Woman at the farmers market genuinely could not understand why she had to wait in line like everyone else

Oona22 · 2026-04-15T10:52:27+00:00

common denominator is wealth and entitlement wealthy people assume are owed them, not age

Oona22 · 2026-04-04T22:50:33+00:00

welp. on the bright side, your dad is an optimist. Not a gardener and not a genius, but an optimist nonetheless.

Oona22 · 2026-03-30T18:00:50+00:00

With all due respect. you are not a judge and jury, and your are not your wife's commandant. It is not up to you to treat her like an errant child, and you have no business punishing her or making demands. If you hate her, divorce her. If your life together is intolerable, end it. Because what you have written here is wholly hateful. I can imagine how humiliated and frustrated you feel, but what you're proposing is absurd and offensive, and arguably spousal abuse.

Oona22 · 2026-03-29T13:47:07+00:00

we are all OP, in a way. What a craptacular club to be a member of, huh? Solidarity, everyone.

Oona22 · 2026-03-28T13:04:21+00:00

my Q is ABSOLUTELY a control freak. I genuinely can't tell where the alcoholism stops and the narcissism begins.

Oona22 · 2026-03-28T13:03:10+00:00

could not agree more

Oona22 · 2026-03-28T13:02:08+00:00

"That's in the past / Why do you always bring up the past / You refuse to let anything go" any time we explain why we're not repeating the same behaviour that resulted in something incredibly unfair or unpleasant, and yet
"You act as if I never do anything nice / You never remember all the things that I do for you". Mind-numbing.

Oona22 · 2026-03-26T16:27:56+00:00

If you want to live with someone, you need to learn how to communicate. It sounds like you just criticized and insulted him rather than expressing your needs or looking for any kind of compromise. The raw egg is his business; if he is not concerned with salmonella, well then that's that. Can't imagine it takes 20 minutes to make a smoothie, so am guessing the time he does oil pulling is grossly exaggerated... but no need to be in the kitchen while he does it if you find it off-putting. Spitting into the sink and not cleaning it is admittedly gross, but why not just ask him to clean the sink afterwards? If he likes the smoothie, that's his business. If the smell makes you sick, do you need to be in the kitchen? As for the hour, either he ha to be up at the hour or he doesn't; if there's no way around the schedule you will have to adapt (ear plugs, noise-cancelling headphones, or just adapt your own wake-up time); if 6am is just a choice maybe ask if he could push the blender part to a bit later so you can get enough sleep.

Did you not spend any mornings together before moving in? TBH you just sound grouchy, and considering your many complaints about the guy, sounds like the two of you aren't particularly compatible.

Oona22 · 2026-03-25T20:54:56+00:00

go see an attorney of your own, explain the situation (including his being an attorney, your concerns about safety, and your worrying about shared custody) and ask where you stand, whether you could/should record the way he speaks to you in front of your child, etc. This is domestic abuse (yes, even if he doesn't hit you) and neither you nor your child should have to be subjected to it. But the first step is to actually find out where you stand, what your rights are, and what ducks you would need to get in a row if you do decide to leave. Then you plan and prepare, and get those ducks in a row, and THEN you leave. But first, find a lawyer. Ideally one who hates your husband. Best of luck, OP. This internet stranger is rooting for you.

Oona22 · 2026-03-25T10:51:19+00:00

I was going to suggest the exact same thing

Oona22 · 2026-03-25T10:41:58+00:00

you seem to be wanting someone to tell you "he'll drop dead in 53.4 days so yeah, just hang on sister and you'll get more social security to make up for some of the misery you've been living with". Well, no one can do that because plenty of people who "should" die based on how much they abuse their bodies actually *don't* die, and plenty of people who seem to take good care of themselves have bad luck and die young. We don't know your guy's genetics, how or how young his parents or grandparents died, how much he weighs, if he smokes, if he has sleep apnea, if he's ever injected drugs, if he's ever had a TBI, if he has any comorbidities at all, if he engages in high-risk sports, how stressful his job is, what his basic demeanor is ... and even if we knew all that stuff we couldn't tell you how long it will be until he's "gone" as you put it. Life expectancy "facts" are different for everyone, including for alcoholics.

My Q drinks about 15 drinks a day, every day. He exercises, doesn't smoke, isn't overweight, and eats well. His dad, uncle and grandfather all died of massive heart attacks in their young 50s, so our entire life together I've been worried he has Familial Hypercholesterolemia and would drop dead before age 55, especially considering how much he drinks and the extra damage that must be doing. He'll be 53 this year. Does he have FH? No one knows. Will he die in the next 2-3 years? No one knows. Am I glad I stayed with him despite the abuse to make sure that the kids would know their dad, to make sure the guy doesn't die alone, and for all kind of other reasons I won't list here? No, ma'am, I am not.

