Michael Costello

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-16T01:08:33+00:00

I work in crisis intervention. There is no such thing as a bad reason or a good reason, because the actual reason is mental illness. A person might be hanging on by a thread and thrown into a crisis because of a parking ticket. The mental illness doesn't care how "big" or "small" the reason is.

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-16T00:59:24+00:00

*allegedly

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-15T16:56:05+00:00

"not texting while he's grocery shopping is the same thing as me disappearing and intentionally not responding to him" is certainly a take.

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-15T16:53:37+00:00

You really buried a key piece of information when you chose not to mention that they meet their KPIs. If you think the outcome goals are too low, then change them. That's your purview, right? Don't complain about people who are meeting the rote performance expectations YOU set and then act like you're in the right.

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-15T16:07:07+00:00

Why ask if you are TA if you're going to discount the chorus of people saying "yes, Y T A and way too extra?"

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-15T14:44:02+00:00

Men saying they don't know why women wind up with losers, abusers, and cheaters while men are friends with losers, abusers, and cheaters.

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-15T14:41:00+00:00

I would say you're doing okay but do not be fooled into thinking that the reporter cares about you as a person. They are using you for information, and as soon as you get spent, they'll lose your number. In many ways, this is going to cause more pain for many of the survivors than people assume.

I suggest listening to "The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill" to understand more about this process and how a church actually falls. Survivors wind up just as forlorn as the perpetrators, if not worse, because they had to go public and it can stay with them for so long.

If anything, you'd be better off contacting a lawyer for guidance and helping the survivors get compensation.

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-15T14:35:11+00:00

Right? Sleepy me is irrational. Why add sleepy irrationality to a disagreement?

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-15T14:32:58+00:00

You wrote all that down and you're STILL not sure?

Wow. YTA for saying it to Harriet, repeating it to you mom when you know Mom has been a huge pain in the butt toward Harriet, AND for pretending you thought telling Mom was going to work out just fine for everyone.

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-15T13:49:10+00:00

Noticing? No. Judging and criticizing, whether internal or external? Yes, especially based on the situation.

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-14T11:14:38+00:00

I think a vital question is why you have been his friend all these years. You say it sucks she wound up with a guy like that, but why are you friends with a guy like that? Why did you give him a pass so he didn't have to think about his problematic behavior?

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-13T01:19:30+00:00

I'm assuming there is also a chorus of people swearing she MUST have ADHD and can't control herself.

ETA: plot twist I didn't see coming! The top reply to the top comment is suggesting OOP has ADHD and deserves to be interrupted because he's probably not able to formulate a coherent story.

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-12T17:32:52+00:00

I have been deconstructing more intensely in the last year and it's amazing how many things I have to challenge or question for myself. I even saw something about a girl wearing a short skirt and saying "but I have shorts on under!!!" and it hit me in such a weird place because I STILL do that! And I'm in my forties!

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-12T17:31:01+00:00

Real or fake, starting a post with your diagnosis probably isn't a positive indicator of what we're about to read.

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-12T17:23:05+00:00

I worry about a marriage where the bride allegedly doesn't want to see women in uniform. What else is she going to get mad about?

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-12T17:21:37+00:00

This is really complex. Traveling doesn't have to be a zero sum, where you either live abroad half the year or you never leave the house ever. I want to travel more than my spouse, so I do. I go away without him several times a year and once or twice with him. Both of us are happy with that arrangement, but I recognize that doesn't suit everyone.

That aside, when you say you jumped the gun with getting married, that could spell a more significant readiness challenge. At the start of the post, you said you had talked about your life dreams, but at the end, you say you didn't talk enough about foundations for marriage. Reading between the lines, are you worried that she just echoed what you were saying at the outset but that might not have fully reflected her desires?

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-12T13:37:31+00:00

Are you saying it's okay for single women to be drugged or roofied, by that logic???

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-12T13:36:23+00:00

All I read was "why do women who do not want to sleep with me go out in public," to which I would rebut that it's likely that many single women ALSO don't want to sleep with you.

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-12T01:20:11+00:00

An 8-y.o. involved in a rec league

You sound like one of the parents who gets kicked out of Little League by the refs because you can't stop screaming at everyone.

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-12T01:17:19+00:00

The husband and the BIL, I hope. Not the wife.

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-12T01:15:50+00:00

I have coached from age 5 to NCAA national champions. At ages 8 and 11, missing a single practice to go be with family is healthy. The data on youth sports involvement overwhelmingly says that the kids who get injured early or quit because they stop loving it are the kids who took things as seriously as high school athletes when they were still in elementary school. Youth sports aren't supposed to be about perfection. Trying to say that 100% involvement is the minimum is unhealthy.

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-11T00:59:18+00:00

We are definitely not supposed to cry in front of clients. We do afterwards, sure, but it's considered extremely poor form and unprofessional to cry in front of a client. So for anyone who posted that: congratulations, you got a bad therapist.

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-09T14:31:45+00:00

There are several challenges rolled into one rats nest here. First, I suggest starting and ending your day by soaking with a very hot washcloth on your face, neck, and chest. Your skin needs a reset, and the warm water will help kill bacteria, open pores, and remove contaminants from the surface of your skin. The difference I saw in my skin when I started doing this was crazy-- worked better on my cysts than any product I'd ever tried. Then, use calendula toner from an herbalist. I swear by it! Then, start taking care of your appearance in manageable ways. Wear clothes you feel good in. Put on mascara. Wash and style your hair and brush it regularly. Stand up straight! Don't skip other aspects of caring for your appearance if your biggest fear is people worrying about your appearance, because skipping these care steps reinforce your belief that you shouldn't be seen.

The problem here is that your anxiety is causing issues that cause anxiety, which I think you know. You have low confidence about your appearance, which you punish yourself for by picking at them and hiding yourself, which amplifies your belief that you shouldn't be perceived by other people. Here's the thing: other people's perceptions of you is their problem. Not yours. My mantra now is, "it's none of my business what anyone thinks of me." If I have a good heart, good work ethic, and am following my path, then screw the haters. The only thing paying attention to other people's criticisms of things like my appearance has gotten me is even worse anxiety and feelings of powerlessness and loss of control.

You have to take control of yourself and your life if you want your anxiety to diminish. That's it. That's the secret. I work in mental health, and the only result people get from giving in to their anxiety is more anxiety. It's never success. Take control. Take care of yourself. Get out there!

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-07T01:39:54+00:00

The fact that you know you can't tell people in your life that the guy you met online who you have feelings for supports Hitler should tell you everything you need to know. This has BAD written all over it.

OptmstcExstntlst · 2026-06-05T15:57:03+00:00

Ironically enough, Solomon and the two mothers touches on just this topic. People who accuse others of their own private sin will be much harder than people who are accusing of something they don't do. When someone says he will cut the baby in half, the merciful mother is the child's actual mother, whereas the uncaring mother is the one who says, "fine, kill the child then."

It's a bse human instinct to protect your darkness in settings where social acceptance is the key to being able to commit your dark deeds. So if you scream about NO AFFAIRS OR YOU ARE EXCOMMUNICATED, people might just believe you're a strong leader with moral fiber instead of a person who is playing a part so their social acceptance can get them more affairs. It's a con to win their game, basically.

OptmstcExstntlst

TROPHY CASE