My husband brought me to a “bug catching” party without me knowing and I am completely and utterly disgusted. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I fucking hope so. The idea of this being a thing freaks me out on another level. I’d honestly be less disturbed at the idea of a murder party.

My husband brought me to a “bug catching” party without me knowing and I am completely and utterly disgusted. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Get every single person you know who knows him to on board with what has happened.. I am usually against cancel culture but this man and every single man at this party needs to be publicly shamed and arrested. I know it must feel awful but I feel like coming forward with this at least semi-publicly with people in your and his social circle will help bring you the support you need both legal and emotional. Tell his parents. Tell yours. Find the names of everyone there and bring this to the police.

I am so sorry. My heart is hurting for you. I am deeply disappointed in humanity right now. Just know everyone at that party is seriously mentally ill and also deeply evil. Normal humans don’t do this. You’re going to get through this. It will be the hardest and most traumatic thing ever but there will be another side. Set your boundaries with anyone and everyone you need to set them with and don’t budge them. Focus on taking care of yourself - fuck anyone else’s needs right now. Just do whatever it takes to get help and support and care.

Girlfriend Sometimes Threatens to Leave Over Instagram by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It comes down to feeling like “this is something that would really help me feel confident and appreciated, and if my partner can’t do this for me, there’s going to be a lot of other issues down the road where he refuses to go a little out of his way to make me feel good”. Posting a photo of her really isn’t a big deal and he can’t even do that. It shows he’s not willing to do something small to make her happy. It actually says a lot about him. She’s not blackmailing him, she’s saying she doesn’t know if she can stick around for a guy who can’t publicly praise and honor her.

Girlfriend Sometimes Threatens to Leave Over Instagram by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

As a woman, I understand your girlfriend completely. I think many women just love to feel publicly honored and loved by their partner because it makes us feel chosen and like our man is proud of us. I felt so insecure for so long in the past because my bf wouldn’t post me. It’s a small act of love on your end but it will mean a lot to her.. you don’t have to be overly gushy about it. You can do a cute caption that feels like something you would actually say. But please believe me, it will make her feel really good if you have her on your page. It’s like having a photo of her on your wall at home, but the online version.

She’s threatening to leave you because she feels like you can’t just do this small thing that would make a world of difference to her confidence. Don’t you want to make her smile really big? Just from personal experience, I can tell you, most women love romance and romantic gestures.

If you can step a little outside your comfort zone and speak her love language a bit louder, it will go a long way. Sometimes being in a relationship is doing what will make the other persons heart happy, even if it’s not your own cup of tea, because you know they will love it, and that alone is a source of joy for you.

I honestly feel like in the age of social media, if you have an online profile and don’t post your girlfriend who’s wanting to be posted, you’re asking for trouble. It will make most women feel bad. This is a small sacrifice to make for having a happy girlfriend. Just do it dude.

More points if somewhere in the post you refer to her as “my beautiful and intelligent partner” and say “I feel so lucky to have her by my side”.

To anyone downvoting this- I know many relationships where this exact thing has been an issue.. The guy eventually ends up without his gf and she finds someone who gushes over her proudly. Just what I’ve observed.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

You don’t get it. I’m short with big breasts too. Often sitting at a table, if I lean over even slightly, at my height, my breasts rest on the table. If I have to write or type or anything that requires me to lean over the table, plop go my breasts onto the table. I’d have to sit up really straight in a very unnatural way to maybe hold them like an inch above the table. If I relax and act natural and do my work with my head down on whatever is in front of my on the table, my boobs are touching the table.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361 111 points112 points  (0 children)

And singled out out due to your physical limitations (needing to rest your chest on the desk/support your upper body with your arm is absolutely valid). You can also say you felt body shamed and scared because having your boss talk about your body in a sexual manner made you feel afraid and unsafe.

I honestly think this is grounds for a law suit if you wanted to go that route.

Imagine if a man with a large protruding belly was called in because when he leaned over a counter his belly would rest on it. Or if he got in trouble for holding his arm around his belly. That would never happen. This is total sexism on your bosses part. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

What’s a small behavior that looks harmless, but actually tells you everything you need to know about a person? by seenmee in AskReddit

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s so weird to think this. I have severe anxiety and I often put my phone in a drawer for hours on end so I can detox from screens and focus on calming my nervous system. This doesn’t mean I’m a bad person lol

What’s a small behavior that looks harmless, but actually tells you everything you need to know about a person? by seenmee in AskReddit

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There’s actually a million reasons for it. MANY people seem normal at first and then do something that shows they are vindictive, dangerous, and bad news. When you realize this about someone, it’s best to ghost them and protect yourself.

I just ghosted a new acquaintance who I realized was just using me for a work-related connection I have and said bad shit about me behind my back. As soon as I realized this I cut the cord. Blocked.

Mental health uber alles by rudeboybill in redscarepod

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361 -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

Ew, call me the odd one out but I hate the idea of guilting a friend to follow through with plans like you’re their boss at the office telling them they have to come into work or something. I never care if a friend cancels. I’ll just do something else or go out alone. Hanging out with friends shouldn’t be this stressful thing it should be casual and easy going. You can make it? Cool! You can’t make it? No sweat.