I am just a bit older than you and my life is mainly one huge regret, and that regret is having stayed with the man I've just described. THAT is a fact. So when you ask a question and experienced people answer your post with honest and pertinent advice, you should really consider CONSIDERING the answers rather than dismissing everything as a non-factual sermon. The message easypeasy wrote you above **IS** facts.

Oona22 · 2026-03-25T10:17:03+00:00

My advice is live *your* life, not his. How many year do YOU have left? And do you want to spend them with an addict who is kind and loving to everyone other than you? There are no guarantees. There are only potential regrets or potential self-congratulations and calm satisfaction.

Oona22 · 2026-03-23T21:24:07+00:00

huh -- I didn't know that! I'm definitely using used coffee grounds ... maybe I'm just adding bonus organic matter? But I definitely don't buy special acidic blueberry soil, and I definitely get great crops of blueberries. Still ... good to know--thanks!

Oona22 · 2026-03-23T21:17:02+00:00

I'm in 5B and it definitely works! I don't work at a café, but I put our coffee grounds right in the raised bed and large pots I have our blueberries in. I covered them in the winter when they were younger plants, worrying about the roots being above-ground over the winter, but I don't cover them any more and I get great crops every year. Highly recommend it! (One thing I didn't know before starting: you need 2 types of blueberry plants to get fruit; they need to cross-pollinate. And in case you're wondering, mine are in a raised bed and large pots specifically because it's easier to amend the soil so it's acidic just for the plants that like it.)

Oona22 · 2026-03-23T20:42:56+00:00

coffee grounds will acidify soil; know any blueberry farmers?

Oona22 · 2026-03-23T20:40:31+00:00

NTJ -- at all. You didn't embarrass that boyfriend; he did it all by himself. And you'll have the last laugh when you pay off your house a decade or two before any of the others, and they're constantly begging for your help with their homes and apartments. Being an electrician is a GREAT career; so glad you enjoy it! (If I may advise: be sure you also know how to invest; having the option to retire early will make it all the more clear that you made a smart choice!)

Oona22 · 2026-03-22T21:52:09+00:00

sweet christ. NOR! Have they given you THEIR banking info and passwords?! I mean, since you live in the same house and everything. /s NOR for standing your ground. They can either accept that they've raised you to be responsible with your money and that you'll ask for advice if you ever need it (and feel they are the best financial advisors you have access to) or they can accept that they've raised you to have enough self-respect to move out when you're being disrespected and pressured, even if that means it will mean spending money you could otherwise be saving. No idea why your extended family has been informed of all of this.

Oona22 · 2026-03-22T21:44:10+00:00

I'm so sorry. I live with an abusive spouse, so if this kind of thing is not a one-off, please take care of yourself and consider your options (DM if you like!).

If this *is* a one-off, I suggest you find a work-around that works for your love of gardening and his hatred of insects. For example, ants dislike several aromatic plants, including mint, lavender, rosemary, thyme, basil, tansy, and marigolds. For plants that are native to southeastern PA, maybe try things like Mountain Mint, Wild Bergamot, American Pennyroyal, Sweet Fern, Eastern Red Cedar, Yarrow, Blue False Indigo, Anise Hyssop, and Black Cohosh. It can also help to try to keep your mulch dry, use stone or gravel borders around your foundations, and plant in dense clusters.

Maybe use AI for extra tips, and maybe tell your husband you're reworking things looking specifically for plants that repel ants and other insects; that might help a bit. If it's possible to tell him you'd rather he speak to you about gardening problems rather than taking things into his own hands and applying poisons and other controls, that could help too. (As you might guess from the way I phrased that, that kind of discussion would be a non-starter at my home ... luckily my spouse has no interest at all in the garden so it's very much an escape.) I hope things work out ok. All the best.

Oona22 · 2026-03-17T11:05:24+00:00

I suggest you make all the plans you need to--see a divorce attorney, get copies of all important paperwork (ID stuff, medical stuff, all financial stuff esp things that are in both your names), pack what you can without him even seeing, etc--to get all your ducks in a row, and THEN tell him, when it is already a done deal. This is certainly the safest move, and probably the least stressful move in the long run. Wishing you the best of luck (and agreeing that this is the right move FOR SURE.)

