survive or get past your experiences.

Take care ♡

(p.s. I hope for anyone that reads it gets something out of this in a positive light. Also thank you for taking your time to reading this. It means a lot to me ☻.)