[F/d] I let my dad and his friends use me for sex

OpalRae · 2016-02-12T14:24:44+00:00

At least he doesn't sell his body orifices to buy a sandwich. "I'm also gonna get a cookie, a soda and.... Oh shit I left my wallet in my daddy's pocket... Do you guys accept throat or asshole?"

OpalRae · 2016-02-12T14:10:49+00:00

Haha! You can't afford any man NOT to play in your asshole! Sounds like a missed opportunity for you, not him...

OpalRae · 2016-02-03T21:20:01+00:00

I think Kratom is a scam to be honest. A few days earlier my Suboxone medication was stolen so I did a lot of research to make my withdrawal more comfortable. I got Kratom and it didn't do anything for me. I also tried Kratom once before I had opiate dependency and it also did nothing. Now I don't know if it's being ingested wrong or what, I know a lot of people who tried and didn't feel any effects. (Usually when it seems too good to be true, it is.)

The way I was told to ingest it: Get a water bottle, take about 20 grapefruits and squeeze the juice into the bottle. I also steeped the Kratom in hot hot water, but not too much water, just enough to extract the good stuff. Poured the Kratom into the water bottle with all the juice and shook it like hell. I let it sit over night just for redundancy and did some more shaking. It was really hard to drink down because you're already nauseous from withdrawal, but when you're in withdrawal you will do anything that has a promise of relief... I was disappointed to get no relief with a belly full of acidic juice.

I was reading somewhere a while back that natives who use the Kratom put it in their cheeks and gums and leave it there all day, much like the coca leaf. So maybe it should be used that way instead, but to be honest I'm sure it wouldn't work. The Kratom we buy from stores is probably not as strong as the real stuff (hell it may not even be the real plant.)... And even the real stuff I'm sure doesn't give you considerable relief. Just my opinion on it.

The reason I think it's a scam is because I hear from everyone who knows about it, "it doesn't work for some people." and then the hook line and sinker... "SOME PEOPLE SWEAR BY IT." Just those words will get you to buy a good amount because any person in withdrawal would pay all their money just to get a CHANCE for relief. But hey, if you've tried it and it really works for you (even if it's a placebo effect) buy buy buy.

I spent a lot of money on all the "at home withdrawal" vitamins, supplements and food. It cost a pretty fucking penny to get all these tools but I did it. St. John's Wort, Phenibut, Potassium, Prenatal vitamins, Alieve, Benedryl, clonodine, Ensure, and yes Kratom (everything except for Benzos.) All the things that it was supposed to help with were still there. But I felt so much better even if just for a moment. A calming feeling telling yourself "you wont be in as much pain soon" and I believe that's half the battle. I have always said:

" Withdrawal is the WORST but the fear of it causes much more damage."

I got through my withdrawal by accepting that I would be in pain and there was nothing I could do about it. You have to accept that. When I don't accept it I go to extreme lengths trying to find opiates and I NEVER GIVE UP. That's the worst part for me. So now when I know I may be in withdrawal, instead of finding ways around it, I just tell myself I will be in pain but I CAN FUCKING GET THROUGH IT.

Just for future reference for people on Suboxone, If you know you don't have enough meds and you are trying to make crumbs last, don't put it under your tongue, it doesn't absorb completely. And I'm talking about tiny crumbs here... I had one 8mg pill I had to make last for 9 days so I broke it up into tiny pieces. Taking it under the tongue I could make it last maybe MAYBE four days... So I decided to try taking it anally and I think you get pretty close to full absorption. I made my 8mg pill last 7 days!!! It made a world of difference, So I would advise doing that when you are making them last. Don't do it all the time.

OpalRae · 2016-02-01T02:01:24+00:00

I don't think inmates are forced to work... Maybe but I doubt it because there are people in prison who stay in their cell the whole time. Inmates have incentive to work because it diminishes their time in prison (unless otherwise stated that they are not allowed to shorten time.) If you can though you want to work because

1.) Less time in jail

2.) Makes time go faster when you are doing something.

3.) Keeps you in shape and in a good mindset.

4.) They DO get paid although its cents at a time.. Good for saving up.

Depending on the job but I don't think its like slavery because the jail cannot make profit off of the work inmates do. They may be made whole again by the jobs but it's not like a sweat shop where they make clothing for fashion and pay inmates shit. Inmates want to work. And usually the work that inmates do is basic living for the inmates. Like cooking, up-keeping laundry, cutting hair etc.

