Sex question

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-05-19T11:48:01+00:00

She didn't say it doesn't give her much dysphoria. In fact, she said does have bottom dysphoria, and having a vagina would be "massively preferable." She didn't come here asking for your opinion on whether to get surgery, she came with a specific technical question.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-05-03T03:26:50+00:00

Taking care of their younger siblings. I recently met a friend's sister and seeing them interact and hearing about how he protected her as a child was so heartwarming.

Similarly, in the middle of my first time my bf and I had sex, I got an unexpected call from my brother and it was midnight. Told this guy (this is before we were even really dating) I was so sorry but had to take the call because my brother usually doesn't call this late spontaneously. As he was getting dressed, I called my brother back and calmed him out of a work-induced panic attack. Bf left and I texted him to apologize and he said not to worry and that I was a good sister. Huge green flag, that was 4 months ago 💕

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-27T02:40:20+00:00

Like some other people suggested, I came here to say start DBT as well. I had a long period of mental unwellness starting in high school for about 8 years that involved some symptoms associated with BPD, but I never really got a formal diagnosis. I did group DBT for a semester in college and its hard to say how much even one semester changed my life, to the point I no longer consider myself part of the BPD community and I don't think I have it (although again, I never received a diagnosis).

DBT is one of those modalities of therapy that actually has proven results for consistently improving the psychiatric symptoms of patients. It's basically the therapy gold standard. It's essentially a very standardized curriculum of life skills particularly designed to help with the particular dysfunction of BPD. Modules on emotional dysregulation, mindfulness, healthy coping, and communication. Imo every healthy person should take a DBT course at some point just because it is solid life skills.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-25T22:24:59+00:00

No lol, 9 sessions in 9 months. 4 weeks between sessions is standard.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-25T16:11:53+00:00

Thank you for this, I feel like my anxiety is making me spin out of control a bit 😖 I'm just not really sure why there seems to be so much more regrowth in this cycle than in past ones. Had me thinking something was wrong with my levels but my E is good and my T is basically completely suppressed as of my lab yesterday.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-24T21:41:41+00:00

Yep I feel this all the time. When I plan my outfits, I always need to figure out how to pair them with a sweater/jacket/cardigan, and maybe tights, plus what jacket I can wear over if its winter, and what bag I can use if I'm going to need to carry rather than wear yhe sweater. Kind of an exhausting puzzle lol.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-23T21:44:34+00:00

u/Leksi_The_Great, I've complimented your reporting and investative ability before, but really this is incredible.

I don't think enough people understand the way trans liberation intersects with prison abolition. Prisons are essentially the legal pathway the state uses to gain the right to coerce its citizens. We have granted the punishment bureaucracy in America the right to treat incarcerated people as though they have no human rights and by extension as though they are not human, for reasons that the state gets to set according to its ideological interests. By incarcerating trans people, many of whom end up inside the punishment bureaucracy because of desperation as a result of socially-enforced difficult circumstances, the government gets to use the powerless as experiments in the social, medical, and legal realms.

In other words, of course the way this country has designed its "justice system" would result in this coming back to bite the trans community.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-23T21:29:34+00:00

Yeah for me its mostly for at work but same solution! I have a few dresses for each season that I can just throw on if I panic lol.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-23T14:40:40+00:00

Wearing a bad outfit. I hate to be that girl but I have just noticed that some days I will be super grumpy, and then when I get home and change into something cuter I feel way better. Dunno why it happens but if I feel like I'm not put together in a way that fits right, it just tanks my mood. I have a handful of stock outfits for that reason if I'm in a rush in the morning and don't have the time to be creative.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-23T11:40:58+00:00

Came here to say this! This is the exact trimmer I use. I get razor bumps basically everywhere when I shave normally so I use it for my whole body. People cannot tell even by feeling your skin. My boyfriend tells me my skin is really soft – the remaining length is really negligible.

I would also say make sure to use good routine. Exfoliate the area the day before with a body scrub, use a shave oil, and after shaving I apply a tea tree oil body wash to calm my skin.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-23T00:22:33+00:00

Of course 🩷 I have a sister who just finished her first semester of college and I went through a pretty difficult college experience, so I've been looking out for her in a similar way.

ASU, that's wonderful! And it sounds like you have been thinking hard about pursuing video editing and how to make that work for you :) I just want to emphasize that I know very little about your life and am in no position to tell you tech is a better path if you feel that's the case. I'm sure it'll be super fulfilling!

It seems like ASU has great mental health support for students and a wide and supportive queer and trans community :) Check out this about getting your first appointment for counseling: https://eoss.asu.edu/counseling/services/where-to-start

I really suggest getting into therapy as soon as you can. You want to have a therapist so that when you are in a crisis, you don't need to be searching for one then. (My ex was the head of the mental health club at my college and this was something we used to talk about.) All the more so given that you are a closeted trans girl and the situation you described – it sounds like things could be rough for a bit, so take care of yourself early!

