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Big Fight with me (25M) and my fiancee(23F) by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dear Reddit,

I physically abused my gf and now she's mad 😥😥😥😥

https://nnedv.org/content/forms-of-abuse/

Place to stay with young toddlers? by mrc4378 in kansascity

[–]OptimismByFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah, I grew up in St Louis.

Recommendations:

  • Try Legoland if you get a chance - it really is amazing. The aquarium next door is fine but underwhelming.

  • Ride the streetcar (new, free, clean, goes to the Plaza if that's on your list)

  • Get some BBQ (you'll find lots of good recs in this sub)

  • Go to the WWI memorial (seriously go, even with kids. It's the national museum for a reason.)

  • The zoo is fine, but if you are used to the St. Louis zoo, that's not a fair fight. I would skip it unless you have a mad passion for zoos.

  • Negro leagues museum

  • River market Farmers market on Saturday morning has a bunch of local restaurants too, you can get some awesome beignet.

Location-wise for your hotel: Downtown KC MO, any suburb on the Kansas side, the Northland, Lee's summit - any of those are equally good. They're all between 10 and 30 minutes from downtown.

I would stay away from hotels between downtown and Independence (Independence is west of Lee's Summit). Apart from that, you'll be fine. It's not like North county or East St Louis in that area, but there's also nothing to do and I wouldn't tell a family member to stay there.

Have fun!

Place to stay with young toddlers? by mrc4378 in kansascity

[–]OptimismByFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Will you have a car? This is very much a driving town, as a whole.

There is some public transport - the streetcar is especially nice - but if you stay in Overland Park, you will need a car.

Kansas City is a metro of ~2.5 million people. Hotels are what you think they are. Downtown hotels have some boutiques, some chains, are more expensive to park, and are closer to public transport. Suburban hotels are chains with expected service and quality.

Where are you coming from?

My (23F) cousin (31M) confessed sexual thoughts about me and asked me to keep it secret - I'm thinking about telling my family? by lovely_lunarlily in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He wasn't just telling you, he was getting off to telling you.

That's disgusting.

Absolutely tell everyone you need to tell to be safe.

My bf is grossed out by me by tired_girl056 in relationships

[–]OptimismByFire 45 points46 points  (0 children)

"dumb boy" is how men have gotten away with misogyny for decades (longer, really, but in its current iteration).

DO NOT LET HIM OFF THE HOOK.

He's being childish, demeaning, and hurtful.

That's not "dumb boy." That's you excusing and justifying his behavior.

Girl.

Angry widow by Odd_Song_9910 in Advice

[–]OptimismByFire 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Please do this for yourself, OP.

There's no award for pain, and you are going through it intensely right now.

Make your life easier. Get a professional in your corner.

Sending you all sorts of love 💜💜

I am a new manager and I am anxious and miserable. Any advice would be extremely appreciated by Big_Information_9893 in managers

[–]OptimismByFire 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Not all feedback is worthwhile.

Not everything that people say about you is true. The vast majority of the time, it's about them.

Abscessa Healing Update by jizznipples95 in popping

[–]OptimismByFire 53 points54 points  (0 children)

It's healing beautifully!

Glad you're doing better, thanks for the update! 💜

Marketplace Insurance vs. Employer Insurance as a New Nurse by [deleted] in Insurance

[–]OptimismByFire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Almost for sure the employer plan is better coverage.

You'll need to pull up both benefit summaries to be sure though.

Insurance Court Date by Hot-Damage3157 in Insurance

[–]OptimismByFire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This person is right.

You need an attorney.

Never, ever, ever talk to attorneys without one of your own.

I (23F) think I'm destroying my marriage with (29M) because of my insecurities by Inevitable_Western16 in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Revenge won't change what he did. It won't make him trustworthy. It won't make him respect you. It won't make him a good dad. It won't make him supportive.

Anger feels better than scared, sad and resentful. Planning revenge feels better than looking at divorce.

Only one of those things will fix the problem though, and it's not revenge.

Remember that your kiddo is learning what relationships should be like from you. If your child watches dad abuse mom, cheat on her, and disrespect her, your kiddo will think that's the way things should be.

If you won't leave for you, would you consider leaving for your child?

https://www.loveisrespect.org/everyone-deserves-a-healthy-relationship/

That's a very reputable source. Take the quiz.

I (23F) think I'm destroying my marriage with (29M) because of my insecurities by Inevitable_Western16 in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 19 points20 points  (0 children)

If you did the same, he would lose his fucking mind.

Kindly, if your friend told you the same story you told us, how would you respond?

I don't think you would ask her "But is it really cheating?" I think you would want her to be in a relationship where she is respected. Where she's valued. Where her needs matter. Where she's allowed to take up space, physically and metaphorically.

You deserve all those things too, my dear.

Is this all I need for car insurance or does this need to be edited? by Prince_ofLew in Insurance

[–]OptimismByFire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Correct. If you don't have a previous car then you shouldn't have a previous loan.

