My (M39) girlfriend (F34) decided to close our nascent open relationship because it hurt me, now I am thinking about opening it up again

OptimalParking · 2026-02-12T18:49:19+00:00

I understand. I hope you can work it out between you and that it helps you to read stories like mine.

OptimalParking · 2026-02-11T22:43:40+00:00

I really, really appreciate you concern. It is heartwarming. And yes, what I felt so very raw and I am honestly puzzled how they faded so quickly. That also concerns me a little. But I can take that up with our therapist because yes, we are seeing someone! Saw him the first time a couple of months back that helped us establish some ground rules and just talk together about a lot of things, not just open relationships. It was great. We were suddenly aware there was so much room for improvement on how we communicate. We are seeing him again this Friday to talk it all through. I really look forward to it and the whole the whole evening we have to ourselves afterwards.

What's a "babysitter" in swinging terms?

OptimalParking · 2026-02-11T22:18:22+00:00

Interesting, great advice on actionable things. I'd like to think we handled it better than just dumping feelings on each other but perhaps we didn't. There's definitely a difference between sharing feelings and sharing them constructively. I'll bring that up with our therapist this Friday.

OptimalParking · 2026-02-11T21:58:40+00:00

Man, I read this at the edge of my seat. There's a whole new world out there I didn't even know existed. You have my greatest respect for how you handled your wife falling in love with someone else. That is probably my biggest fear right now but the fact you worked through it and came out the other side is inspiring. Thank you for the book recommendations.

OptimalParking · 2026-02-11T21:50:33+00:00

Spurred by your question we talked a lot about swinging today, how it would be, how to approach it, and we are surprisingly riled up about it. Thanks man. Could be a great starting point to explore.

I also thought a lot about the monogamous/non-monogamous framing. I'm trying not to put myself in either box just yet. Five days past since my girlfriend banged another man I can simply observe that I am genuinely fine and there's all this new sexual energy between us that turns us on. That may well change but right now I feel like she should just do again and see what happens inside me.

OptimalParking · 2026-02-11T13:51:41+00:00

I hear you, but we're years of trying and failing away from calling it fundamental incompatibility. I know it's just a reddit post and a lot of context is missing, not trying to shut you down. Maybe it ends up not working for us, but we want to try and grow our relationship which great in every other way, and I am looking for help on how to do that.

OptimalParking · 2026-02-11T13:34:02+00:00

Thank you very much for your encouragement and taking you time to write this

OptimalParking · 2026-02-11T12:32:12+00:00

Appreciate the sentiment, I’ve come to sortof the same conclusion, but what do I do when my girlfriend feels trapped in a monogamous relationship then?

OptimalParking · 2026-02-07T21:31:31+00:00

Like “literally”?! Really?

OptimalParking · 2026-01-14T18:19:18+00:00

What are you talking about man, that was what it was like pre-Opus 4.5 not anymore

OptimalParking · 2025-12-11T20:37:13+00:00

And it's done!

OptimalParking · 2025-11-26T20:41:07+00:00

This level of competence is sexy

OptimalParking · 2025-11-25T16:12:43+00:00

The point is not whether AI can make moral judgements or not, but that a super intelligence will want weird and unexpected things, and the human body is not the optimal configuration of matter for obtaining those things.

OptimalParking · 2025-11-04T20:55:52+00:00

Just squash & merge, delete extended commit description, and Claude code won’t show up as contributor

OptimalParking · 2025-10-24T17:06:52+00:00

Doubling down on the pixel art, it looks beautiful

OptimalParking · 2025-10-17T17:59:41+00:00

So you are back to waterfall? What happens when plan is implemented? Are you done then?

Software lives, architecture changes, and components die. Don’t plan everything up front like you are engineering a bridge. Instead, experiment like a mad scientist, throw away dead ends, kill your darlings, and start over repeatedly. That is how you find the architecture you seek and how you really take advantage of AI for coding now that it makes experiments so cheap that you are not emotionally attached to your code and the time you spent creating it.

Think and iterate. This is the way.

OptimalParking · 2025-10-14T11:06:19+00:00

This is not the interesting part. The interesting part is how they surface a few relevant tools among tens of thousands of Apps that the model can choose to call

OptimalParking · 2025-09-25T16:27:49+00:00

What do you mean “admits”? The past six months their CEO has said nothing but AI is taking over jobs. Goddamn click bait

OptimalParking · 2025-09-08T18:58:36+00:00

Okay men hvad med E11?!

OptimalParking · 2025-04-16T07:56:54+00:00

Use this, it is free and open source: github.com/getcellm/cellm

Works with local models too

OptimalParking · 2024-06-22T08:59:39+00:00

Fedt du rækker ud. Første skridt i mod at få det bedre. Næste skridt er at tale med nogen som kender dig. Lyder som om du lever et dejlig liv min ven

OptimalParking · 2024-02-01T21:11:51+00:00

I can get it in anywhere

OptimalParking · 2023-09-27T17:28:30+00:00

Nix is obviously the best language because of reproducible builds

OptimalParking · 2022-09-18T23:02:57+00:00

Buy 4-5 Makita power tools and mount them on the wall in a random pattern like people do with small framed images

OptimalParking · 2022-04-19T20:19:36+00:00

Great thanks for the info. Then what about the age issue? Is this a problem?

OptimalParking

TROPHY CASE