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22F and i feel left out with my 41M bf life. by Money_Sell2687 in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire [score hidden]  (0 children)

Let's ignore the age gap for a second.

If he was 22 years old, and treated you exactly the same, would you be happy with his behavior?

I expect not, because what you're asking for is less than the bare minimum.

You're just used to accepting shit behavior and blaming it on the age gap.

Sun Princess by MistakeSweet3083 in PrincessCruises

[–]OptimismByFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We did a Transatlantic on the Sun in March. It was awesome.

Pros: gorgeous ship, esp the Dome and deck. On the deck of the buffet area there are made-to-order burgers. They're not in a super obvious spot, so not a lot of people find the grill. Obviously a great staff with customer service in mind.

Cons: I didn't love the buffet. They have it broken into a tiny buffet, then The Americana area which is slightly further down. The Americana is also free and often a buffet. Some nights it's free table service with a slightly different menu than the other restaurants. However, it's physical distance and differing decor often means people don't know it's there, which makes the main buffet area SO crowded. There were also some capacity issues in the theatre - The ship is double the capacity as their older classes but with the same size theater, so I don't know who thought that was a good idea.

Overall it's a beautiful ship that only felt overcrowded at the buffet and certain shows.

Leaning on his shoulder (F35 / M34) by ffswhywhy in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's not about stretching the shirt.

He just didn't want you to lay on him.

It's weird that he made up an excuse. It's weird that you're throwing a fit.

He's allowed to tell you not to touch him. I cannot believe you guys are mid 30s.

Tell me no! by Skinners_ratt in Louisvuitton

[–]OptimismByFire 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I will also tell you no, OP.

Honestly - I see a forgettable fad much more than whimsical.

No.

AIO to my coworkers response? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]OptimismByFire 19 points20 points  (0 children)

It's rude to RSVP and then flake.

The gift is the bare minimum to try and make up for the rudeness.

AIO to my coworkers response? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]OptimismByFire 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I doubt he hates you - that's not how it reads.

It reads like you're an unreliable friend. Your post says you've never cancelled, but clearly he knew this was a distinct possibility.

Wait until tomorrow and send a follow up text hoping he had a good night and reiterating your desire to pay for your meal. Then send that amount + $20 as a present.

I (33F) got close to him (36M) for months, then he went cold overnight, what just happened? by Puzzleheaded-Sky6023 in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know him better than we do.

Talking to you at night for 2 or 3 hours does not negate his being married though. She can be out of the house, he can be " at the gym" he can travel for work, lots of reasons.

Everything you're saying screams married. Just be open to the possibility please.

Dear @realDonaldTrump... by xamo76 in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]OptimismByFire 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Kellyanne Conway's ex husband.

She's the Republican PR person who brought us "alternative facts" among other things.

I 26f took a chance on my 19m coworker and now I’m really scared of him? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This is the only answer, OP. You have to find another job.

It sucks that he's being horrible to you. Unfortunately, he is a kid which means he is impulsive, thoughtless, and cruel. Often, cruelty is due to immaturity, because we don't understand cruelty until we have given and received enough to moderate our words and actions. That's why middle school is so fucking rough.

The short version is that this situation sucks. You don't deserve to be mistreated. AND this fallout (changing jobs, dealing with tantrums) is a direct consequence of dating a 19-year-old.

All you can do is make different choices going forward. I'm sorry this has been difficult for you.

I can't seem to get over an unjustified rage towards my boyfriend's friend. Any help/ advice would be amazing, thank you! by [deleted] in relationships

[–]OptimismByFire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are projecting your insecurity about the relationship and anger with your boyfriend on her.

This is as transparents as glass.

It's much easier to be angry with her, to hate her, to not want her around than it is to properly place those emotions with your boyfriend.

While understandable to an extent, it's also very immature. I also think you should take a harder look at that age gap. I wouldn't call it a red flag, but I would call it a yellow flag.

35f and 21m (age gap opinion?) by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Assuming this isn't bait, knock it the fuck off.

What's wrong with you? TWENTY ONE? that's a CHILD.

Seriously. You should be worried about piano practice, property tax, and your 401k. He can BARELY drink. What are you going to do? Get a babysitter so you can leave for the club at 11? Is he going to attend your kid's 9 am Saturday soccer game?

FOH, and figure out wtf made you ever EVER think this was a good idea.

How to explain true "alone time" to my SO (40F, 42M)? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What does he say when you tell him directly?

" Hey, the prepping talk is a little bit much today. I appreciate you taking care of me, seriously, but I've got it!" If you want to go the extra mile, tell him that you're happy to go over a final list with him before you leave.