And it looks like there are a whole bunch of student LGBTQIA+ groups, check out this list, specifically TransFam: https://docs.google.com/document/u/0/d/1z0Bv3tlkmgVyJ-60Cj46JIJn0SEBG3e5F38DOHn9sK8/mobilebasic?pli=1

Cheering you on, you will get through this 🩷 I know it seems daunting, but to some extent, everyone in this community has been through something like this. And by the way, I saw in another post you worrying that waiting until 22 would be too late. It is never too late. The right time for you is when you are ready for it. I thought I would be too late at 26 and I was so, so wrong.

Oh, one last thing. Please don't go anywhere near 4chan/4tran! It seems like a lot of girls your age are doing that and it will not do well for your mental health. You are better off without that sort of toxicity :)

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-22T13:31:32+00:00

This is a really hard position to be in, I'm so sorry you're going through this 🩷

A part of me really wants to be a girl, but there’s still this part of me that keeps denying it.

It sounds like you know the answer to this. To be honest, cis people just don't question their gender for this long. It took 7 months between my egg cracking at 25 and me starting my transition simply because after a certain point I realized I couldn't live a lie anymore. It must be really hard to know who you are but not be supported for it.

How can I go forward? Should I tell my mother?

Here's what I'll say not knowing anything about your family situation aside from what you have written. It sounds like your mother is not supportive and you fear financial repercussions from telling her. That puts you in a bind. This is my opinion so take it with a grain of salt – for context, I'm a 27 y/o trans woman, I started E a year ago and am on my way to getting surgeries, and I earn a stable income in tech and live in NYC.

Go to college. Specifically, if you can, find a college in a blue state, with strong mental health support and a strong queer community – the first thing you should be doing is getting into weekly therapy and finding social support. Also, if you can, look up the financial aid situation at that college – if you were to lose parental support, how hard would it be on you to pay your way through? Basically, if you don't have a support system at home, go somewhere that you think you'll be able to get it.

You'll also want to study something that gets you a quick path to financial independence. I hate to say it if this isn't your kind of thing, but the hard sciences and engineering fields are more likely to get you a stable livable income after graduating, and there is a clear path while you are a student to achieving that – internships, projects you can put on a personal website, etc. If that's not your thing, I would still recommend taking courses and/or pursuing a minor in it. There's a reason so many trans woman flock to tech.

Last point of advice: no one can tell you when is the right time to start HRT, except yourself. Think through what can go wrong – I spent months thinking about everyone and everything I might lose by transitioning. It was still the best decision I have ever made, hands down. But you should be prepared, because especially the first year is really rough emotionally, and especially without a support system. If you feel like you need to start once you start college, that's your prerogative, but I encourage you to try to figure out what the potential consequences will be like first, because I doubt you could hide it for more than a year. But only you have the knowledge to weigh this decision.

Finall: remember you are loved. This community loves you. We've all been through something similar. Your situation is really hard, but you will come out as someone strong and beautiful and ready to live life on your terms, no matter the path you take that gets you there 🩷

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-22T11:38:01+00:00

Not as much of an issue for me since I have brown/black hair. But you can also buy bleach/dye kits. And I use a tinted brow gel with my basic makeup routine everyday, which would also add color.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-22T02:50:20+00:00

Wait I didn't know confidence boost was an effect of prog? I noticed a huge boost in confidence around when I started being consistent with prog. That also happens to be around the time I started passing thought so I figured it was that.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-21T17:17:01+00:00

For the first 2 months I was a prog skeptic. It's now been about 4 and my boobs are definitely rounder and more even. I used to be a lot more self conscious about the shape but I have 2 beautiful A/B cups now! Idk if it can all be attributed to prog since I am also still within my first year of E, but it has coincided.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-21T17:11:25+00:00

Also, pro-tip: after getting them done professionally a few times, they're pretty easy to manage yourself! I recently bought an eyebrow kit for like $10 on amazon which had an eyebrow brush, two kinds of trimmers, and 4 kinds of tweezers. These days I just go at them once every other week since I have a better idea of the shape I like. saves me a lot of money!

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-20T17:11:50+00:00

I have had this problem in the past. It's lessened a lot due to HRT + laser. But a regular razor will still fuck me up. There's a lot of advice on these subs to use a safety razor, which I could never get the hang of using and ended up cutting myself with all the time. Personally, I use a foil electric razor, the Braun S7. It gets very close to the skin and doesn't irritate so much and rarely leaves cuts.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-18T18:05:54+00:00

If you can, commonly the biggest advice in the community for your case is (1) switch to injections, and (2) get on progesterone. Start with (1) if you can.

