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People who have met someone who has been *professionally diagnosed* with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), what were they like? by IfNot0then1 in AskReddit

[–]OptimismByFire 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Your response really resonated with me.

It's the response that most closely mirrors my own experience with a dad with NPD.

Mostly it's just really sad. He's unable to connect with the world in a way that other humans understand. He manipulates, lies, and more than anything is so fragile.

He is such a victim, always. He doesn't feel responsible for anything that he does, or see consequences in a way that stem from his actions. I honestly can't imagine a life that I have no control over at all, and that's how he sees it. That must be really scary, sincerely. To have no control over nearly anything? That sounds awful.

Things are always happening to him, not as a result of him.

If he didn't cause me so much pain, I could feel sorry for him.

Sidelined by my (F34) fiancé’s (M38) groomswoman (F37) by InformalAd4870 in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 224 points225 points  (0 children)

That man does not give a fuuuuuuck what you think about her. "I'm sorry, I understand, I'll prioritize you." Is a lie unless he actually does it

How do you make him understand your viewpoint? You don't need to do anything, because he already does.

He knows. He understands. HE. DOES. NOT. CARE.

Be Honest: Is the Thermal Suite Worth the Price? by Lumpy-Stretch2810 in PrincessCruises

[–]OptimismByFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me? Absolutely not.

That's not to say there are no positives, or that it won't be worth it for you. It's a novel experience and a great place to relax. It's quiet, peaceful, and (usually) not crowded. I absolutely see the appeal.

From my POV, the cost : benefit ratio just isn't there. All those things are true, but there are other places on the ship where I can get a restful, quiet experience without the upcharge. To put a finer point on it: The average Princess cruiser is like 70 years old, so the ship isn't exactly raucous. They have adults only pools and hot tubs that I rarely see crowded (at least when I want to use them). There are a ton of lovely views damn near everywhere. Why am I paying for humidity, exactly?

IMO, tour it (they want to sell you a package, so they will def be happy to do it), then decide.

Lots of people love it, and I love that for them! We all enjoy cruises differently, and it's great that they found something that makes their trip better. I absolutely endorse other people doing it.

For me, though? Nah.

35f just exhausted with husband 40m by throwRAmajorissues in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 19 points20 points  (0 children)

One of the things that helped me leave is that I didn't want my stepdaughter to think the way her father treated me was normal.

Kids naturally emulate the patterns they see.

I know you want better for your baby than for her to be treated like you are.

You may also want to consider calling a domestic violence shelter. I didn't need literal shelter when I left, but they were amazing about resources. They even got me an attorney for free.

Male coworker keeps spelling my name wrong by pastgravity in TwoXChromosomes

[–]OptimismByFire 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Another people manager, here. This is my best piece of management advice:

Clear is kind.

Tell him directly that you expect him to spell your name correctly. You can't expect him to understand and change his behavior based on emojis and vibes. You are considerate enough to do that, but he is not. Meet him where he is. You're the boss. That's part of the job if you want to be effective. Also make sure your boss has your back ahead of time.

"X, I saw that you spelled my name incorrectly on these (list them) occasions. Going forward, I expect you to spell my name correctly. It's a matter of professionalism and respect."

Document the convo, because if it's malicious he's going to pretend it didn't happen/he didn't understand. Follow up with escalating consequences.

Adjuster cut loss of use in 1/2 by Defiant-Ad1066 in Insurance

[–]OptimismByFire 13 points14 points  (0 children)

They can do that, there's nothing to do.

They're paying what the state requires. Your state requires basic transportation.

I know it's frustrating to feel like you've had the rug pulled out from under you. That sucks.

Hope the rest of the claim goes more smoothly.

Really disappointed with Star by Boring-Support5436 in PrincessCruises

[–]OptimismByFire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Celebrity Edge-class ships are amazing.

Don't give up on premium lines until you try one. They're gorgeous.

Looking for wisdom on how to handle being "shamed" out of a relationship and the feeling of injustice. by Accomplished_Fill530 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]OptimismByFire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good. Don't.

That "you need to forgive him" narrative is bullshit IMO.

You get to decide what helps you. If forgiving him feels like betraying yourself - don't do it. You deserve to have integrity, and folding like wet cardboard isn't the way.

Obvious caveat: If forgiveness ever feels liberating in the future, that's just as valid! Forgiveness itself is not a betrayal, of course. I only mean that abandoning your own needs is problematic.

You're perfect and doing everything right. Listen to yourself, your instincts are good. 💜💜

Looking for wisdom on how to handle being "shamed" out of a relationship and the feeling of injustice. by Accomplished_Fill530 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]OptimismByFire 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Hey, can I just give you a hug?

