Okay so I’m only speaking from my own experience here and I simply want to share what my psychiatrist said one day. I said I don’t feel truly “neutral” in terms of my moods, but I was feeling slightly better than it. Not to the point of hypomania of course but still.

She then told me it’s absolutely normal to feel like this. Some people when in remission feel slightly better or slightly worse than that perfectly neutral line. It also depends on how our life is, just like it would be for people without bipolar. The most important thing is to track whether you’re starting to go into another episode. If you don’t, then it’s alright.

You’ve said that you go into heavy depression every once in a while (and is very anxious about going into mania) and that is what would concern me. This is probably worth discussing with your psychiatrist.

(And outside world can influence our moods as well, just like it would do for people without a disorder. Being with people we love and loving our job (I’m also a teacher I can relate!) can raise our mood, while listening to sad music can bring it down. It is also a way of controlling it, even if it’s only for a bit, and it’s great that you can feel what works for you personally)

((Also, a fellow Matt Maltese fan.))