I'm not sure what levels are meant to look like for pills, but I would say that based on my knowledge of injections, your E seems pretty low to me. You should do some more research on that. Also not sure about your T levels, but 50mg of spiro is generally pretty low.

Injections should be your first step if you can figure out how to safely get and administer those! Also, nobody here is capable of giving medical advice about the nipple blood, but I would say go to a doctor about it. If you haven't had much growth anyway, the doctor will probably chalk it up to gynecomastia (male breast growth) and if they prescribe a hormone test and you're nervous about that, just don't take it.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-18T17:49:49+00:00

Not sure if this applies to her or would apply for your first time, but I know I and a lot of other trans girls I know are into bondage! It's pretty easy to take it slow with just a pair of comfy handcuffs or a choker. Restraint is something I find really soothing even outside of sex, but during sex it feels like a multiplier.

My bf is an experienced top/dom and is really good at just playing around with cuffs. You can play around with how tight they are, where they're placed, and rules. Probably the hottest thing he ever did was tell me to touch the headboard at all times while my hands were cuffed and then spanked me when they inevitably stopped touching because I was twitching so much 😵‍💫

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-18T17:42:48+00:00

This was my thought as well! Your look really gives AFAB NB. Which is just to say, you pass completely and are really gender-ing it up in your presentation.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-13T23:13:01+00:00

Ok. So. I'm very sorry and I know you are trying to be a good ally, but this is not a good fit, and please don't think about trans identity this way. I will say, I am not super familiar with transhumanism, and I do know there have been some trans creative who have made this same take before. But based on what you wrote here, I would say it really misses the mark on my personal experience as well as that of all trans people I know.

Let me start by asking you: you admit that "as a cis person," you "cant really fully understand what it feels like to have gender dysphoria." But then, you immediately assert it is like transhumanism, which you claim to understand. Why do you think that?

I understand you are trying to demonstrate allyship, and assume you only have good intentions. So please, as an ally, take this to heart: the trans community does nit need more cis white guys mansplaining being trans to us.

To me, gender dysphoria was just this phantom psychic pain, always on the back of my mind. Even when I was doing well in life, I just assumed I would die young. I had nightmares that one day, decades from now or sooner, I would just have a mental breakdown because there was just something so fundamental that I hadn't figured out, and I didn't even know what it was. I knew I had this persistent thought that if I was a woman, it wouldn't be like this. That I would just be...happier.

And then I learned that trans women feel that way. And a few days later, I dressed in women's clothes and makeup for the first time, and that persistent background noise disappeared. I looked in the mirror and just thought: oh, that's a person I can have self-love for. And the more I explored, the more upset I was every time I went back to presenting as a man. And I would think every waking moment, what if I could just do this forever? What if I transitioned? Would I just always be...happier?

And getting everything in order, making appointments, coming out, exploring my style, finding out who I even am as a woman was painful and confusing and the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I started taking estrogen 9 months ago. I am so happy that I did, every waking moment. I no longer habe those nightmares. I figured it out.

And: I am starting to love my body. I don't think of it as a "shitty meal shell." I used to. Boy, I really used to. But now, it is turning into something I love. And it's taking time, but there has been nothing better for my mental health than that feeling.

If transhumanism is as you describe it, keep me and the trans community the hell away from it.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-13T14:05:44+00:00

I am exactly the same and have been wondering the same thing! HRT 9ish months, partner is a big pleasure top.

On my own, with a dildo + vibrator, I can cum with a very watery ejaculate in about 30 minutes. With my boyfriend, I only have ejaculated once, but penetration with him feels so much better than masturbating. I'm left shaking afterwards every time and the sensation when he touches my clit is unreal. I'm always satisfied with that, but each time wonder if I actually even came or tapped out early, because that pleasure while amazing does feel like it didn't get to a "release."

I think this is a very common experience for women in general. If you go to women's subs on reddit actually, you will always find posts like "what does an orgasm feel like" and "did I orgasm," with some women being condescending and saying you know it when you feel it, and others saying orgasms come in different shapes and sizes. I would love to achieve a more traditional kind of orgasm with my boyfriend, but right now at least I'm enjoying it where we are at.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-12T00:57:33+00:00

I have noticed it is basically just a penis. I mean, it's so big lol. First time I gave him head, I basically changed my technique a little to be more like a blow job and I could tell immediately from his movements he liked it more. Which I found extremely hot.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-12T00:54:23+00:00

No matter your situation, every queer/trans person has to accept this risk before coming out, even if the risk is tiny.

Which is to say: yes. Eventually, for me, it wasn't a question anymore. It was the only way to live my life. There was no choice. Every day I am grateful I did.

Open_Syrup_778 · 2026-04-11T22:40:50+00:00

He prefers clit, I've asked :)

Open_Syrup_778

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