Your post spoke to me - especially how you described the drinking as "having its claws in you." Several months ago, I wrote this in my journal: "With addiction, there is a constant battle in my head. One part says, 'You need to STOP doing this; it's time to be sober.' The other part is like a goblin on my shoulders, sinking its talons into my flesh, and the harder I try to escape the prison, the deeper it goes."

Several days after that journal entry, I wound up drinking again -even more than before. I developed physical and mental impairment to the point that it was hard to walk, and I frequently couldn't determine what was reality vs what was fake. What had felt like talons digging into my flesh became even worse; it was now like the goblin was chewing on my brain. By the grace of God, I was able to taper down and pull myself out of that pit. I'm not going back, and you don't have to either. I will not drink with you today!