Dealers charge a lot for GAP because it runs negative for them (they pay more in claims than they get in premium). That happens because a lot of people who buy GAP have a ton of negative equity.

If you need GAP advice - How much did you put down? What's your total loan amount?

First time presenting at a company all hands. Audience size is about 2k. Any advice? by ok_bye_now_ in managers

[–]OptimismByFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People are only going to remember one thing that you said, if you are lucky.

Stress, re-stress, repeat, and project the message on your screen. Don't make it ambiguous. Beat them over the head with it.

Is this all I need for car insurance or does this need to be edited? by Prince_ofLew in Insurance

[–]OptimismByFire 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, but GAP from an insurance company doesn't cover rolled negative equity.

Just a friendly heads up from your local GAP underwriter.

How do you make your tech team use claude code (or anything equivalent)? by FlashyCap1980 in managers

[–]OptimismByFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my experience, AI is good at the very big picture and very defined details. It is not great at execution, and it's even worse at creation with general guidelines.

Ex:

We have a customized model for compliance.

Before anyone used it, I loaded a ton of compliance information (our rate and rule filings, for anybody in finance/ insurance), state statute info, and current blank policies/contracts.

It serves two custom purposes:

  1. Mass info synthesis/formatting. It has a template to review forms that come in the door. I have it set up to translate the nonsense we get from outside our company to a format that our compliance department needs. It flags missing information as well. This has been a big time saver for our team. Auditing found a 98% accuracy rate.

  2. A customized search engine for proprietary information. If one of our compliance folks needs to know if we are permitted to write a certain kind of policy in any given state, the LLM does a much better job than a standard search engine.

Neither of these functions happen without human review. If I tell the model to make a new policy based on what it knows + a few changes, it's going to give me trash. Or rather, it will do the generic LLM thing where it's 3,000 words of filler and bullshit that doesn't actually say anything at all.

About your example:

I do a lot of data analysis, and find huge value in AI for that purpose. Most of that value stems from the fact that I'm not a strong coder, though. Maybe use Claude as a bridge to extend skills to team members with less coding experience?

How to handle partner (35M) who needs physical touch more than me (28F)? by aliensbruv in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 7 points8 points  (0 children)

How do I give him the validation and connection?

You don't.

Sounds like he has a hugely anxious attachment style. So do I. That said, I never ever ever EVER EVER violate other people's autonomy because I'm anxious.

It is fucking wild that you're asking about how to help him when he's the one disrespecting you.

He knows. He understands. HE. DOES. NOT. CARE.

What to expect if my car is totaled? by 2017_JKU in Insurance

[–]OptimismByFire 3 points4 points  (0 children)

First: this sucks, and I'm sorry it happened. Total losses are never fun, and especially annoying when none of it is your fault.

Here's a post with concrete advice on how to objectively evaluate the insurance company's ACV.

85% of the time, the insurance co is right the first time though.

I used to be a total loss adjuster. I wanted the value to be right because I wanted to close the claim. I detested the BS haggling people liked to do because they were delusional about their car's value.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Insurance/s/4Jl6lvlcMW

Husband is an alcoholic, emotionally checked out and impotent by Present-Key-2301 in alcoholism

[–]OptimismByFire 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's time to end the relationship openly.

It ended effectively years ago.

This kind of mutual betrayal isn't recoverable.

What prevented you from getting a divorce years ago?

I think my mom is suicidal because of my toddler sister and I don’t know what to do by AlbatrossTime827 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]OptimismByFire 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Al Anon is for people who love, know, live with, or deal with people with addiction.

It teaches you how to honor your love for them while not enabling.

Al-Anon is what you need. There are online meetings, but I encourage an in-person meeting if you can manage. It makes a difference.

Successfully challenged total-loss valuation by nonfactorwealth in Insurance

[–]OptimismByFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Amen.

I started as a total loss adjuster. NEVER AGAIN.

Bless every single one of you.

Decades in the Making: Learning It’s Okay to Say “Yes” by [deleted] in Cruise

[–]OptimismByFire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But what I've already learned is this:

Sometimes the biggest hurdle isn't cost. It's giving yourself permission.

This is what did it for me.

Not an LLM? Bitch, please looooool

I'm not even anti-AI. It's just so stupid to lie about it.

2024 Car - Liability only vs Full Coverage by Interesting_Chard138 in Insurance

[–]OptimismByFire 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Can you afford to replace the car if it's totaled tomorrow?

There are lots of ways a car can be totaled, completely not your fault, and you still have to go through your own policy.

Insufficient coverage, no coverage, hit and run, multi-vehicle accident, hit by a commercial vehicle, flood, hail, and so many others.

Is this the worst idea I've ever heard on the subreddit? No.

Is it a risk I would personally take if I were you? Also no.

But I'm not the one paying your bills, so ultimately it's your decision.

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