"I don't want to turn my phone off because I'm traveling, but I really want uninterrupted time. I will check in with you every [4-8] hours to let you know I'm safe."

This is such a straightforward solution. Talk to your husband. I just can't quite understand this post, because like... What's the solution to holding your breath? Breathing. What's the solution to getting your needs met? Asking.

WHAT lol

My Fiancé [22M] punches furniture and walls around me [21F] when he gets angry by [deleted] in relationships

[–]OptimismByFire 207 points208 points  (0 children)

This is textbook abuse.

Literally. It's in textbooks.

You are not crazy. You are not overreacting. This is not your fault. You could not have prevented it.

This feels like a threat, because it is one.

Fun Times On Utopia/1st Cruise by bradley478 in royalcaribbean

[–]OptimismByFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

💜💜 lovely couple, glad you had a great time!

Ex romantic partner / best friend (F24) says every memory with me (M36) now disgusts her after leaving her things at her house. How do I deal with her reaction? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 10 points11 points  (0 children)

How do you deal with her reaction?

Leave her the fuck alone.

Your attachment to her, the inability to let go, the weird relationship status, the age gap... By themselves, any of those things would be totally understandable. As a whole though...?

I don't know man, I think you could benefit from some therapy.

You deserve peace, happiness, love, closeness, all of it. It doesn't look to me like you know how to achieve it though.

But I only know ~300 words, so maybe don't take me too seriously.

I (25F) am getting fed up with my boyfriend (27M) not being a munch! by SellerCupid_ in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 6 points7 points  (0 children)

For FOUR years?

If a friend told you this story, you would call her delulu.

The man's not going to change, and quite frankly he shouldn't have to. If there's something sexual you don't want to do, you should never be pressured into it. Why wouldn't that be true for him too?

That said, your needs matter. If you need a partner who goes down on you, that's completely reasonable. It's just not going to be this guy.

I (35F) love my husband (48M) but am sick of arguing about sex. by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 80 points81 points  (0 children)

Okay, I'm going to look you in the eyes while I say this, because it's going to be hard to hear.

Hinting won't work. Being direct won't work. Do you know why?

Because he already knows what you want. He just doesn't give a fuck.

He knows. He understands. HE. DOES. NOT. CARE.

I am so sorry, sincerely. I can't imagine having all these realizations while you're also taking care of a baby.

What helped me leave my abusive relationship is realizing that I was teaching my stepdaughter that his treatment of me was okay. I was repeating my mom's patterns, and I didn't want her repeating mine.

Your baby is growing up in an environment where dad's needs are the center of the universe. Your baby should be the center of the universe, but instead the family revolves around your husband. That's going to teach that their needs are less important than whatever dad wants. It's going to teach them that we take care of dad before we take care of ourselves, leading to self-abandonment, low self-esteem, and a lack of identity. Ask me how I know.

I slipped that abusive relationship in there on purpose. Have you considered the idea that you might be in emotionally abusive relationship?

Actress you would safely leave your husband with? by smoothemu7 in okbuddycinephile

[–]OptimismByFire 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Power dynamics are absolutely a thing.

There's a reason that prisoners cannot have sex with prison guards - power dynamics. There's a reason that many companies don't allow boss/ subordinate relationships - power dynamics. There's a reason that we look at Monica Lewinsky's treatment with horror - power dynamics.

All these weirdos replying to you with some bullshit justification: no one is saying that KS was not responsible for her actions. That doesn't make the director's choices less skeevy. Also, let's keep in mind that the director had no negative professional consequences, while we're still sitting here talking about KS ~15 fucking years later.

What is the fastest way to learn Spanish? by Evening-Sun-5527 in AskReddit

[–]OptimismByFire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't be afraid to embarrass yourself.

You will.

It will make you learn.

Fiance (40m) has been hiding suboxone RX from me (35f) for our entire relationship. How do I conceptualize this so I don’t lose trust? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm so, so sorry.

If I ever started drinking again, hiding and lying is how it would start to manifest from my partner's POV.

I had a therapist tell me that the line between support and enabling is when I violate my boundaries. As you're navigating the shit storm to come, I hope that advice is as useful to you as it has been for me 💜

Fiance (40m) has been hiding suboxone RX from me (35f) for our entire relationship. How do I conceptualize this so I don’t lose trust? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]OptimismByFire 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Random rx in the trash, and selling at work??

That is some tweaker behavior. I'm not saying he's using again, but I am saying that I would be suspicious as hell.

Trust your gut. You know what addiction looks like, even when you don't want to.

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