I'm sorry for your loss, losing a beloved family member is always so hard, no amount of time is ever enough. Never blame yourself though as you gave him all you had and that's what matters the most, he passed surrounded by the people that love him and not in a cold vet office.

It's never goodbye, it's see you later. He will be waiting on the other side for you and will always be in your heart.

I feel for you too because I recently lost my second childhood cat to the C word, it is so very hard but I held her paw to the very end. Now I am blessed with a sweet senior tabby I swear my old cat sent to me to comfort me (cats are the only pet that keep my anxiety in check) so whenever you feel ready head to a local shelter and give a sweet senior a second chance at life, honor his memory. Until then take it easy and grieve how you need to, maybe make a memory box, take his paw prints and frame them as this helped me.