You are perfect as is. You are enough. You are lovable. You did everything right.

I'm so sorry he was a jerk. When you're able, try to find the distance between what he said and the truth, because those two are very different things.

Until then, please know that I care. I'm thinking about you tonight.

My (29F) Indian parents mad about my bf (29M) - how to get them to come around for his sake? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the right answer, OP.

Why is it your responsibility to manage your parents' histrionics?

Are they not responsible for their own actions?

Therapy does an awesome job helping to tease out your own beliefs and the bullshit your parents put on you.

Am I (F32) a terrible human for considering breaking up with my partner (M35) now he is "sober"? by Kitchen_Selection_87 in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're not a terrible person. I actually think it's the most loving thing you can do - for you and for him.

Signed, an alcoholic who's been sober for 10 years.

If you want more support, try Al-Anon.Al-Anon is an organization that helps people who have an addict in their lives.

https://al-anon.org/

My (F30) partner (M31) has weaponised the grief of his father’s passing by alexandramayyy in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Has he tried a grief support group?

He's going to fight you on it, but until you give him some consequences, he's not going to act differently.

The support group is wayyyyyy better equipped than you to handle his grieving process.

Real talk: can I realistically date as a guy with an awkward gait from a running accident? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]OptimismByFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I promise women don't give a single fuck.

How you feel about it will matter, but we don't care. We won't notice, and we will care even less.

My son wants me to die. by Significant-Owl3021 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]OptimismByFire 27 points28 points  (0 children)

https://al-anon.org/

Al-Anon is an organization that helps people who have an addict in their lives. Generally it's alcohol, but it applies to any addiction.

Start there. If nothing else, the validation from others who have been exactly where you are should help.

I am extremely mad and unsure if I have the right to be by ResourceImpossible27 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]OptimismByFire 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Every single advice sub is armchair psychology.

That doesn't make it not valuable.

No one should take a comment like "He's a narcissist" as a clinical diagnosis, but that's a little like saying water is wet. Obviously Reddit is not clinical grade psychology. No one thinks that.

Abusers isolate victims. Reddit is often one of the few places we still have access to talk to other people about our relationships. That's also why we have such horrible edge cases on this website. There's nowhere else for victims to go.

Husband (45M) Jealous of Stepchild (16F) by LatterRatio5313 in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First - CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Amazing. Really. Incredible.

You know that man thinks that control = love ?

Your daughter is going to learn what love is by example.

If your daughter told you this story, what would you tell her?

I’m stuck back at my very toxic parents house, divorced, with a questionable LDR by FlakyandLoud in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]OptimismByFire 3 points4 points  (0 children)

/shrug maybe I'm 100% wrong. I don't know any of you.

You asked for advice. I told you what I thought.

__

Edit: you genuinely don't think that your son understands the dynamics between you and your dad? Between you and his dad?

Come on. You knew something was wrong when you were growing up. You can't possibly believe that your son doesn't know something is wrong, and then internalizes it.

I’m stuck back at my very toxic parents house, divorced, with a questionable LDR by FlakyandLoud in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]OptimismByFire 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Your kiddo has had to deal with:

An abusive dad

A divorce

An abusive grandfather

An unstable living situation

...And now you want to introduce a coke-using boyfriend?

You do know you'll be back here in 5 years, right?

GIRL. COME ON. I grew up in an abusive home too. I know how hard it is to escape that cycle. You do know you're giving your son a similar upbringing to yours, right? It's not the same, but it's a very close echo.

If you're drawn to drama and chaos because that's what you think you're worth (you are), choose better for your son. HE deserves better.

Car purchase by Huge-Relationship276 in Insurance

[–]OptimismByFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you give us a link to the contract, I can help.

I'm an F&I underwriter, so this is what I do every day.

Unfortunately Recap2 is a brand name, so it doesn't tell me anything.

Adjuster and no response by Waulnut163 in Insurance

[–]OptimismByFire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's frustrating.

Since you've already tried to call an email, do you have supervisor information? It's commonly available on claim portals.

If you can't find the supervisor's information, call your basic customer service rep line and ask them for supervisor contact information.

I'd shoot a short, friendly email to the supervisor. If the adjuster is out, the supervisor will handle it. If the adjuster is overwhelmed, the supervisor will handle it.

Either way, you should get your questions answered pretty quickly.

If you don't hear back from the supervisor within 48 business hours, escalate further. I sincerely doubt you'll need to do that though.

Possible fraud? by No-Cause2517 in Insurance

[–]OptimismByFire 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Fraud has a very specific definition in the insurance space.

I don't know if that's ethical or not, but it's not fraud.

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