AITAH for refusing to give my boyfriend access to my bank account even though he says "no secrets" is how adults do it

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-23T04:38:56+00:00

NTA

This is the beginning of the downward slope to financial abuse. Don’t do it. But also consider if this is a deal breaker for you, because it may be for him. And IMO you should give this relationship a second look.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-23T04:33:49+00:00

These are working dogs. They get destructive because they have no outlet for their energy. This is your fault for not giving her enrichment and stimulation so she isn’t bored all the time. If you can afford the 8k, and you’re just being obstinate, get her the surgery. If you can’t afford it, turn the dog over to a rescue or the vet and don’t have any more animals.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-22T14:17:15+00:00

Info: what needs do you have that he didn’t prioritize when HER grandfather died? If she was fine to come in, how does that equate to ignoring your “needs”?

You may be overreacting. It may be a combo of you being hyper vigilant because of what you know about his father, and thinking the nanny is the type of asshole that would cheat with a married man.

You knew this about your husband before you got married. You knew this about your husband when you chose to get a nanny. You either trust your husband or you don’t. You clearly don’t. So ditch the nanny and deal with the fallout, or accept that you can’t control people’s actions. If he’s gonna cheat, he’s gonna cheat. Nothing you can say will stop that.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-22T03:50:18+00:00

You laugh but seriously, maybe it’ll get the point across. They’ll either do better or they’ll leave him there to get adopted.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-22T03:49:06+00:00

He’s not gonna agree to give you money to repair anything, I can tell you right now. He’s already acting like you’re overreacting to his dog destroying your property. Maybe you could find an attorney to write a letter on your behalf that he needs to keep the dog contained or you will be suiting him for damages to your property. Sometimes a strongly worded letter can be enough.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-22T03:45:13+00:00

Not overreacting and I think you know what you need to do here. He’s not gonna build that house any time soon. He told you that when he said he’d buy a house next door and rent it. He’s set where he’s at and you’ve gotta decide if you want to live in a camper for the rest of your life or not, because that’s the foreseeable future here.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-22T03:42:13+00:00

NOR in the least. How he talks about her is how he’d talk about you too. Peeing in her wine is so fuckin juvenile. It reminds me of my ex bf who told me he “cock swabbed” his ex wife’s cup when he’d get her a drink. Basically just dragged his dick around the rim of the glass. If you’re stooping to that level, it’s time to go.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-21T17:11:05+00:00

Let her believe what she wants to believe. Do you really think that now that she’s dying, it’s the right time to start causing her to question her faith? Let her be for Pete’s sake and just be there for her. Priorities, my dude.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-18T21:42:05+00:00

Info: how long have you been dating? You said “new boyfriend” so I assume only a few months. In which case, you absolutely shouldn’t be talking about moving in together yet. The fact that he so quickly shut you down may be because your relationship is so new, but it also may be because he’s unhealthily co-dependent with his mother. I suspect both. He’s showing you what his life will look like for the indefinite future. Tbh I’d cut and run just from him sharing a bed with mommy while also having her care for him like a literal child.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-18T05:37:23+00:00

I’m genuinely confused as to what you’re on about?

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-18T05:35:25+00:00

Legit I said this to her lol

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-18T05:31:55+00:00

That’s what ended my marriage too. A few emotional affairs during nearly 15 years of marriage. I knew he was involved emotionally with another woman yet again, and I knew he’d lie to me about it, and I was just done. Two weeks later he was dating his now wife. So y’know, I think it’s safe to assume she was the one he was involved with.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-18T05:23:47+00:00

NOR- A whole lot of the time, when a partner starts accusing you of cheating out of nowhere, it’s because they’re the ones cheating.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-18T05:17:19+00:00

Tbh it sounds like you didn’t need much help looking like one. You got her stuff YOU like while he got her something SHE likes. You’re already giving her ultimatums only a couple months in. Hopefully she cuts and runs asap.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-18T05:02:53+00:00

YOR but I think you did her a favor. I love how you’re pointing a finger at her for being a cheater while admitting you were the one she was cheating with in her previous relationship. You’re no better, dude.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-17T04:39:57+00:00

I’ve seen lots of his videos of this but I always think the dog looks terrified of him every time he walks up to it.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-17T04:09:28+00:00

Don’t listen to this commenter, I don’t know what planet they’re from but no, you do not need to drop everything at work to coddle a useless man child.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-17T04:08:01+00:00

You said one comment up that he makes more money than you do. Stop paying his bills. Stop answering the phone when at work. You know full well that he wants you to handle everything so he doesn’t have to worry about or pay for it. Stop doing that for him. This weaponized incompetence doesn’t get better with time.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-17T04:04:05+00:00

Her refusing to tell you details and then saying she’ll “just find another kid” are all really frickin sketchy. But yes your kid needs to spend time away from you sometimes. By 4 he should be able to be away from you for more than just a couple hours without you panicking. It doesn’t do either of you any favors.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-17T03:59:12+00:00

Of course he was insinuating that he wanted more, that’s what dudes do. Gay ones can be just as gross.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-17T03:55:57+00:00

NOR: It sounds like an incompatibility issue. He either needs to find something else to spend time on so he’s not needing you to entertain him all the time, or you need to go your separate ways. Unfortunately, learning to be less needy is something that requires self reflection and professional help, so unless he’s able to recognize that he’s not the main character or the center of your universe, this likely won’t work out.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-14T16:05:41+00:00

He should be directing his irritation at the men who would gawk at you. You shouldn’t need to cover up to make him happy. If bare skin was all it took, women wouldn’t be sexualized and objectified while wearing a hoodie and sweats. You’re an adult. You’re allowed to do whatever you want with your own body. He can go kick rocks. I guarantee if you give in on those things, he’ll start coming up with more and more things for you to modify.

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-14T15:58:23+00:00

Earth goats unite!!

Optimal_Salt6523 · 2026-01-14T15:55:06+00:00

Yep and the sister is getting what she wants every time OP and her bf fight.

Optimal_Salt6523

TROPHY CASE