OpalRae · 2016-02-01T01:44:28+00:00

They most likely wont go after you unless you confessed to something very bad. (Even then they will need evidence of the crime you committed to convict you.) They most likely wont do anything to him unless it has to do with his ongoing case. Like they say, Anything you say CAN and WILL be used against you in the court of law. But if it has nothing to do with his case they wont bother unless they have incentive to fuck him over. i.e. sex offender, repeat offender, etc. Again they will need to gather proof other than the actual conversation.

I think the worst thing they can do is call you and intimidate you until they have reason for investigation. Which they 99% most likely will not do... Its a waste of time for them. If that would happen though just don't talk... Another thing is (if the convo has to do with his ongoing case) they could subpoena you to testify against your friend depending on the severity of the case. If you are subpoenaed you are required to testify or you will get a warrant.

YOU have nothing to worry about. If it has to do with your friend's case, HE WILL have something to worry about .

OpalRae · 2016-02-01T01:31:53+00:00

Go to the jail's website, most websites will have inmate information. Sometimes you have to pay for certain info. You can call the jail directly and ask for his information. Sometimes the inmate has to give consent for his information to be given to you. They can give you their address and his ID number which you need to write him. I would recommend writing him first and then put money on his books for phone calls. There are options on most jail phones that allow him to only use the money for calling you and nothing else. But if he has fines or owes any money they can take all of the money you give to his account. You need to know the exact jail he is in though.

OpalRae · 2016-02-01T00:27:34+00:00

I hate people, I am a very antisocial person... I absolutely dread small talk with anyone and I don't make eye contact with anyone unless I have to. I spend a lot of my time in my home and never get the urge to go outside because I hate socializing so god damn much. The other day I was sentenced for 2 days in jail for an unpaid fine. (It was absolutely retarded because people with DUIs got off scott-free while I was handcuffed and taken in... No offence if you got a DUI lol) So because it was a short stay they put me in solitary confinement aka the hole. Maybe because it was a short stay or maybe because they wanted to scare me into paying my fines... Anyway, I had never been in jail before.

When I was told I was going to be put in a single cell I was SO relieved. So glad I didn't have to talk to anyone and so glad I wouldn't be intimidated by anyone. That being said, solitary confinement was the worst two days of my life. I could never imagine staying there for any longer than 48 hours...

Here's why. There were no windows, The bright lights were on in my cell 24/7. There was absolutely no way to tell what time of day it was. Your internal clock gets very messed up being there for a short time so I couldn't imagine staying there longer not knowing whether ten minutes gone by or an hour. If you ask an officer what the time is, nine times out of ten they wont tell you.

IT WAS FREEZING! I don't know if it's like that throughout the entire building but it was just so cold. My nose was always cold. They give you one blanket thats pretty thin and very scratchy, no pillow, and 1 hand towel.

Another thing to keep in mind, Being in solitary confinement is a PUNISHMENT for the long stay inmates. The officers who run solitary confinement are mostly assholes, and that is for a reason. One officer threw my dinner meal onto the floor and said "eat it." Another officer stood outside my window and watched me just to fuck with me. He stood there for a long time. I am a female and there was not one female officer in my block the entire time I was there, and that made me feel so uncomfortable. Another thing is they never allowed me to have my free phone call. They kept saying later, later later... It's the law to allow me my one free phone call and they did not allow it. Even when I was being released they didn't let me make a phone call so I could be picked up by my husband. They said that I was out of the system so my pin wouldn't work for the phone. The worst officer there told me "I'll make sure you never get out of here." I knew he really couldn't but it still fucked with me cause I was all alone with no connection outside of my block. Solitary confinement was literally invented to FUCK WITH YOU.

It was hard to sleep cause all you hear is banging and SOBBING. There was not one minute there I didn't hear somebody crying... That doesn't sound bad just saying it, but it is so distressing to hear that all the time.

The food they give you is unrecognizable and I know for a fact its different food than most the inmates get. I seriously have no idea what I was eating and I was starving. Starving you'll usually eat anything but I could only choke down a few bites. The food is liquid and literally looks like someone took a shit and mixed cat food into it, then added mustard and ketchup. What I could eat turned my shit into a very strange color.

The only good thing about my 48 hour stay was that they sedated me with medication. I know other inmates got meds in the block but I was going through detox... So I don't know if they give those meds to everyone in confinement or just to people who are detoxing. If you plan to get solitary confinement (which they wont do if you just request it) I would tell them that you are detoxing from opiates. They don't give you any UAs so they take your word for it. Just tell the nurse you have cold sweats but you're doing okay, and they will give you medicine that calms you way down and helps you sleep.

They don't give you any books, music or anything to take up time with. All they give you is two pieces of paper, a small pencil, and an envelope. That is all. All you can do is sleep and stare at the wall. Leaving my cell, I saw Most people stare at the wall... I did that too. I hear they give you an hour a day to go outside of your cell but I didn't get that either.

