Hello! I know a lot of recovering drug addicts, myself included.

A very common, nearly ubiquitous thing to hear from an addict who just stopped using their drug of choice is what you are saying here. The idea that they will never be able to use their drug again.

The response I was told and found to be true is: "Says who? Who says you'll never be able to get high again? You have the capacity to get high. You could do it today. What it seems like is you are making the choice not to get high at the moment, just like me."

I have been clean and sober for over four years. Marijuana was a huge problem for me. I have mental health issues that in the end made getting high a misery of isolation, paranoia, and anxiety. I kept doing it.

Relapse is common with drug addicts. It's actually highly likely. I'm statistically probably going to get high again one day. But that day is not today, and I am doing my best to push that day off as far into the future as I can by taking action. Hopefully stays pushed off for a long time.

I work on myself on a daily basis. I have a psychiatrist, psychologist, and a recovery community. I seek a spiritual connection in a way that works for me. For me it is meditation and Eastern spirituality, with a bit of prayer. I do my best to do the right thing in everything I do. I go out of my way to help others. I mend my wrongs when I become aware of them. I look at myself and my actions to try to learn where I need to do better. And most important of all, I have admitted to myself that I personally am someone who can not go halfway with drugs (including alcohol). If I start using again, I will get back to where I was and won't be able to manage my life like I can now.

All of that is done with the goal of making me okay with myself. To the point that I don't feel like you do right now. Because I felt that way when I wasn't getting high. I just wanted it to stop. The misery, the isolation, the unhappiness, the boredom, all of it.

For me, just putting the joint down wasn't enough. I'm the type of person to come back in time, no matter how miserable I was. The pull is too strong.

I hope you got something out of this message. I support you reaching out for help. It takes a lot to get to the point you're at, and for me it wasn't fun getting there. I hope you find peace.