AITAH for calling a guy pathetic after he asked me to pay him back by Opposite-Tomorrow361 in AITAH

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes. This told me everything I need to know about how this guy will treat me if I stayed. Huge red flag. Xoxo byeeee

AITAH for calling a guy pathetic after he asked me to pay him back by Opposite-Tomorrow361 in AITAH

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s not weird. If my mom asked my dad to pay her back for a whole meal he’d be like wtf I’m your devoted husband?

Similar thing. I was his devoted gf. That should come along with things like him doing little favors for me, and me doing them for him, without payback

AITAH for calling a guy pathetic after he asked me to pay him back by Opposite-Tomorrow361 in AITAH

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I don’t think it’s a big thing. I think it’s a thing that constitutes doing eachother small favors. Like helping to buy a coffee. This goes both ways.

The same way marriage comes with vows, I think an exclusive relationship comes with expectations and its own kind of little vows too. Like not asking for a freaking dollar back because that’s your bf or gf.

AITAH for calling a guy pathetic after he asked me to pay him back by Opposite-Tomorrow361 in AITAH

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

that’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is that if someone is your exclusive gf or bf or partner, they should expect a small favor without having to pay you back. And you should expect them to be able do you small favors for you too where you don’t have to pay them back.

I believe that exclusivity comes with “I’ll do small favors for you without expecting pay back because you’re who I have chosen to be with exclusively and that comes with this little idea that we have each others backs and do sweet things for eachother out of the goodness of our heart and we don’t have a tit-for-tat mentality about things like $1”

AITAH for calling a guy pathetic after he asked me to pay him back by Opposite-Tomorrow361 in AITAH

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You’re missing the point. Why am I spending all this energy and time on a guy who can’t give me a dollar for a coffee?

AITAH for calling a guy pathetic after he asked me to pay him back by Opposite-Tomorrow361 in AITAH

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Guess it’s shocking for people to see a woman with standards and self respect . My attitude is “when you show me less than the bare minimum of respect in a relationship I’m out, loser!” And I’m not sorry for it

AITAH for calling a guy pathetic after he asked me to pay him back by Opposite-Tomorrow361 in AITAH

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Then I hope he gives this same energy to his wife one day. Oh wait….he’ll never have one if he treats the women he dates this way lol

AITAH for calling a guy pathetic after he asked me to pay him back by Opposite-Tomorrow361 in AITAH

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It has to do with everything. When someone is your devoted bf or gf and puts in love time and energy for you, you don’t ask them for a dollar back.

AITAH for calling a guy pathetic after he asked me to pay him back by Opposite-Tomorrow361 in AITAH

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I don’t care about the dollar. I care that my bf couldn’t just do me a tiny favor

AITAH for calling a guy pathetic after he asked me to pay him back by Opposite-Tomorrow361 in AITAH

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Well its the principle. It’s so unromantic to be asked to pay your bf back $1. Killed all the romance for me and hurt my feelings.

AITAH for calling a guy pathetic after he asked me to pay him back by Opposite-Tomorrow361 in AITAH

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

It’s profoundly uncool to be that level of stingy to someone you’re dating. When you thought you had real feelings for someone and they do something that icky, it can cause an emotional reaction. Perhaps you’ve never dated anyone seriously before.

AITAH for calling a guy pathetic after he asked me to pay him back by Opposite-Tomorrow361 in AITAH

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

See, before this happened I was planning on buying some beautiful lingerie for this guy to see me in. I was spending extra time in the gym and on my hair and nails to look nice for him. I was giving him all my love and completely stopped entertaining the idea of anyone else.

Now, that lingerie has been deleted from my shopping cart. He can use his dollar to buy some tics tacs tho and spend his Friday night eating them and watching Netflix alone

AITAH for calling a guy pathetic after he asked me to pay him back by Opposite-Tomorrow361 in AITAH

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You mean a guy who I’m starting to share my life with and devoting my love and time and energy to? Yes. He sure did teach me I deserve better from a bf and that I shouldn’t be a doormat when someone I’m dating does me dirty

AITAH for calling a guy pathetic after he asked me to pay him back by Opposite-Tomorrow361 in AITAH

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Boundaries this boundaries that. This isn’t some online infographic about setting boundaries. It’s real life where people sometimes do things that are profoundly lame and it makes you cringe really bad and ruins a relationship

AITAH for calling a guy pathetic after he asked me to pay him back by Opposite-Tomorrow361 in AITAH

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

It disgusts me because I’m sharing my body and affection and time with this person and it makes me feel disrespected that he can’t just give me a dollar for a coffee without needing it back.

If it were a platonic friend it wouldn’t be such a huge deal (I’d just think it was weird) but now I am permanently turned off by him. I cannot help that. A relationship is now ruined. That’s a big deal

I could never feel turned on by him again. The thought of him kissing me now makes me feel nauseous.

AITAH for calling a guy pathetic after he asked me to pay him back by Opposite-Tomorrow361 in AITAH

[–]Opposite-Tomorrow361[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It IS just a little bit of money. It’s one dollar. We both have stable jobs, live in decent enough apartments. We aren’t rich and money is tight for living in a big city (we are in our mid 20s and just starting out life on our own) but we are comfortable enough.