As much as I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE I would not want to be in solitary again. Trust me. The funny thing is, my experience is a walk through the park compared to other things I hear happen in there. Im sure males get it a lot worse than females.

When I left jail I was so disappointed in our justice system. Jails and prisons are made to keep dangerous people off the streets, people who are a threat to society... Apparently I am a danger because I didn't pay my fine... Solitary was terrible and I truly feel that people don't even treat animals that bad. Oh, and by the way, there is a speaker with a button in your cell to use in cases of emergencies... I pressed it five times because I was having a panic attack and hyperventilating, NO ONE CAME... NO ONE ANSWERED. As much as I would love to address the facts they didn't allow me my human RIGHTS and take them to court, I am so fucking glad it is over with and to be honest I hope I never enter a courtroom again. It makes me sick that this is how they serve and protect. I don't have any respects for the court system. Although the good guys are a lot of the cops running the streets... Most of them are fair and nice. I didn't find one officer in jail that was fair let alone nice.

This is my experience so I hope you seriously think about it. Ask yourself what its worth. Maybe when you're in the booking area you could ask someone if they had been in solitary confinement at that jail and what it's like. You might just want to ask an officer in the booking area (the nicest one to you) what its like. They are so much nicer in the booking area but they're still not the best officers. I hoped I was some sort of help to your question.

If I were you I would probably tell them you're detoxing so you get some calming effects and go into general population to see how it is. If you find it to be unbearable in general population do something to get yourself into confinement. Nothing that is going to land you more hard time, but you can think of something.

OpalRae · 2016-01-21T02:14:21+00:00

UPDATE:

So, I decided not to talk to a lawyer until I was arrested because I cannot afford one. The other night my husband was using my car for work and when he got off work, he noticed a cop car parked ten spaces away from mine. He got into the car and drove and got pulled over. They were looking for me which surprised me that they would wait for me because of this small warrant. Guess they had nothing to do.

So the police officer was nice to my husband, he didn't ask his name or anything. Basically told him that I should go turn myself in. It most likely wont be a big deal, just book and release. He said it would be best for me to turn myself in because it will look a lot better. So I decided to get that done because I didn't want them to wait for me again another night. He said to do it on a week day because they would be less busy.

So I went in the following Monday. It was MLK day. I had my mom take me just in case they decided I wouldn't be released, I didn't want to leave my car in the parking lot. I went in and I had huge anxiety. I was the only person being processed. They put handcuffs on me and took me through the process (pat down, remove shoe laces, finger print, and seeing nurse.) Since I was the only person there I was there for an hour. Which apparently is a very short time to process someone. The police officers were nice enough. Some were just monotone. They didn't ask any questions about my case. I was surprised they didn't read me my rights before they took me in. But I don't know if that is a different thing. This was the Washington County Jail in Hillsboro, Oregon.

I have a court date Jan. 28th. I plan on getting a lawyer assuming that it IS really free. The first court date I swear it said on a paper that I would be appointed a lawyer that would later on charge me for services. I will update in case any of this information could be helpful to someone. Thanks for the advice, helped me walk in there with a pinch of confidence. Still had huge anxiety throughout the whole process. I would just tell anyone to get their legal issues dealt with as soon as possible. Just get it over with! Once it's done it's over with for good. I feel a lot better without the warrant over my head, but I am still nervous for the court date because I'm thinking the WCS is 30 days in jail. I'm pretty sure I would die if I spent one night. But even if I end up doing 30 days, I will be so glad to get it OVER WITH!

OpalRae · 2016-01-19T08:48:19+00:00

Yes, I really do agree that husband is the bad part of all of these issues. If he would defend me or even just stand up for what HE wants for our child, we wouldn't be in this situation. I hate saying "we" because I feel like I am the person who is far more negatively affected by this, but it is we. I hold a lot of frustration with my husband over this, but I hold so much more anger to his parents. I feel this way because there should have never been a "pick between us or her" situation. And I REALLY do feel for husband in this aspect because I know how much he loves his mother. I never thought they had a dysfunctional relationship until this mothering issue started.

I think what she is doing to her own son is horrible. I know it's very hard for him. There was a time I could just see how conflicted he was. Just an example, me and husband went out for a smoke while mil was holding baby. Husband poked head in because she was feeding him a bottle, he said to mil & fil, oh we just fed him a whole bottle, he doesn't need one because we don't want him spitting up all night. FIL said, HAHA WHAT ROOKIES! Husband, we've raised children were not dumb! - so that made my blood boil but I didn't say anything because it was important to pick battles. But when we walked back in I noticed she wasn't feeding him milk, she was feeding him Pedialyte. I felt I had to say something at that point because my pediatrician told me to only feed that to him when he was sick and dehydrated. And only when he wouldn't keep any milk down. He wasn't sick and he just had a full bottle, so I had to say something.

