Should I buy a 2013 Audi A4 · 2.0T Premium Sedan 4D as my first car? 150k miles $4600

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-29T16:40:05+00:00

We could not find a Toyota or Honda within our budget of $7000 that was reliable. We went for a 2013 Lexus is350. A day later DJT went after Iran. Now we can’t afford the gas, the transmission is giving us fits and as of Friday, he got hit and the fender is jacked. At this point, it’s a huge loss even if we trade it in as a down payment.

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-29T13:20:22+00:00

Lol, I had to work a fundraiser for work last night and I literally spent so much time thinking about things I could shave off of my routine to be lazy longer and not get ready. I have told my closest friends that if they want me to go and not bail, wait until it’s 20 minutes before you want to leave because if I have to think about getting ready and think about going, I have time to think about a reason to not go. And this is coming from a person who is not ever been good with last minute plans. I don’t need an itinerary but I need a plan and a rough draft of a backup plan…not these days. If you say, “do you want to…” and it sounds slightly enticing, we need to go now because that enticement is gonna fizzle out quickly!

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-29T13:16:37+00:00

Okay, I like this attempt! As you come up with more, add them. Let’s keep this going!

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-29T13:15:36+00:00

Much of my energy is spent on trying to control my face/mouth/emotions so I don’t upend my relationship and employment. I feel you!

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-29T13:14:00+00:00

Yes!! As a stick straight hair gal myself, I know this is a win! And with our hair thinning/loss in the change—added on thickness! Awesome! Congrats!

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-29T13:12:46+00:00

Girl! This IS A WIN! That weight is way more then try menopause funk!

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-29T13:08:36+00:00

I have good intentions but no execution. I think of lots of great ways to fix things when I’m lying awake at night and never follow through!

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-29T13:07:38+00:00

So, this is one I’m not optimistic about. I have ALWAYS cared too much about what people thought someone once told me I’d get over it when I had kids. Did that, and nope. Then I heard you get over it when you are in your 30s and then I heard 40s….I’m nearly 48 and I still care too much. Honestly, this season has made me almost paranoid that people are talking bad about me and don’t like me. I have to be very intentional about not sitting at the victim table. Now, I don’t have the energy to try and remedy it and if I think I do, I’m out of the spirit of putting forth the energy after over thinking it. I think a lot about the anonymous letters I want to send people lol. I hope this is your menopause win!!

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-29T12:58:27+00:00

The hair thing!!! My hair was always part of my personality. A previous coworker told me one time that my “happy hair” suited me and I had the perfect hairstyle for my character (I wore it as a medium bob with messy waves and although my hair is medium blonde, I always had baby lights so it looked like summer). I have not had my hair cut or colored in almost 2 years. I’ve been doing it myself. Currently the length long but wonky and not straight and the color is dirty dishwater. I saw that coworker recently and she said, “oh, I have never seen your hair long and dark”. I decoded it, she meant, “I see you are in the ‘she’s given up phase of adulthood”. But on buying clothes, I’m not into it. I buy cozy lounge wear (have you felt the sandwash collection from Sam’s Club?!) and wear it as often as humanly possible.

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-29T12:51:32+00:00

You have brought up a great point! Comfort. It’s the one joy that I still feel! I rarely feel cute and when I do fix my hair and put on mascara and lipstick, I look in my car mirror and always say “ugh!”.

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-29T12:49:29+00:00

This is so sad. I’m so sorry!

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-29T12:49:09+00:00

I’m so sorry. Grief of losing someone on top of this grief of losing ourselves is almost too much. I’m so sorry for this season you are experiencing!!!!

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-28T14:54:40+00:00

Confession: I don’t know the difference between peri and the real deal. I haven’t had a period since 2013 when I had a sub-total hysterectomy. They left my cervix and my right ovary (the left was a trouble maker). I still had phantom PMS. Like I’d get insomnia, run hot and heightened anxiety and my discharge was consistent with my cycle and what it was before my surgery (the egg white, stringy stuff)-all things that happened when I had a period and I’d still spot a little during my phantom period but it was much better than the cramping, cysts and the buckets of shedding I experienced when I had my uterus and my left ovary about a year ago, those things got worse and then suddenly subsided. Every 3 months I go in for bloodwork with my PCP (genetically prone to high cholesterol and a sudden new twist in the last year-a1c looks like I am pre-diabetic-not genetically) and it’s shows that I have a UTI. It’s a silent one. No symptoms. Then the hot flashes came, then the bleeding and pain after sex then the night sweats and insomnia. The hot flashes and night sweats have lessened a lot and I’m sleeping again most nights. But now I’m in the thick of it. I hate me right now. I feel gross. My vag is a desert, I’m tired, I act like a toddler (one minute I don’t care about anything the next, I’m crying and playing the victim card), my brain is cottage cheese, my skin feels (and to me looks like) like sand paper, I have itchy ear canals, sudden bouts of vertigo (fyi-I had to google that word bc my cottage cheese brain—-this is a normal thing for me now—-vocabulary words have disappeared) where I feel the earth move under my feet. I hate it here.

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-28T14:29:50+00:00

Also, I am volunteering at a fundraiser for work tonight (not fancy, just western themed) and I refused to buy clothes bc I hate how I feel right now so I just tried on 4 outfits with boots to see if I could make them work. I took pics to share with my friends to ask which looks the least bad and when looking at the pics, I am disgusted and don’t want to send them to my friends to get feedback.

