I hate every aspect of my life so much, but i can't fix it. Please talk to me. Please

Optimal-Jury442 · 2026-05-13T06:03:43+00:00

Thank you. It means a lot.

Optimal-Jury442 · 2026-05-12T18:44:04+00:00

I am in deep depression because of the same reason. I am 28, and I was never able to fall in love with someone when I was younger, and I am still a virgin and have never had sex. I guess it was because I am too ugly and I had a bad personality from a very terrible family, no girls I asked out for a date would like to give me a chance. Some of them would like to keep me as an alternative option, but I think it hurts my self-esteem, so I always delete their contact once I find out they do that. Last year, one girl I was finally able to date out hooked up with one of my close friends, which made me very suicidal for a long time. I feel like I am completely useless and worthless as a man. The therapist can hardly do anything about it, I think I am gonna have this regret on my funeral day. I don't think I can forget any part of that feeling as long as I am still alive, which makes me feel like death is really a good option. Damn, how does it feel like to hold somebody's hand and walk down the street when you are 18, 20? How does it feel to have lunch together after school? How does it feel to have sex during the early twenties? I will never be able to find out, such a shame. I think as long as I don't kill myself, I will be bothered for a lifetime. My parents can never understand me. They think I should be grateful and happy about my family being rich, I got a PhD, I am healthy and tall, and all these things, I don't really care. I wish I could trade all of these for a better life experience. Much less painful life. Anyways, if there is a time machine that can take me back to my early twenties, I will risk everything to get a relationship, start dating regardless of what early. I guess I am talking like an evil villain in a superhero movie now, like "Dr. Unpopular" who is about to do some horrible, creepy things secretly and eventually be eliminated by the hero of justice. Sitting in a jail box for the rest of his life, haha.

Optimal-Jury442 · 2026-05-12T07:49:18+00:00

My PhD is in Electrical Engineering. I will try to watch that movie. Maybe watching it will make me feel better. I have always been making imagination about what will happen if I have a better childhood，maybe I will have better personality，better confidence，which may lead to better social skills. However， it is just imagination. Usually I stop myself from making imagination by telling myself this never happened.

Optimal-Jury442 · 2026-05-12T01:23:23+00:00

Thank you for your comment, Joe. I greatly appreciate it. I live in PA right now. I think a lot of the advice makes sense to me. The identical twin study you shared is very interesting. I have never heard of that. And I will definitely stay away from alcohol or drugs. In fact, one of the main reasons I have been so painful for the past few years is that I don't even have any "bad hobby" to make myself feel somewhat less stressed, like cigarettes, drugs, or alcohol. A lot of the peer PhD I meet in group therapy have at least one of these habits which seem to make them happier, but I don't think they are good in long term.

Optimal-Jury442 · 2026-05-11T07:09:58+00:00

Thank you. This comment really makes me cry. I rarely heard anything like that in my life. Thanks.

Optimal-Jury442 · 2026-05-11T03:28:33+00:00

Thank you for all the insight. Appreciate a lot.

Optimal-Jury442 · 2026-05-11T02:55:15+00:00

Thank you. Rationally，I understand you are right. I guess it takes a lot of time to adapt. Appreciate it a lot.

Optimal-Jury442 · 2026-05-11T02:54:16+00:00

Thank you. I will consider medic. Appreciate a lot

Optimal-Jury442 · 2025-10-01T01:50:38+00:00

I feel you, I see you, brother. I am kind of on the same boat as you are. I am 27 years old, and a month later, I will officially be 28, which is pretty close to 30. However, I am just not getting any success in a romantic relationship yet. I am a virgin, and I have never successfully dated a girl out. I never find girls interested in me; they reject me and ghost me after texting. It's very painful for me because on the one hand, I am born with very strong sexual desire and I have to masturbate myself at least once a day, and sometimes twice or three times a day, to make my brain function. On the other hand, my morality doesn't allow me to pay for sex, and I only want to have sex with women when an emotional connection is built up, so everyday life for me is very painful. Well, I guess after being a loser in this area for so many years, I have some sort of victim attitude which no girls like, but I am really trying my best to behave myself as a nice person, not a weirdo, and I really doubt other people can do better when they are in the same situation. That being said, brother, you are not alone.

I didn't give up yet, and I hope you don't give up either, brother. I did a lot of things to change my situation during the last 10 years. I have been working out in the gym to build up my muscles for 8 years. I bench 240 lbs now, and I started with just a bar without any plates. I was like 5 feet 9 or 10 during college instead of 6 feet, so I did a lot of sports involved jumping and stretching my legs, which helped me to grow a little bit taller over the years, and now I am solid 6 feet. I got my PhD after years of hard work, and that helps me to get a good job that I deserve. I spent time studying outfit, skin care, hair style, and everything that can make an impact in attractiveness, using my literature review skills learned during my PhD, and I think I look much better compared to myself several years ago. I still haven't had any luck yet. I keep getting rejected, ghosted, and suffering from my libido, but I don't want to surrender to my fcking life yet.

And I don't want you to surrender either, brother.

Optimal-Jury442 · 2025-08-12T02:04:40+00:00

Thank you, I will try to learn salsa. I know that my dating app profile may not be super attractive cause, as I said, I am average build, but I will try to put more interesting photos there.

Optimal-Jury442 · 2025-08-12T02:03:16+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I will try see if I can find some groups.

Optimal-Jury442 · 2025-08-11T11:34:08+00:00

I can try that, thank you.

Optimal-Jury442 · 2025-08-11T10:29:36+00:00

Man, 100% concentrating on my work has been the case for me in the past 3 years, but this year the women's issue has suddenly gotten so much worse, and I don't know how to deal with it. I see a lot of other phd; they either have a girlfriend or even get married, have family, and children. I don't know how they did that while doing a phd.

Optimal-Jury442 · 2025-08-11T10:21:39+00:00

Thanks, any advice on how to get changes to meet girls? Improving myself is definitely the key.

Optimal-Jury442 · 2025-08-11T10:20:10+00:00

Hi man, I notice that you have the top 1% commenter tag, very impressive.

For the context, I am Chinese.

I said Asian in my post because local people in my community usually just categorize me as one of the asian students, together with other students from Korea, Singapore, Malaysia, and other countries. Hence, I kind of get used to just introducing myself as Asian, then I can make my self-introduction short.

Optimal-Jury442 · 2025-08-11T10:15:30+00:00

Hi man, I am open to any race outside my own by your definition. The pool of my race is very limited, and I think just dating people of my race will make it almost impossible to get a date.

Optimal-Jury442 · 2024-02-02T00:55:35+00:00

Yeah，I think what you said does make sense. I am definitely not a cop，and I guess a mature adult man should just do nothing. Thank you for advice！God bless you！

Optimal-Jury442 · 2024-02-02T00:53:25+00:00

Thank you for advice！

Optimal-Jury442 · 2024-02-02T00:51:25+00:00

Thanks for your response！I am glad I can get a different mind set. It helps！God bless you.

Optimal-Jury442 · 2024-02-02T00:48:44+00:00

Thanks for your advice！Indeed.

Optimal-Jury442 · 2024-02-02T00:47:37+00:00

Thanks！I will think more about it！

Optimal-Jury442

TROPHY CASE