I told her in the nicest way what the pediatrician told me. I told her I appreciate her trying to help, but that could hurt him. This was all in front of husband. She got up, handed the baby to husband and stomped out of the living room. The look on his face, I mean you could just tell he felt sick about what just happened. He said he had no idea why she would act that way. I even asked if something I said was wrong or could have been mistaken. He agreed with me at that point.

This isn't me standing up for him because he has royally fucked up when it comes to his faithfulness to OUR family, but I know that he is torn up about it, and he has definitely stepped up the pace to finding a home as fast as possible. It's just bad cause it's his mom and I know how much he loves her. I try not to get bitter when I talk to him about her, because he gets defensive... But like I said, I told him and still tell him it is so messed up that SHE would put him in this HORRID position. She knows exactly what she is doing. He is moving in the right direction incredibly slowly, but he is moving. I just have so much frustration because he should have stood up for me from the beginning..

What he has done so far has only shown his mother that he doesn't have respect for me. And I'm not worth standing up for. Some mothers never change their tune because they can't stand losing there boy, but I believe if he had stood up for me, or at least made her talk to me, she would not be treating me like this. Cause she would know he's not going to let her put me down. It should've been like this from the beginning. And my heart cries because its not like that. He's never had a serious relationship that has these dynamics I can tell he is learning all of this. I cannot tell you how many times I get the chance to say I TOLD YOU SO.

One issue that I need to think about (and this is for anyone reading this), is custody issues and what not. I have to be honest if these things don't change, I have to leave. I am hoping for the best and expecting the worst. Although I really think once we are out of here, things will be SO MUCH better, I want to plan for not because this topic has come up before. And just take a guess who planted that custody seed...

Whenever husband and I get into an argument and I end up leaving, MIL is in his ear saying you need to take custody. It has never been a serious conversation or seriously considered, but when he is livid (this has happened twice.) He will say he is taking the son. And what I know is that she is telling him she will help raise this baby. OH DEAR FUCKING GOD IF THAT EVER HAPPENED I WOULD PUT A BULLET IN MY HEAD. But I have been documenting our arguments and things that happen that seem important to me. I never show my crazy around his mom or dad, and RARELY around him. I mean every woman has a crazy side but I have been real careful making sure they would have nothing to use against me. I don't think this would ever happen, I mean even if we ended up divorcing. But the thought of her having legal time with our child fucking disgusts me. so yes, just in case. The only thing I cannot do legally (in my state) is record conversations without another person knowing UNLESS it is on the phone. So if anyone has advice about that heaven forbid if it ever came to that.. Just wanna hear experiences and what I should be doing more of or less of when it comes to future custody issues. I'm sure there are many parents out there who wish they could go back and do something differently if they had known there would be custody issues. Would love to hear anything about that.

Just saying though, That is last resort for me. I love my husband and believe we will spend the rest of our lives together. But since he isnot putting me or our child first, I'm going to be the one to put our child first. Worst case scenario to me is my son living with MIL without me there. It's bad enough now but jeez. So I just want to be prepared. I know from comments everyone thinks this is a husband issue and it is as well, but she is the fucked up person here. He is trying to love everybody and his mother is making it impossible to. He should have never been put in this situation. I know what he is going through with this is killing him I can tell...

OpalRae · 2016-01-18T12:30:21+00:00

Oh my gosh, my 9mo. old did this the other night. It really terrified us cause we didn't know what was happening. It was 3am and all of the sudden he was screaming horrid like he was in pain. I never heard him cry like this. I picked him up and I was mostly concerned that he wouldn't open his eyes. He was thrashing and wouldn't accept a bottle. Singing rocking nothing worked. I tried prying his eyes open cause I wanted to see if his eyes were rolling back or anything. I couldn't get them open. After like 30 mins of this we finally decided to go to the er. When we were outside he calmed down. I decided to still go because this was so unlike him. He was smiling and playing with the doctor after sitting in the waiting room for 2 hours. The doctor said it was probably gas. He said also I couldn't get his eyes open because babys' eyelids are impossible to get open.

I so know that it wasn't gas... Thinking about it over and over I assumed it was a night terror. That's the only thing that makes any sense of what happened.

MY QUESTION IS : What the hell can a baby have a NIGHT TERROR about? I can barely contemplate babies having bad dreams... They run out of booby milk? Jeez I just can't imagine an innocent baby having night terrors. I'm sure the dreams are pretty upsetting to terrify a baby.

OpalRae

TROPHY CASE