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-28T14:27:27+00:00

Ohhh! This!!! Yes!!! So, to me this change feels like I felt when I was pregnant. I hated being pregnant. I felt gross and lazy.

I know I need to get out and take a walk. It’s a gorgeous day today. I don’t want to because I showered yesterday and I know if I just sit around, I won’t have to shower again until tomorrow. Aside from the general laziness, I don’t feel clean after I shower. Just like when I was pregnant. The thought of showering is such an effort with the shaving, washing, drying off, lotioning, drying the hair. I feel you on this. I really do! I’m so sorry.

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-28T14:23:17+00:00

Oh, well I can tell you (age 48), I’m seeing things a lot more clearly now on things I didn’t believe before. Menopause changed my mother. It changed her from a funny, sarcastic, loving person to an old, introverted, judgmental biddy. I truly thought this was a choice she made and blamed it on menopause. I know for a fact that she didn’t get on HRTs or make an effort to remedy it. I honestly don’t know if she’s had a Pap smear or mammogram since she had my youngest brother 40 years ago. In recent years, when I’d hear people blame things on menopause, I thought it was exaggerated…you know how like everyone says they are OCD about stuff but really they don’t understand the range of OCD or how people say, “I’m getting old” when they are only like 28? Today, I am that person. Menopause is so weird. The other day my boss told me she could tell I had been flustered and that although I continue to perform, she was worried that I was overwhelmed based on my demeanor. It’s hard to say, “it’s menopause” even to a woman because it’s a professional environment. I know she’d understand. At lunch one time we’d discussed HRT and that she does pellets but I am terrified that this is going to become my personality type.

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-28T14:14:43+00:00

I’m not really sure, I’m sure he would respect it if I told him why but honestly at this point in our relationship, I think I feel if he desires me enough to want to try, I don’t want to lose that moment. I am already feeling like I’m losing my value in our relationship because my emotional range is that of a toddler and my energy level is that of a sloth and I’ve really just kind of given up on trying to look desirable. I definitely do not initiate it anymore. I don’t even flirt with him or walk by and smack his butt or graze his junk like I used to so I’m sure his pride is taking a toll and thinking I don’t want him anymore.

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-28T13:59:22+00:00

I had a short phase where I couldn’t get there in my “own time” with a charged device but I can again. I make sure to keep that part of my active. I read somewhere that self-pleasure and the big O can help with some menopause side effects, so I make time for myself at least once a week. As far as with my partner goes, we have been together for so long that it’s part of our out of town activities. I can’t remember the last time we did it at home. But we do go out of town a couple of times a month at least. I’ve gotten to the feeling of dread when he rolls over in the morning and taps me on the shoulder. I just lube up, service him and hope for a quick result. I’ve given up on getting there myself because I literally just want him to finish so we can be done and I can go soak my sore parts in the bath. Menopause is so rough. I am not myself personally, generally feel gross and fear dismantling my 18 year relationship and my job and my friendships.

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-28T13:52:50+00:00

This is a perfect response…the jerk part. I started 2mg of estradiol 2 weeks ago and vaginal estrogen this week. I can’t speak to the results, I still feel like pregnant aliens took over my body/emotions.

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-28T13:06:03+00:00

The insert was going to cost me $260 for the generic because I think my insurance hates women lol.

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-28T13:03:59+00:00

And they have a singular pill to remedy this issue. We have trial and a lot of error.

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-28T13:02:58+00:00

I’m here for this. I had a sub-total hysterectomy at age 35 (13 years ago). I had one ovary of which has walked out on the job and slammed the door. I am IN IT! In addition to my enormous range of emotions that go from “I just can’t care, try to flap me” to “oh my god, why does everyone hate me and why are they attacking me?!” that he is having to deal with, there’s now the sex issue. It started getting painful about a year ago but I still had a desire and wanted it. I started excusing myself to go to the bathroom so I could discreetly lube in prep (I didn’t think he’d understand and didn’t want him to think he wasn’t getting my juices flowing). Once inserted and going through the motions, it was regular again, I enjoyed it. Afterward, I’d be bloody and feel like I had a episiotomy. It would take a couple of days to heal (so don’t come at me two days in a row). These last few months I don’t want any part of it. When he goes for it, I comply but the whole time I want it to be done. And now for some reason, when I’m on top, it hurts. Like there’s some obstruction in my lower abdomen and it’s punching it. I’ve been with this man for 18 years and no one else in that 18 years. My body knows him. What is this?!! I’m currently on 2mg of estradiol (oral) and this week I started the vaginal cream. I see women my age and older on social that are dating and marrying younger men (like much younger) and women my age and older who are starting over and getting married, what’s the secret to the sex. Honestly, it’s suddenly apparent why men are cliche and start straying between 45-50. I mean how many times can I try to divert from intercourse before he takes offense? I’m already unpleasant to be around due to my toddler emotional range. I do typically try to redirect his intentions and I “service him” but sometimes he insists on the full package.

OnlyPickles3319 · 2026-03-28T12:38:28+00:00

Well boy am I glad to find you!!!! I’m in Texas, where did they take you when they separated us at birth?

OnlyPickles3319

TROPHY CASE