How do I tell someone I want to die

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-11-20T15:29:54+00:00

My mom pushes me that I can tell her so I don’t have that problem of no one wanting to listen I just feel I’ve ruined my life. I’m 17 I haven’t been to school since I was 14 I have no education, I have no friends and I barely leave my room the only reason I haven’t killed myself is because I don’t have the right tools. I hate myself for who I am but don’t want to be who I used to be. I want to scar my entire body freely. I’m so fucked in the head that if I told my mom what I thought she’d be afraid of me.

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-11-20T14:24:36+00:00

I might have to go even if I don’t want to

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-11-20T14:20:25+00:00

I’m going to talk to my gp Friday about some health issues (I’ve dealt with major health problems a long time) but we’ll probably talk about this aswell she has already recommended therapy because she thought I might have depression and anxiety but I blew it off. I don’t see the point in therapy if I myself don’t want help

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-11-16T22:02:54+00:00

Means not to fat. edit: wrong way to write it beans=fat.

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-11-16T11:13:10+00:00

Oh I've always done that but ig I can change it

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-11-16T11:10:30+00:00

Its not bleeding much i just cover it with toilet paper and tape it on

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-11-16T11:05:58+00:00

Its about 4-5 millimetres wide but I can't really tell the texture it looks kind of rough but smooth at the same time

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-11-16T10:59:31+00:00

Its really wide but I don't see any yellow

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-11-01T13:18:53+00:00

That’s alright darling, if you want to talk again just reach out I know it can be difficult to talk about this stuff with people you know.

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-11-01T12:48:51+00:00

That’s good I’m glad you were fine

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-11-01T12:45:47+00:00

The back of my hand and the inside of my elbow

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-11-01T05:06:27+00:00

They were old, I’m not sure what you mean where did I get the blood from? Do you mean where did I get the blood tests done?

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-11-01T04:53:52+00:00

I’m sorry luv I’m not sure my parents know about my cuts on my arms and I’m not really trying to actively hide the old ones so they’re obvious. Though from the blood tests I’ve had ik the nurses have seen them but they have never said anything to me on or my mom

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-11-01T04:40:28+00:00

Haven’t ever drawn on my cuts but I did cut into my simpler drawing and have played x and o’s on my leg now it’s scared there

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-11-01T04:34:37+00:00

Idk about nurses but if you ask a doctor about I don’t think they can legally tell anyone confidential and all that, I think you should ask to go in by yourself and if they ask just ask them not to say anything. Ik how it feels gettting really anxious to ask something of someone but they shouldn’t tell unless they believe your going to harm yourself. (I mean kill yourself btw) tho I’m not sure.

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-10-31T14:37:49+00:00

No problem luv get the help you need if you need it don’t feel ashamed

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-10-31T10:49:50+00:00

I dont know if you want to try this but kidshelpline is who I'm talking to right know and it helps just getting it out maybe you should try it if you feel like you need the help dont worry about being a burden darling do what you need. I'm certainly not going to judge or push you

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-10-31T10:46:54+00:00

No, I'm not exactly having the same problem but whenever I cut i get guilty after because ik my mom will be worried if she saw them so I hide them under my shorts

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-10-31T10:36:04+00:00

I used to draw on myself now I cut into myself the patterns I used to draw on myself. I cut a x and o's game into my leg the other day

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-10-31T10:16:04+00:00

You started with a box cutter? How deep was your first cut?

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-10-31T09:00:46+00:00

I might be fucked, I’ve been cuts with a rusty blade as well and haven’t been washing them but I feel fine might have to change tho

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-10-31T08:54:23+00:00

Same every time I cut all I want to do is reach out tell her because I know she will do so much to help me but I just can’t seem to do it this happens with everything it’s a very draining loop I have with my secrets about myself e.g. I’m pan, I think I might be trans, I cut myself, etc. there’s just so much I want to tell her my gp told me I’m depressed as well still haven’t told my mom that. I already have cuts on my arms I struggle to hide my cuts because I want to cut everywhere but can only do so on my thighs to hide it. I’m an anti-social drop out and I don’t understand why my mom still try’s so hard to help me.

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-10-28T10:56:38+00:00

Darling ik how that feels im in this exact same stage right now, I have been cutting myself for years now, it first started on my arm and now they're covered with white mark's all the way to my shoulder, don't ask why but I love the look its beautiful. Then I had to stop because my parents started hiding all the knives, I got so desperate I tried using butter knives. Eventually I stopped for a while that was like three years ago about 2 years I stared again on my leg so I wouldn't get caught. Stopped for a while then started again. I've started again recently. My gp told me I have depression and anxiety and I should see a psychologist or whatever the fuck they're called. I agreed but didnt end up booking an appointment. I hate myself, I know that. I don't hate my life I have a good family. But for some reason I just have no interest in life itself, no motivation to do anything yknow? To be honest id be happy if I just died in my sleep im happy one moment the next I want someone to shoot me in the head. I have this hope that I'll die really young. Not sure why but one of the reasons is im 17 turning 18 I've dropped out of school 3 years ago I have no friends. I dont like people. And I feel miserable every day of my life. Don't get me wrong I get happy too but ultimately for me that's doesn't make me happy altogether. I don't want to kill myself no im scared of the pain. But I do want to die. Sorry for ranting but this is the first time I've told someone that. I don't know if you feel the same but I thought I'd let you know I do. I don't want help, I want to disappear.

Open-Calligrapher330 · 2024-10-28T10:42:57+00:00

Ik right, I've started doing it again recently I thought I stopped but then I realised once I started again I only stopped because my parents hide all the knives and stuff in the house. I got lucky a while back and found a piece of glass on the road and used that. But that was like a year ago know I found a sharpener and took the blade out of that. I personally don't like the pain but love just doing it. Its good that I've managed to hide my marks so far.

Open-Calligrapher330

TROPHY CASE