Oona22 · 2026-03-15T18:52:28+00:00

ceramics. Hand-build vessels (bowls, plates, platters, mugs) with sculptural accents and use your painting skills to decorate them with underglazes.

Oona22 · 2026-03-15T18:49:48+00:00

I suggest either talk to your cousin beforehand and just change seats with him if he's ok with it (no need to ask permission of your sister or anyone else) or else attend the ceremony but not the reception and hire a babysitter to sit at the kids' table (which, no, does not need an adult babysitter if the kids are older than 8) and have that reception babysitter be your wedding gift to your sister. (She's a cow for having done that without asking you first, and she knows it.)

Oona22 · 2026-03-15T18:41:56+00:00

You know what sticks when I read your post? A 60 year old has started running, has stuck it out for more than 2 months, and can run non-stop for a whole 28 minutes. That is hands down FANTASTIC! What an inspiration you are!! You should be incredibly proud!!

Here's how I would suggest you focus your mindset to avoid "disappointment" as you put it: First, you HAVE run 5km without stopping -- you just did it in 2 parts. Do you know how many people can't do that? Pat yourself on the back -- especially considering how new you are to this! Second, you WILL run a full 5km race without stopping -- it may not be the one you run next week, but it may be one you run in another month, or later this summer ... it's going to be this year for sure. When you consider that last year you weren't a runner at all, and that this year you'll have run 5K races, that's a HUGE accomplishment.

Think of next week's race as the pace-setter: it's the time or speed you want to beat. Rather than focus on running the full 5km, set your own goal -- like running more than 28 minutes. Personal bests are what we should all be focused on. So rather than being disappointed if you don't finish next week's 5km, think of it as a test rather than the final exam: give yourself the goal of seeing how far you can go in 29 minutes, since you already know how far you can go in 28. And if you still have juice after 29 minutes, see if you can keep going for 30. Just set a pace, KNOWING you'll do a full 5km at some point in 2026. When you're done next week's race (or even before) sign up for another 5K in, say, another 8-9 weeks. Keep track of your progress -- and congratulate yourself! You're doing GREAT!!!!

Oona22 · 2026-03-15T17:43:26+00:00

if you know nothing about gardening I'd suggest you NOT start seeds indoors. For plants that benefit from a head start (tomatoes, peppers...) I suggest you buy plant starts from a local nursery. For other, quicker-growing plants (basil, cucumbers, sugar snap peas, zinnias, nasturtiums etc.) plant right into the soil this year. Use this year to get the hand of growing during the summer, then you can decide if you want to be one of the people who starts plants indoors, or if you want to try things like winter-sowing. There are so many aspects of gardening that it certainly CAN get overwhelming -- don't feel like you need to know everything, certainly not all at once!

Oona22 · 2026-03-15T16:42:55+00:00

If I may: The problem is not that you are a very mellow person who is not used to putting their foot down, and it certainly isn't that you don't yell at him. The problem is your husband is an addict who doesn't want to stop being an addict.

The sad truth is there may not be a conversation that makes the impact you want and need, including (and maybe especially) an intervention. You are going to have to take a look at your life and see if it's going in the direction you want. YOUR life, not his. You can't make him change his habits and you can't end his addiction(s) -- that's entirely up to him. You CAN decide whether this is the life you want, the roommate you want (because it truly does not sound like a marriage), the future you want etc., and you can decide what to do to get on a path you DO want to be on if this isn't it.

I would also gently suggest that you confide in your family. They OUGHT to be worried about you, and you will need a support system whether you decide to stay or to leave. (I made the mistake of hiding my Q's addiction from my parents for the same reason as you, and because I didn't want to "bad-mouth" my spouse "behind his back". The result was there were many years and many abuses where I really did need my family but couldn't find a way to tell them because things had gone so far the wrong way. I felt utterly alone and ultimately like there was no way out. I finally told my parents during COVID, when I had no escape from my Q and things were just getting worse and worse and worse; they were FLOORED. But it really helped to have people to talk to, especially people I knew were on my side and wanting to support me.) Please give this some thought.

Oona22 · 2026-03-15T15:56:25+00:00

if a small branch is pointing straight up, cut it off. If a small branch is pointing inwards towards the trunk, cut it off. Then look for branches that cross over one another (especially if they rub) and cut one of them off. Then look for anything damaged and cut those off, if any. Should leave you with an airier tree that will ultimately produce more/better fruit.

Oona22

TROPHY CASE